Brothers By Choice
by Ravyn
Summary: Bonds between brothers can break – but James Potter has never been one to give up and neither are the Marauders. How would the world have changed if instead of trusting Dumbledore, they'd trusted themselves? Maurader Friendship
1. The Vow

I debated uploading this here for a while... then decided why not? So I've jumped back into reading in the HP fandom – which I do every so often to see if there is anything worth reading. Sometimes, it can be a scary, scary place. But! In this round of binge reading, have somehow found myself poking a lot of the Marauder-time fiction and the always fun James/Lily fiction.

Point being: I am reminded of how much I do not like what J.K did to them. Personally, I can see some of her characterization, but it always felt like she was trying to make Snape sympathetic. Granted, I have to remind myself that these are books that were not written with adults as their main audience. So you have a lot of logic that doesn't need to be explained because the genre the stories are aimed at doesn't need it.

Anyway, that said, Canon-Snape I _cannot_ see as this good guy. I have a hard time understanding how a group of boys who risked so much to help their werewolf friend could have managed to miss _so much_ about Peter that he turns Dark and _they miss it_. I don't like how Peter is always automatically described as short and fat and rat-like (because clearly, he has to be that way to be the bad guy) while Remus/James/Sirius are tall, dashing and good looking. Actually, there are a lot of things that bug me (mostly that which isn't explained). But most of it does have to do with my adult filter for a children series.

So here is my brain, trying to fix a few of those.

I don't know how often this will be updated. Mostly as the muse strikes – and that can change from one point to another. But I have the first two installments pretty much done…

That said: **THIS IS AU**. I will NOT be following Canon. In fact, I'm trying really hard to work things out so that things turn out really different from cannon. Also, their may be some Dumbledore bashing - because, really?

Ravyn

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><p>James Potter stared at the ceiling in the Sixth Year Boys Dorm room. He felt oddly weary. It was strange – this summer had possibly been the best of his life. Sirius had finally escaped his crazy family and now lived with them, his brother-by-choice. They had been back at Hogwarts for a handful of days and while their classes were going to be challenging this year – one year to N.E.W.T.s after all – that wasn't really what was bothering him.<p>

He couldn't seem to force the memory of Sirius's face – eyes dark and distant – when he had admitted that he thought his younger brother would be taking the Dark Mark soon. It had been no secret that the Black's supported Voldemort's ideals. Hell, there was little doubt that a _number_ of the Families supported those ideals – the summer had been spent with careful conversations at dinner parties and black tie affairs that even his parent's careful eyes hadn't been able to completely shield him from.

The knowledge that his parents were firmly against the growing support for Voldemort didn't calm his nerves, either. He didn't disagree that it had to be done – that in two years time, he would take his place as he needed to do the same. He agreed with it. It didn't make it any easier to swallow that his parents were targets and he was at Hogwarts, safe and shielded. James rubbed his face. His parents weren't willing to talk about it –

"_Hush now James, this isn't the time."_

"_Some things must wait – enjoy your schooling while you can."_

"_Merlin, perhaps this will have blown over by then."_

… except the darkness behind their eyes told him they had no hope that this would end soon. Their occasional grim silences had told him more than enough about how things were going. Hell, there had been an open relief when Sirius had shown up with his trunk and a resolute expression. But what was he supposed to think? While it was well known that Sirius had been blasted from the family tree there had been no official notice from Gringotts that he had been magically and legally disowned from the family. James didn't know what the meant. Walburgahad certainly made her stance clear, and it was no secret that they favored Regulus, so why hadn't they finalized the disownment?

Clearly he was thinking too hard about a situation that he had no control over, but the whole situation was bothering him. This was going to turn brother against brother – had _already_ turned brother against brother. He remembered that half-stifled look of hope that Sirius wore at the sorting, the disappointment that he hadn't been able to hide when Regulus was put into Slytherin. The damage that could be wrought between brothers was painful.

James had three brothers-by-choice.

They had two years before they had to face the real world together – they were bound with secrets and pranks and a loyalty that James had always known to be unshakable. But then hadn't Sirius felt the same about a brother five years ago and been proven wrong? What did it mean that one brother could stand so opposed to an ideal that the other held so dear when they both were raised under the same roof?

And was six years at Hogwarts enough to bring about unbreakable loyalty? For him it was. Sirius, his brother in all ways, Remus the voice of reason and his conscious that drove him even when he chose to ignore it and Peter, the finder of secrets who could be trusted to come through for all of them in the end. They made a team that should have been unbreakable – he shouldn't even be worrying about this. (He could hear Evans' scorn filled voice even now, "Thinking? Potter? Doubtful.")

"James? You missed dinner."

James blinked and tilted his head to find Peter's face staring down at him. "Hey Pete."

Peter frowned at him, his brows tucked together. "You okay, Prongs? You've been… off. Since the train ride. Starting to worry about you."

James considered and then flung a hand out, inviting him to sit at the end of the bed. Peter shrugged and hoped on, pulling out a chocolate frog and offering it when James remained prone and silent. Considering the treat, James pushed himself up and accepted the chocolate with quiet thanks.

"So, you gonna talk about it or would you rather fist it out with Sirius?" Peter asked finally, brows tucked together.

James chewed for a moment before shrugging. "I don't know how to explain it to any of you, Pete."

Peter shifted his weight around so that the post wasn't digging into his back and finally shrugged. "Try."

James considered that as he crunched down on the legs of his chocolate frog. Most of the students, even the staff, considered Peter to be something of a tag-along. Hell, for the first few years, they'd all thought it once or twice. It had taken Remus quietly addressing the problem and Sirius and him making the decision to include him when they become Animagi before they had really discovered their friendship with him. Peter was quiet, shy in his classes and prone to a lack of confidence that was so different from the rest of them – but he was willing to explore Hogwarts on his own, finding hidden passages and passing them along. He had a knack for spell theory that he hardly ever expressed and when he _had_ to do a spell, on those rare occasions that he actually _needed_ his magic to work, he did splendidly.

James wondered if somehow in their drive to help Remus, in Sirius' problems with his family and his own drive to get Lily Evans _to notice him_ they had all somehow neglected to pay attention to Pete. Disturbed at the thought – if he was anything, he was a _fantastic_ friend – he looked over and studied Peter. His face was the same as it had always been – tired eyes, a thin face prone to looking either uncertain or sly and a short, lean frame that was perfect for squeezing in and out of tight places.

James let out a long breath. "Hey, Pete? Do you… I mean, are we… oh, bollocks." Reaching up, James ran both hands through his hair in agitation. Peter looked confused and he sighed.

"You'd tell us if something was bothering you, right?" He cut his hand between them and Peter frowned. "I mean, crap. How does a bloke discuss this sort of thing without sounding like a _sodding_ girl?"

Peter looked like he'd hit him. "You're worried about me?"

James looked a bit stunned then. "Huh? What? Of course I worry about you. We're mates, aren't we?"

Peter fumbled for a moment. "Yes, I mean of course, but its…" he looked bewildered. "It's just, I'm not Sirius. Or Remus. And…"

James stared at him. "Oh Bollocks, we really have botched it then." Cursing, he let his head fall against the wall and closed his eye. "Shit, Pete. That wasn't… that was never my intention. Just, _fuck_."

"Prongs…" Peter started slowly. James opened an eye and looked at him. Peter looked extremely uncomfortable but then he seemed to brace himself, squaring his shoulders in a display of stubbornness that was usually difficult to pull out of him. "I know we're friends. It's just…" He seemed to run out of words so James filled in.

"Wormtail, look." James closed his eyes and resigned himself to sounding like a sodding female and decided that Pete was going to be going on a firewhisky run tonight. "I guess we all got caught up in our own problems and forgot about yours – you're so damn timid sometimes, and I just… _shit_. I'm sorry. We're the Marauders. We're practically _brothers_. We _are_ brothers."

Deciding that was quite enough of that, he opened his eyes and looked at Pete. His mouth was open and his eyes were wide and James frowned at the absolute stunned expression there. He was about to say something really stupid when Pete snapped his mouth shut and swallowed.

"Oh."

Well, didn't that just sum things up? James reached up and rubbed his hair and sighed. It was seriously time to change the subject before they did something like _sniffle_. "Anyway, so I've been thinking."

Peter seemed to shake himself but there was a gleam in his eyes that hadn't been there before. "Always doing that, should stop it."

"Don't I know it," James grumbled. "Anyway, you know Sirius moved in with me this summer."

Peter nodded. "Yeah, Remus got in touch over the mirror."

James frowned for a moment. "We've really got to make another set of those. That way you can talk to someone besides Remus – shit, I bet it's a relief that he isn't in Potions this year. Can you imagine?" James shuddered. Remus was positively brilliant at a lot of things, Potions was certainly not it. He'd thought Sluggy was going to cry in relief when Remus had informed him he wouldn't be returning after O.W.L.s.

Peter was smiling now. "It wasn't… okay. You're right. Kinda nice to have someone to talk to this summer though."

Hit with an uncomfortable surge of guilt, James smoothed his hair. "Yeah, well, next year all of you will just have to come stay with us then. Then we can all hang out and not have to worry about mirrors and other codswallop."

Peter looked delighted at the idea but then wilted. "Not sure my mum will allow it."

James waved his hand. "We'll think of something."

Peter tilted his head, face uncommonly serious and then he smiled. "Alright."

"Perfect. Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, so Sirius was with me for the summer." James frowned, trying to find the words. "It got me to thinking, that's all."

The door to the room burst open with Sirius and Remus staggering in; their laugher overly rambunctious and James wondered how he'd missed them coming up the stairs.

"You!" Sirius said, pointing at James dramatically before flopping next to him on the bed with a wide smile. "Missing dinner, lovesick already, Jamsie?

Remus rolled his eyes and settled down on his own bed and started pulling out papers.

"James," Peter announced, "has an idea."

Sirius' head snapped around like the dog he was, eyes gleaming. "Oh, and what would this idea be? Something brilliant, like a prank? If it has something to do with Lily Evans knickers, I'm not getting involved."

James rolled his eyes and threw his pillow. Sirius looked affronted. "Shut it, Snuffles."

Peter nodded solemnly. "I think this is important."

Remus looked up from his Charms Essay, golden-brown eyes narrowed. "This must be about Evans then."

James wondered if he looked as exasperated as he felt. "Is that what you lot think of me? Can't keep a thought in my head if it isn't about pranking or Evans?"

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances.

"Everything okay, Jamsie?" Sirius asked.

Remus set his quill down. "We're not saying that it's the only thing you capable of thinking about," he looked pointedly at a calendar. "But it is unusual for you to have something seriously bothering you unless it's related to Evans. Or Quidditch. Or Pranks," he added as an afterthought.

"Or the moon." Peter reminded them helpfully.

"Or that," Sirius agreed.

James scowled at them all. "It's probably stupid anyway."

Peter shook his head. "I don't think so."

James frowned and looked over at Pete, who was watching him with solemn eyes. Pete, their finder of secrets. He'd keep his mouth shut over what he and James had discussed if asked, but James sensed something there disturbed him.

He was really going to need firewhisky after this.

"Look, I'm just worried, okay? We all spent the summer catching snippets of what was going on with Voldemort and these Death Eaters of his and…" he glanced over at Sirius whose face had gone tense and blank, blue eyes stormy. "Shit, it's going to get worse before it gets better you know?"

Remus looked a little unnerved. "You don't think it's going to spill into the school do you? I mean, Dumbledore…"

"It's already spilling into the school." Sirius said in a tight voice. James was silent, waiting to see if Sirius would say something else but when he didn't he ran his hands through his hair.

"Look, I don't know what's going on in the school, but things are… changing. I'm just worried, okay?"

Sirius frowned at him. "You worried about Momma and Papa P?"

James blew out a breath. "You were right there with me through the lessons this summer."

"Plain waste of time," Sirius said flatly. "You're the heir, I'm not. Can't see why I have to suffer through all those protocol lessons and politics."

James met his eyes. "They haven't legally disowned you yet, Paddy. What's that mean?"

Sirius just shook his head.

Peter pulled out a second chocolate frog and tossed it to an uncertain looking Remus. "So, can you explain this in terms those of us who are not from an Ancient and Noble House can understand?"

"My parents blasted me off the family tree this summer when I left."

"Walburga blasted you," James corrected.

"Anyway," Sirius continued. "We're just waiting for the missive from Gringotts to make it official."

"Which they've had all summer to do."

"Which," Sirius said reluctantly. "Until they actually do it, I'm still technically the Heir to the House of Black, which should be a right bone in my mother's throat. Surprised it's taken this long, honestly."

"Or Orion isn't going to disown you, legally." James said.

"Unlikely," Sirius said, waving his hand. "And honestly, who _cares_."

"Still have the ring, don't you?" James asked. Sirius pressed his lips together but didn't argue the point so James let it go. Right now it didn't matter. Not yet.

"So is that what's been bothering you?" Peter asked. "Sirius not being disowned?"

James sighed and prepared himself for more of that girly explaining. "I've been thinking about brothers."

Sirius went stone-still next to him so James closed his eyes and kept going. "I've been thinking about us and this stupid war that's going to get worse before it gets better. I've been trying to consider what all this… subterfuge that's been going actually means. What's going to happen when we graduate?"

"That's in two years." Remus reminded him.

"Yeah," James muttered. "I know but it just… it seems important, okay?"

"Why?" Peter asked. "Why is it important?"

James glanced at Sirius and sighed. "Because Sirius and I are (currently) the heirs to two Ancient and Noble Houses, because Voldemort seems to desire blood purity and because…" he glanced over at Remus and then locked eyes with Peter. "Because we're all brothers-by-choice, right?"

"What are you getting at Prongs?"

James shifted back and shrugged. "Just… what does it mean that the first thing we said about the situation was that Dumbledore would handle it when it's clear that he _isn't_?'

Remus looked like he had swallowed a live frog instead of the chocolate one. "You don't trust Dumbledore?"

James curled his fingers into fists. "I don't… _not_ trust him. I'm just… I know he gave you a chance to learn, Remus, but wait for a second, okay?"

"Wait," Sirius said in a flat voice. "If we're going to have this out here then we need to put up some charms. Remus?"

Still looking a little green, Remus did as he was asked. Nodding his thanks James took a deep breath and started again.

"Dumbledore is an amazing Wizard. No one can deny that. But other than being our Headmaster, other than bringing Remus here and other than defeating Grindelwald what reasons exactly do we have to trust him implicitly? We don't know him all that well, do we?"

Peter looked hesitant. "But James, its Dumbledore... He knows things. How can we not trust him?"

"When have we _ever_ implicitly trusted an authority figure?" James asked quietly.

Sirius looked thoughtful, as if he was turning the problem over in his mind.

"Look I just… we're going to make a _difference_ when we get out of here. And if we're right, if the Slytherins are starting to use this place as a recruitment ground – which we _know_ they are, then they have to know that about us too. They have to know we are going to fight." James looked at each of his brothers and sighed. "And if we're thinking of this, so are those bloody snakes."

Remus shifted his weight. "That's true but… surely you don't think… that this is all happening while Dumbledore turns a blind eye?"

"I don't know. I just don't know. But what I do know is that it is one thing to make promises now, but we're going to trust each other with our _lives_. I know I have enough faith to live by, I've made my choices. But… I just can't help but feel it would be stupid to expect the same from all of you." James shook his head. "But what if there is a day when you have to decide – when you have to make a decision that is based on nothing more than blind faith? When you can't flinch… when it means _more_ than us? Is that something a man can make without some kind of assurance?"

Sirius pursed his lips and shrugged. "We'll let's take a vow then."

"_What_?" Remus said.

Sirius looked unconcerned and held James' eyes with his own. "We swear a wizard's oath of loyalty to each other. We start something here and we hold to it."

Peter looked thoughtful. "A Marauders' Vow."

"Are you lot _insane_!" Remus snapped. "This isn't a joke! Do you know what kind of consequences that would have? _Any_ bloody _idea_?"

"Of course we do, Moony. Probably a better idea than you," James said. He studied the expression behind Sirius' eyes and decided. "But I think Sirius is right."

Remus waved his hands. "I'm a werewolf! Once we get out of here, that's going to become a _major issue_, especially if it gets out! I'm _registered_! Do you realize what kind of risks a vow like that would force you to make on my behalf? What that could do to your Houses?"

James scowled. "I don't care! _None of us_ care or have you forgotten exactly what we did to prove that we didn't care."

Remus went white and then red. "I remember, but I didn't _ask_!"

Peter shook his head. "Doesn't matter. We know you didn't ask, and aren't asking now but…" his eyes cut to James and James had the odd feeling that Peter had just made a decision. "We're brothers, right? In every way that counts? That's family, Remus. _Family_."

Peter squared his shoulders and he looked almost at peace with himself. "I for one am all for a vow that will keep us from betraying each other. Not because we think we will, but because it means we'll be protecting each other that much more. That's important, right?"

Sirius kicked back, a thoughtful look on his face. "Well said, Pete. Well said."

Remus looked like he'd been kicked in the head. "But…"

"No 'buts' Mooney," Sirius said finally. "We either do this together or what is the point of this? What's the point of whatever bit of influence James and I have not being used to help you? Shit, this whole problem we have now started because of prejudices. Might as well take them all on if we're going to take on one."

Remus let out a low growl. "This sort of thing isn't reversible!"

James shrugged. "Neither is illegally becoming Animagi."

"You can register." Remus reminded him. "If we… if we take a wizards oath – shit, it can go so wrong. The wording would have to be very precise and that's it. We can't back out."

Sirius nodded, eyes gleaming. "Yeah. We're either all in or we're all out. Lifetime membership only."

Remus took a long, slow breath. He looked at each of them and hunched his shoulders. "You think that this is important. That this is necessary. For _us_, that this is necessary."

James looked at Sirius, Sirius who had chosen a different path than his blood brother, who still looked haunted. Sirius who talked about Regulus nonstop in those first few weeks, who smuggled out chocolate frogs and wrote home letters about how amazing Hogwarts was and how he couldn't wait for Regulus to join him.

Sirius, who refused to acknowledge Regulus in the hallways who wore his bitterness like a shield those last days of term – who only really truly relaxed when he was at Potter Manor or here, at Hogwarts in the company of his brothers-by-choice. Sirius, who led the charge to help Remus and who guarded their backs with his loyalty and his determination; who knew betrayal.

"Yeah, I do."

"You really don't trust Dumbledore." Remus whispered.

"Not as much as I trust you."

Peter broke the silence. "So how are we going to do this?"

Sirius looked thoughtful. "We figure out the wording first – Moony is right, you don't screw around with oaths. We need to make it perfect."

James nodded. "It needs to be about us – not our Houses. There are… other ways to include you two in our House protections, but we can't do that until we're older. If we keep the oath personal and not… inclusive, then we can do it now."

Remus and Peter exchanged confused glances. Sirius sighed. "James, my family is going to disown me."

James nodded. "Another reason to make this personal but until they do, we can plan, can't we?"

Remus rubbed his forehead. "We're all insane. Completely nutters."

Peter grinned. "Yeah, but it's a good kind of crazy."

Sirius stretched. "Now that we've gotten all that girly bonding shit out of the way, you know is necessary now, right?"

James grinned, relief bubbling in his chest. They had agreed with him. Shoving a hand into his hair he let his grin widen before adjusting his glasses on his nose. "Why, Padfoot, what a brilliant suggestion. I think we've let the masses settle in, don't you?"

Peter smiled and held up a blank piece of parchment. Solemnly, he touched it with his wand. "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good."

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><p><em><strong>Please Comment<strong>_


	2. Lily Evans

So, as with before, I'm playing with things that didn't really make sense to me. We know Snape takes the Dark Mark. I'm taking liberties of when he does that. I'm also going with the theory that the man, who was willing to sell out the Potters to Voldemort and then ask for Lily's life, has an _obsession_ with her. And please. Those who get Dark Marks are not _nice_. We also know that Snape was drawn to the Dark Arts from an early age – I find it baffling that no one seems to think that Lily Evans, who was so very close to him, wasn't aware of this. Even if she didn't practice those arts, I'm assuming she has a great deal of theoretical knowledge of them and has at least learned how to defend against them. (Because honestly, there had to be more than Lily Evans just stepping in front of the AK and thus, saving Harry. Seriously. But that's another argument.) And I'm not entirely sure that Snape would've been able to help himself when it came to showing off how good he was at something to Lily (even if she didn't practice it herself, there is lots of room for theoretical debate).

Again, this is **clearly** an AU. =)

Ravyn

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><p>Severus Snape had taken the Dark Mark.<p>

Lily Evans curled her fingers tightly together, ignoring the running footsteps along the corridor outside her compartment on the train. The locking charm she had used kept everyone else out, which gave her time to think. And she desperately needed to think. Ignoring another student trying to open the door of the compartment, she stared down at her chipped nails and rapidly tried to come up with a plan. Any plan.

Five years of friendship had broken after the rather infamous incident by the Lake, but she hadn't thought it through; hadn't expected it to culminate like this because last summer she hadn't been home. The first part had been spent on Holiday, which had given her the time she needed to recover from the grueling effects of the O.W.L.S and then later, they hadn't run into each other again until they set foot back onto the Hogwarts Express. The complete lack of welcome had hurt, but it had been expected. Hadn't she been unconsciously avoiding him all summer? Severus, who had been her constant companion since she was nine, who had snuck her into the library before tests because she was terrified of failing? Severus who had found the kitchens and the secret passage way into Honeydukes? Severus, who had brought his family's books to the park each summer so they could understand their DADA classes better, understand the theory and the intent behind those spells? Who had helped her with her charms work to better defend against the very things he was learning each shining, summer afternoon?

Severus, who had called her mudblood and had joined the ranks following Voldemort, who had spent the year watching her with narrowed eyes and something she couldn't quite place – something nearly violent. The frantic, apologetic friend who had hurt her so badly had disappeared into a sneering, brooding classmate who would hurt her if she gave him the chance.

And now she had a problem. A very large problem. She was muggle-born, not stupid, and she was brilliant at Charms (hadn't Flitwick told her that?) So she knew Protean Charm and could guess how Voldemort had twisted it to his purposes. (Hadn't the papers been filled with stories about what those with one had been committing… she could only imagine at what one must have done to _receive_ it.)

And Severus Snape lived three blocks from her muggle family.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she bit her lip and tried not to whimper. They were both seventeen now, had been since January. No longer were they limited to cold silences and muted anger between them – now they had magic outside of the walls of Hogwarts. Beautiful, wonderful, _dangerous_ magic – it didn't matter that from him, she was supposed to be safe. _He knew where she lived_. And it wasn't a stretch to think that he would have little trouble offering her family up for another one of those muggle killings if she stepped a toe out of line.

Hadn't he already promised that?

Wasn't that the very reason he had pushed her into the deserted Charms room two days ago and showed her the mark? The face that she knew better than her own had twisted into something like rage while he had quietly explained what he would do if she told anyone. What would happen if she didn't do exactly as he said.

How very easy it was to explain away an accident.

The next day, the paper had been filled with the story of the muggles not sixty miles from her parents, slaughtered in their homes. Three other families, these with students at Hogwarts, had been killed. She had sat in the Prefect meeting not even a week ago as Dumbledore had quietly explained the dangers of the summer for muggle-born students and that it was best if they kept quiet and their heads down – but there had been no talk of protection. No talk of finding a place to hide.

It had been clear that Dumbledore hadn't been an option. So that left her with so few choices. And a library that was singularly unhelpful in the few hours she'd had to devour it. She had managed to buy/borrow a collection of advanced books that were shrunk down in her trunk on runes, protection charms and warding but they were complex and it would take _time_ to figure out how best to use them. She hadn't anticipated this problem and so she hadn't spent the last few months working out a basic protection scheme under the eyes of her favorite professors.

And now she found herself with no options and only one choice.

James Potter.

The Marauders had been odd this year. Oh, there was still the occasional, viscous prank that was usually directed at the Slytherian house but there had been a sort of watchfulness that had disturbed her. After a year of avoiding Potter and his ridiculous requests for a date, the complete lack of dramatics had been disturbing even as it was welcome. There had been… moments, when she had caught him watching her with an expression behind his eyes that made the small hairs on the back of her neck stand up, but outside of class or a project, he hardly approached her.

Mostly out of habit, she had kept on eye on them, making sure they weren't going to get themselves into some hair brained scheme that lost Gryffindor points. She had heard that Black had a falling out with his family (the one encounter with Regulas and Black had by the Lake had been ugly). But other than that strange watchfulness, she hadn't noticed anything in particular that had been… unnecessarily immature.

Which was the only reason she felt like it would be worth the risk to ask for help. Potter was a lot of things but he understood magic in a way that left her baffled sometimes. Certainly he understood _people_ enough that he knew exactly how to hit to make it hurt when he chose, a habit he thankfully hadn't been using on the younger students. And as much as it made her grit her teeth, he was a pureblood and that gave him access to things she couldn't. Not yet, at least.

It certainly helped that there was no love lost between them and Snape.

So now she had six hours to work up the courage to ask for help.

The train lurched forward and she breathed a sigh of relief. If Snape hadn't located her yet, then odds were he wasn't going to try – comfortable with his message having been delivered earlier. Pressing her knuckles to her forehead, she took several minutes to steady herself before pushing to her feet and canceling her locking charm.

Finding the Marauders was going to be difficult if she wanted to do it without getting caught. While Severus wasn't looking for her straight out, she didn't doubt he was keeping an eye on things to see if she tried to talk to someone she shouldn't. Just the idea of him getting wind of what she was planning made her skin run cold. But she wasn't a coward (even if the hat had considered Hufflepuff first, she was in _Gryffindor_).

Being in Gryffindor didn't stop her heart from leaping into her throat when the door was suddenly pulled open. Fingers curled white knuckled around her wand she stared at the surprised face of James Potter. Lily wondered what Potter saw as he looked at her. His expression was stilted and he gave her a quick, reflexive grin and started to back away. It was clear he had been expecting her to react but all she could do was blink stupidly at his sudden appearance right up until he started to back away.

"Potter, wait."

He paused, eyes jumping back to her face. The confusion was evident even behind the blankness of his face and she swallowed. "Would you… stay a moment?"

His head tilted and an expression she usually associated with Quidditch settled over his features – narrow eyed intensity that seemed to absorb even the light – before he blinked and that expression disappeared. It was replaced by that smile that made her stomach jump and he leaned against the open door jam with a lazy sort of confidence.

"Finally decided you can't keep your hands off me, Evans?"

The usual cutting response was on the edge of her tongue but she forced herself to swallow it. She hadn't had one of those discussions with Potter in a year and she didn't want to fight. Not now. Curbing the urge to do something drastic – she had always had a _burning desire_ to see Potter with scales – she shook her head and swallowed her pride.

"I was hoping you could help me."

She saw the flicker behind his eyes turn into mischief, saw the way the edges of his mouth continued to curl upwards and for a moment, she regretted even bringing it up. But then her wand jumped in her hand, buzzing in warning and she stared at it stupidly before her heart leapt into her throat.

Snape _couldn't_ find her with Potter. Couldn't suspect she was anywhere _near_ Potter.

Reaching forward, she fisted her hand in Potter's shirt and pulled him forward. She misjudged how much resistance Potter was going to give; they both staggered backwards when Potter un-expectantly crashed into her. Somehow she managed to flick the door shut and cast the strongest locking charm she knew before Potter's tall body knocked the breath out of her. Tumbling to the floor, she yelped when Potter's chin bounced off her forehead as they ended up in a tangle of arms and legs.

"Owe," Potter said after a few moments of painful gasping. "If you wanted to touch me that badly, you just had to ask Evans. I didn't know you needed this kind of 'help.'"

Lily clinched her teeth and ignored him, instead staring at the door and waiting to see if it rattled. When it didn't she counted silently in her head, not fully relaxing until her wand settled. Breathing out a sigh of relief, she turned back to Potter and almost flinched at having his face so close to her own. The lack of mischief and the utter seriousness of his hazel gaze left her faltering and she stared at him, unable to blink.

Licking her lips, she shifted a little and winced. "Can you move please?"

He tilted his head and to her frustration, he shifted just enough that her hip no longer felt like it was going to pop out of socket, but he made no move to let her up off the floor. Instead he settled his weight a little more firmly on his hands and pinned her legs under his own. Potter's eyes locked with hers and the weight of his seriousness left her mouth dry.

"That was a rather complex tracking spell, Lily."

The use of her first name jarred her.

Lily stared at him, trying to decide if that had been a question and if he realized that her pulse was pounding her throat. Easing back against the wall, she decided to blame her sudden breathlessness on the adrenaline rush. Potter didn't seem to be in any hurry to move.

"Does that tracking charm have something to do with why you need help, Lily?" His voice had deepened and she swallowed at the unexpected timbre and that continued intensity behind his eyes.

Lily licked her lips. She had asked for help – she needed it – and she wasn't going to waste this chance even if Potter was sprawled against her and watching her with eyes that were trying to swallow her.

"Yes."

He nodded slowly and pushed himself back. Lily felt off balance at the sudden, unexpected chill of the room now that he wasn't a fingers breath from crushing her. She didn't recognize this Potter, with his serious eyes and calculating expression. The thoughtful way he glanced over her trunk and the precise way he tapped his wand along her things before seeming satisfied.

"Alright," Potter said as he settled himself on the bench across from her. Shaking her head, she pushed herself to her feet and rubbed at her hip for a moment. He frowned a little at the motion but his face smoothed over as she sat down as well. "What's going on, Evans."

The return to her last name was… she didn't know what it was. She wasn't even sure if it bothered her. Instead of concentrating on it, she smoothed down her skit for a moment before rolling her wand between her fingers, trying to find a place to start.

It was unnerving how still Potter was being. She couldn't remember a time when he hadn't fidgeted around the place, either tapping his fingers along his thigh or tossing that stupid snitch back and forth. He was just… constant motion in some way.

"I'm sure you've all heard about the muggle killings in and around London."

"The Daily Prophet has been blaring everything it can for the past couple of weeks." Potter agreed. Lily wondered what it meant that for a moment, his eyes were more green than brown. "Things have been a bit tense."

Lily grimaced but nodded in agreement. "I'm not sure what Remus mentions about our Prefect meetings?" She let her words hang but Potter didn't even blink so she continued, carefully choosing her words. "There was… an implication that it wouldn't be safe for muggle-born students this summer."

Potter lifted a brow and studied her. "I would think there would be more than an implication, Evans."

She narrowed her eyes at him but he shook his head. "No, you're right. Dumbledore wouldn't have done more than that, would he?"

She bit her lip at the pensive expression that crossed his eyes. For the first time, Lily realized she might not be the only one who was uncomfortable with the way things were being handled. She wasn't sure how it could be handled differently, but it was clear that something different could have been done. Potter seemed to be going through some internal debate before he stood his lanky frame suddenly tense.

"Will you be alright if I leave you here for a few moments?"

Lily blinked at him. "What?'

Potter was tapping his fingers against his thigh in a familiar, impatient gesture. "I need to go and get the others, they'll start looking for me soon and I need to see if Remus saw the same thing you did. We haven't had the time to discuss it."

"Saw the same thing I did?"

"Lock the door behind me and don't let anyone in unless you know it's me."

Lily huffed at him. "How am I supposed to know?'

"The password," he grinned at her suddenly, the seriousness disappearing behind his usual boyish mischief.

Lily knew she was walking into it, but she couldn't avoid it. "Which is?"

"James is dead sexy, of course."

If pressed for details under cruciatus curse, she might have admitted that she was nervous sitting there by herself. She hadn't realized how she had relaxed until she was alone and tensing back up. Cursing herself she curled her fingers around her wand and waited, feeling antsy. She wasn't used to waiting – she was a Gryffindor, she _did things_.

The sudden rapping on the door had her heart leaping into her throat and she glared. "What do you want?"

The deep, unexpected voice of Sirius Black left her fighting a smile. "James Potter is extremely dead sexy."

"I don't think that was it," said Peter's amused voice.

"Of course that was it!" Black argued. "A more sincere statement hasn't been uttered by my lips in years."

Biting her lip, Lily canceled the locking spell and opened the door. She wasn't entirely certain she had been expecting all four of them, but they're they were. Hiding her sudden shyness, she moved away from the door and let them stumble in before someone saw her hanging out of the compartment. Settling back against her window, she was silent as they made themselves comfortable.

"So, Evans," Black said mildly, blue eyes careful as he eyed her. "Hiding from someone."

"Actually, yes." She pulled lifted her wand and arched an eyebrow. "Anyone mind if I cast a charm?"

_Muffliato_ was one Snape had taught her, so she kept her voice down to a low murmur as she cast it. Even after the end of their friendship, she found herself reluctant to share what good memories she had – even if they were in the form of self-made charms. Sitting back down, she wondered if she was going to need to break the silence. She shouldn't have worried.

"Remus?"

Lily glanced over at Potter but his eyes were centered on her fellow prefect.

"She was right," Remus agreed. "Dumbledore didn't do more than suggest that the muggle-born keep their heads down and avoiding drawing attention to themselves. It was disquieting."

Lily tilted her head in confusion. It felt like she was being let in on the end of a discussion instead of the beginning. There was tenseness to Potter's shoulders she hadn't really seen in him before… and Remus looked grave. Even Black was simply watching. Peter was always quiet around her, so that was expected but his mouth and jaw were hard. She wasn't certain she would have ever thought that these four had this level of seriousness in them.

"I'm sorry, what?" Lily interrupted, frowning at her gaze skipped around. "Where is this conversation _starting_ from?"

Black leaned back, crossing his arms. "Jamsie said that you were concerned about what happened at the prefects meeting, that since you needed help, it might have to do with a lack of by Dumbledore. We figured it was best to have the rest of the conversation here."

Lily stared at him. It was clear there was more to that – but when had he had the time to convey what had happened? Black had known she was hiding, but Potter had only been gone a few minutes. She had to assume he knew better than to talk in the corridors so…

How?

Peter smiled at her. "James talks fast."

She knew there was more to that. She knew it. She just couldn't think of a way to call them on it. Frowning to let them know that she knew there was something else going on, she shook her head. "I _am_ concerned about Dumbledore's lack of… apparent concern for those who are going back to homes without any protection."

Potter leaned forward. "Is that why you had a tracking charm on someone, because you were worried about protection? And from _who_?"

Lily dragged her teeth along her bottom lip. "That's… part of it. Dumbledore didn't really offer any advice other than to stay hidden and that's… not exactly an option for me."

Another one of those shared glances between the four that she couldn't interpret.

"Why?" Potter asked. Lily met his gaze and he held it, eyes narrowed behind his glasses. "Why is just staying out of sight not an option. And while you're at it, you can explain why you panicked when your little alarm system went off – and instead of pushing me out, why you pulled me into the compartment."

Lily wondered if he would notice if she wiped her sweaty palms dry on her skirt. "First, just staying under the radar is not a logical course of action. There appears to be no way of predicting where the Death Eaters are going to strike, so how can we know that we're safe?"

Black considered her, blue eyes narrowed. "A single protected house in the middle of a muggle neighborhood might not be any better, Evans."

Lily lifted her chin. "While that's true, that is also based on several assumptions – the biggest being that the Death Eaters are _looking_ at Muggle neighborhoods for places that are protected. I'm not saying we all need to be under a fidelous charm, but some sort of warning system to get out would be better than pretending it can't happen to us." She licked her lips. "And is it really going to matter? You can't tell me that there isn't a list somewhere of Hogwarts students who are muggle born; that there isn't a risk that that information might leak out someday."

Remus looked at her. "You think someone would leak that information under Dumbledore's nose?"

"I think it would be prudent to plan for it." Lily countered.

"Then why not just go to Dumbledore?" Peter asked. He didn't seem critical that she hadn't gone to their Headmaster. In fact, there was a glint of something behind his eyes that suddenly made her wary.

Uncertain and feeling shaken for a reason she couldn't really place, she finally just shook her head. She wasn't even certain why she was explaining this to them other than that niggling, gut-deep knowing that she couldn't shake that Dumbledore wasn't the answer this time. She had always held him in a bit of awe, but his lack of preparation in regards to her safety had stunned her out of her usual respect of authority figures.

"Lily," Potter cut into her thoughts and she glanced back at him. "What is it?"

She bit her lip and studied him before lowering her gaze to his shoes. "Snape knows where I live."

"Well," Remus murmured. "That does add something to this."

She felt the sudden tension in the room and she wanted to bolt. They didn't know about the Dark Mark (did they?) but they obviously knew enough about his new friends to be wary. And they couldn't have known what Snape knew about Dark Arts, not the way she did. She wasn't expecting Potter to pull out a wand and mutter a second charm or for the other three to overlay that with their own. Lifting her eyes, she blinked at the grim expressions now looking back at her.

"What did he do?" Potter's voice was low and his eyes were snapping now. "What did he say, Lily."

Black leaned forward, bracing his forearms against his thighs and staring at her with that imperious look of his that always left her feeling half-bare. "You were hiding from Snape, Evans?"

Lily chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, considering. She had to be careful, because she didn't trust these four not to go off on Snape and that would lead to disaster. Because she wasn't certain she could tell them about the Dark Mark if they didn't know – not yet. She didn't trust them for that and what she needed was a chance to buy enough time to keep her family safe. Outside of that, she didn't fear Snape. She never had and she refused to start now.

"What he did or didn't do doesn't matter right now," she put steel into her words, meeting both Potter and then Black' eyes head on. "That's not what I need help with. What I do need help with is figuring out where to start so I can protect my family. I haven't… rune or ward schemes haven't been something I've done more than a cursory overview on. I don't know where to _start_."

Potter's eyes went dark and the temper she _did_ know tightened the skin along his cheekbones and the room suddenly felt too small. Curling her fingers around her wand, she straightened her spine and stared him down. She refused to be intimated by him, either.

"I don't think you understand the position you are in, Evans." Potter's voice was tight. "Snape is dangerous in ways you apparently don't understand and if he has threatened you…"

Lily snorted, tossing her hair and narrowing her own gaze. "Severus Snape was my best friend for six years Potter. He lives _three blocks away from me_. I am perfectly aware of what he is capable of and I assure you, I am perfectly _capable_ of handling _him_ on my own."

Black moved into her line of sight and glared at her. "Well, if you and Snivellus are so _chummy_, what do you need our help for?"

Lily clenched her fingers together and told herself to get her temper under control. Leaning back, she glared out the window for several seconds before she felt confident that she wouldn't curse now and apologize later. "_I_ can handle Snape. But my family can't. And if he decided to win points with those new _friends_ of his..."

It was like dropping a hammer in the room. She didn't look away from the window, even when Potter spoke again. She was relieved he sounded so calm, although she wasn't certain she could trust the tone of his voice.

"What did he say, Lily?"

She closed her eyes. "He hasn't said anything, not directly." Which was true, in a way? That Dark Mark had said everything he needed to say and he had made it clear that it was only a matter of time before he did suggest something directly. It made her feel nauseous to imagine exactly what those suggestions might be.

"Lily," Potter voice tugged at her and reluctantly she glanced back at him. There had obviously been some more of that silent communication between the four boys and she felt uncomfortable with their scrutiny. "He threatened your family."

"He implied." Lily corrected with a sigh.

Potter and Black glanced at each other.

Lily shoved her bangs out of her eyes. "Look, Potter. I'm not asking you to come up with the answers here, alright? All I want is to know where to start looking. You know the magical world better than I do. This isn't something I've had to worry about before and I need a starting point. That's all."

"I don't think so."

Lily frowned at the hard edge in Potter' tone. "What?"

He shook his head, eyes dark. "You cannot possible think that I'm – that _we_ – are going to just give you a couple of names or book titles and _leave you to it_."

Lily pushed to her feet and frowned at him. "Why not?"

"Use that head of yours Evans," Black drawled at her. "While I'm sure those marks of yours translate to intelligence outside of the classroom, you're being a right idiot."

Before she could decide whether kicking Black in the shins was a better alternative to hexing, Remus broke into her furious glaring match.

"Lily, please. Sit down. Then James and Sirius will explain why just giving you some information won't work." His voice was quiet, but it was the same tone he took to cut through the clatter of the Prefect meetings.

Lily curled her fingers into fists. "I don't know why I'm even bothering right now."

Remus shook his head. "It doesn't matter why you have. You did. Now let us help."

Peter nodded. His round face was serious and there was a set to his shoulders she hadn't noticed before. He looked… confident. "He's right. We can help."

Lily stared at him, considering. "And what do you think that you can do? Dumbledore has made it clear he doesn't believe this to be a problem and having you four threaten Snape is _not_ going to solve this."

Peter's eyes glittered for a moment at her mention of hexing Snape before it disappeared behind his usual boyish expression. "Maybe, maybe not – obviously you think we can do something or you wouldn't have asked."

Remus braced his elbows on his thighs and studied her. "You're not easy to spook, Evans. So clearly there is more to this than just concern over what Snape implied." He shook his head when she opened her mouth. "Don't. Just listen for a moment. You're concerned for your family and rightly so. Snape's predilection to associate with the crowd that he has chosen is worrisome, especially considering your past history. If he is considering making a play for a position with this Voldemort and his Death Eaters, then you have reasons for more than concern. But that doesn't explain your reaction to being seen with James."

Black tilted his head. "Hey, that's true. It's not like you haven't spent the last few years verbally shredding us all into little pieces every chance you had." He snapped his fingers and his smile didn't reach his eyes. "You worried about something Evans?"

Lily squeezed her eyes shut and spoke through clenched teeth. "Snape has a particular hatred for you four."

"Come on now Evans," Peter said. "There has to be more to it than that."

Lily opened her eyes and frowned. "Why does it have to?"

Potter leaned back and studied her. "Snivellus has been watching you, hasn't he? I thought it was just the usual from him, but now that I think about it… certifiable stalker."

"Interesting," Remus murmured, "that he specifically told you stay away from us though."

Lily kept her mouth shut. She wasn't sure what she could say on the subject that would convince them that Snape hadn't told her, specifically, to stay away from Potter without making it look like she was the one who hadn't wanted to be seen with him. That her first reaction to Potter in her compartment _hadn't_ been to jump down his throat and verbally eviscerate him; Snape would have expected that. They were right. And while Snape had warned her to keep this to herself… she was the one who had immediately thought of Potter.

"Think they are getting suspicious?" Black asked, head tilted to the side oddly.

Lily blinked out of her thoughts and frowned at him. Remus glanced at her and something he read their must have amused him, because the seriousness of his tone when he spoke was at odds with the way the edges of his eyes had crinkled. What?

"Possibly. We know they've been trying to intimidate Pete."

Peter gave an uneasy smile. "But why Evans?'

Remus arched a brow and Peter ducked a little, cheeks flushing; Lily was just confused. What on earth were they insinuating? That Snape had harassed her _because_ _of_ Potter? But why? Feeling bewildered she glanced around the room, trying to put her finger on the subtext.

"The statue of limitations does allow for self-defense." Black drawled, "If you can prove it of course. Right now, even his friends wouldn't be able to manage that without collateral damage."

Potter finally lifted his eyes and studied her. "Risky, letting it stay in the ministry hands like that if they _are_ getting suspicious. We know there are leaks. If they make a move like _that_ then it isn't going to matter what Evans does."

"What does this have to do with protecting my family?" Lily finally interrupted, her nails digging into her palms. "_What_ are you talking _about_?"

Potter just studied her, hazel eyes more brown than green. Something about the angle of his eyes was making her heart pound and she stubbornly held his gaze out of sheer determination. Surely they weren't discussing what she thought they were discussing. That Snape would ambush Potter and then make it look like an accident. But what would the ministry have to do with that and what did _any_ of this have to do with her?

Remus tilted his head and suddenly snapped his fingers. "Portkey?"

Black paused, fingers stilling against his knee. "Hmm, that might work."

"Portkey?" Lily repeated, looking at Remus. Finally someone was talking about something she could follow. Her expression turned considering. "Those aren't easy to get your hands on and it's illegal to make one without permission; where would we _go_ with it?"

Potter leaned back and considered the ceiling, foot bouncing against the floor. "That'd work. We'd have to give them something to slow them down though, Portkeys take time."

Lily opened her mouth to comment when Black caught her attention. His face was uncharacteristically tense. "The Lords of the Ancient and Noble Houses can make Portkeys, Evans."

Lily blinked and then frowned at him. She knew a little about who Black was and that Potter's bloodline was _old_. It was one of those pieces of information that Snape had never been able to let go of – she remembered that first train ride with painful clarity. But she also knew that Black had been… if not disowned completely, at least put into a position where everyone felt that Regulus would inherit. (She didn't gossip as a general rule, but the library was an excellent place to _listen_ and she'd found herself with an unusual amount of free time this year.) Her eyes skipped over to Potter who was watching her with that expression again and she laced her fingers together tightly.

"Let me get this straight," Lily said slowly, not looking away from Potter, because… just because. "I tell you that Snape has made me uncomfortable about the possible safety of my family and you four automatically start discussing 'self-defense' and leaks in the ministry. You aren't willing to help me in the _conventional way_ of protecting my family, or even explain what the conventional way _is_, but you're willing to get me a Portkey. What _exactly_ do you think is going on here?"

Black sighed and leaned out of her peripheral vision. "Good thing some of us think your trustworthy, Evans – bird like you could get the lot of us into trouble."

Potter looked away from her and she swung her eyes back and forth between the best friends. There was a tension that crackled between them and the small hairs on the back of her neck rose at the change of pressure. She was starting to feel like a broken record but… _what was going on?_

"The reason Snape warned you away from me, _Lily_," Potter drew her name out, gaze finally leaving Black, and she swallowed at the edge there. His eyes were dark and the anger she could see so clearly left his magic humming in the air. "Is because he knows exactly how I will react to his threat – that I won't let him _anywhere_ _near_ _you_."

And her heart was lodged somewhere in her throat at his implacable tone. Alarm made her cranky and she narrowed her eyes, chin lifting. "Potter, I'm asking for help to protect my family because it's necessary, not because I expect anything from you. And I've told you, I can protect myself."

Black laughed the sound booming through the room. A sudden surge of temper was turning her face red and she kept her hands firmly laced together. Cursing him right now wouldn't solve anything.

"Evans, you have _no_ idea." He shook his head and waved off Remus when he tried to talk. His eyes glittered and there was a distinct lack of amusement now. "Oh stuff it, Mooney. I'm not going to sit here and listen to her ramble on about protecting herself. She doesn't even know what she has to worry _about_."

Lily didn't have to look at Potter to know he agreed. She forced herself to think for a moment, to keep from lashing out as badly as she wanted too. And she wanted too. And she could very easily ram those words back down Black's throat. Shutting her eyes, she forced her temper back down. Black was an arse, but as far as he knew, he was right. But she hadn't stayed friends with Snape as long as she had _just_ in an attempt to maintain a friendship that was important to her. And if she was going to ask Potter, _the Marauders_ of all people, for help, either she trusted them a little or not at all.

'…_that I wouldn't let him anywhere near you._'

And that was _rubbish_, because she didn't need protection. She needed _help_.

"Black, how many times am I going to have to say this?" Lily finally said through clenched teeth. "Severus Snape was my best friend – I've known him since I was _nine years old_. I know how to deal with him because we learned _together_."

She opened her eyes and met that startled gray gaze straight on. "I know pretty damn well what is going on and that it is going to get much, much worse. Stop treating me like an idiot. I don't want you to rescue me, understand? I need _help_. My muggle family has _no defense_ and what do you think is going to happen if I casually mention that the boy who used to spend every waking hour and every holiday at our house has become a _terrorist_? I can't legally apparate for another month and even then, I risk splinching myself or my family if I am _running for our lives._ Plus, I don't think I can get them all out – I'd need three trips. So stop looking at me as a muggleborn who doesn't pay attention and use that brain of yours!"

The silence in the compartment was heavy. Then Pete bumped into her and she looked down. His blue eyes were grave. "You know dark magic?"

She pressed her lips together for a moment before speaking. "I am very, very good at defense. I didn't practice it, not the way that Snape did, but I know it. And I know the theory behind it."

Remus tapped his fingers against his thigh and she watched the only one she truly considered a friend mull that over. "Well that changes things."

And Lily really just wanted to bang her head against the wall.

"Explains a lot," Potter said finally and Lily peaked at him out of the corner of her eye. She didn't bother looking at Black. She knew how much he hated anything that smacked of dark magic, but if you didn't at least know of it, how did you fight it?

"Especially why Snape is targeting her family instead of her directly."

Black made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a growl. "Dark magic."

Lily growled back. "Oh stuff it, Black. I'm _muggleborn_. Damn straight I learned it. How else was I supposed to know what it would do? Don't you sit there and judge me for trying to find a way to understand why the old families are divided by it when we don't even talk about it in History of Magic. How else am I supposed to know how to deal with the Slytherin house when they decide to start making trouble on rounds?"

Remus made a noise and Lily glanced over him, concerned. His eyes were shut and he was holding the bridge of his nose as if he had a sudden headache. She glanced over at Potter and Black… Potter looked…

"They've been harassing you on patrol?" Potter said softly, the green flecks in his eyes bright and somehow, unnerving. Lily had several things click into place at once and she just sort of stared at Potter, suddenly uncertain. Fourth and Fifth year had been a crazy sort of hell – Snape's growing rage at each of Potter's ridiculous attempts to ask her out compounded by the break in their friendship. This year had been quieter and lonely, but it had given her a chance to really look at herself. But she had never once thought that… she blinked rapidly at Potter.

Taking a deep breath Lily tried to shove her sudden revelation aside – he _liked_ her. Even _she_ knew that depth of rage didn't happen if there weren't feelings involved. Two years of childish displays and a year of a careful, cautious sort of co-existence where they mutually avoided each other… and for reasons she couldn't explain her mouth was suddenly bone dry and there was a fluttering of butterflies taking residence in her stomach.

"Look, we're not getting anywhere with this."

Potter fisted his hands and glared at her then shifted the weight of his anger to Remus. "Who?"

Lily tossed her hands up and let out a noise of frustration. "Remus wasn't there when most of it happened, Potter."

Remus stared at her blankly. And Potter even looked surprised out of the worse of his anger. Then his brows bunched together and he squinted at her. "You and Remus are patrol partners."

Lily cursed mentally and crossed her arms. "It doesn't matter."

Black sneered at her. "Like hell, what have you been doing? Arranging secret meetings with Snivellus behind our backs, Evans? This all some sort of set up?"

"What?" Lily whipped around and stared at him. "_You_…" Her palms stung from her nails digging into her palms in an attempt not to go for her wand. She felt herself flushing with the force of her rage and shifted back to her feet. Somehow her wand made it into her palm anyway and she went to cancel the wards, furious. Snape had been her friend, but he had betrayed her. She wasn't some sort of puppy to go back and _beg_ especially when he had become the type of person who could threaten her parents, who _loved_ him.

Like hell she was sticking around for this. She'd find another way.

Before she could do more than tighten her grip on her wand, Remus' fingers had curled around her wrist and there was an expression behind his eyes that made her pause. She sensed Potter, Black and Pete standing as well but kept her attention on Remus. Remus who had somehow become her friend.

Then Remus closed his eyes and groaned. "You know."

Lily frowned at him, ignoring the explicit cursing coming from Black. "Know what?"

Remus wouldn't look at her. His face had gone pale and there was a line between his brows she hadn't seen before. It was only a lifetime of hiding her hurt from Petunia that allowed her to hide reaction to the realization that Remus expected her to reject him.

Pete broke into her sudden hurt. "About Remus."

Lily arched a brow and forced herself to maintain her blasé expression. She didn't know how these three wouldn't know about Remus, but she wouldn't betray him on the off chance that they didn't. "I'm sorry…. but what exactly about Remus are we talking about?"

Black snorted. "Cut the shit, Evans. I'm such an idiot. If Snivellus knew, you knew. Fuck it."

"Padfoot," James said quietly. Black snorted and shook his head, running his hands through his bangs.

"Hasn't this been on big revel? What exactly are you playing at Evans?"

Lily was completely lost. The hostility in Black's eyes was for far more than simply knowing that Remus was a werewolf. Did he think she had set this up? Why would she? What could they possibly be into that someone would even attempt to trap them in this way? What were they involved in that had Black so paranoid? Reaching up, she pressed the fingers of her free hand against the headache pounding between her eyebrows.

This was such a mess and clearly a _mistake_. "I stood with Snape for five years because he was my _friend_. _Why_ would I do less for Remus?" Her lips curled at the edges in a bitter smile and she lowered her hand, tugging on the hold Remus had on her wrist. "We have to patrol."

Remus' seemed to still be in that same stunned state as his fingers slid off her wrist. Ignoring the angry, hostile frustration coming off Sirius in waves, she stepped around Remus and somehow found herself face to face with James. She blinked at him.

His face was unreadable, but those sparks of green were still bright and that unusual seriousness kept her still, even when she wanted to shove around him and cancel their protection spells. But there wasn't a lot of room in the compartment and his back was pressed against the door; she'd never tried to physically push past him before, hadn't needed too. The set to his jaw told her he wouldn't budge and she knew those shoulders had muscle.

"I need to go Potter."

He leaned forward, holding her gaze. "You know Remus is a werewolf."

Lily sighed. "Yes."

"How long?"

"Since we started patrolling third year, Black is right – Snape _was_ always suspicious. It wasn't hard to figure out those suspicious were correct."

Black let out a string of curses that were cut off. She heard Pete mutter something and a growl was ended before it really began. James seemed to be considering something because his eyes narrowed.

"You covered for him."

Lily refused to blush, but she wasn't certain it really worked when James leaned back and stared over her shoulder. It remained silent and she shifted her weight. "I need to patrol now, Potter."

The air was tense between them as he continued to watch her. Lily felt somewhere between tears and screaming rage – she wanted out of the compartment. If she was going to do this alone she needed someplace quiet to _think_.

"I'll find a way to protect your family, Lily."

Lily start to shake her head but he leaned back in again and met her eyes squarely. "We'll figure it out. I _promise_."

She blew at her bangs. Closing her eyes, she slowly shook her head. "Potter…"

Warm fingers curled around her jaw. She opened her eyes and blinked at the close proximity of James Potter. "Lily. I promise. We'll be in touch."

She bit her lip. "Snape…"

Something bright and mischievous flickered through his eyes and was gone. His fingers slid away from her jaw line and she bit the inside of her lip to keep from shivering at the drag of his calluses. Then he slowly took one very careful step to the side.

"We'll be in touch."

And Merlin help her, some of the tension at the base of her neck eased. To cover up her unexpected relief at his assurance, she narrowed her eyes and studied him for one long moment. Then she nodded, cancelled the spells and set off to the prefect compartment. Remus was close behind her but she ignored his one attempt to start the conversation.

She'd either bought herself the time she needed or made the biggest mistake of her life. Only time would tell her which one – or tell her why her insides were a jumbled mess of butterflies after James had touched her. She would have to spend the summer carefully re-evaluating everything she thought of the boy. But first, she had to make it off this train without raising Snape's suspicions. Great.

Something on Potter's face told her he wasn't going to forget her comment about rounds.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Please Comment<strong>_


	3. Summer Exploits

Things that I played with because there wasn't enough information and/or it didn't make sense to me in this chapter:

House of Black: Sirius being disowned. For all intents and purposes, he was kicked out of the family, but later inherits everything because… can't seem to find why, but he apparently does (at least where the Family House is concerned.) If we bend logic, we can see that it could be because he is the only one still alive, even if he is disinherited. Uncle Alphard does leave Sirius a lot of gold, which explains his wealth if all he got was the house but we aren't given enough information. I'm playing with that.

There is also apparently a purebred wizard set of rules that we don't know anything about, considering Harry's only real viewpoint for that world as a) Sirius, who wasn't sane at that point b) Ron, whose family was very poor and seemed to disregard most of the purebred views. (Although that is hard to confirm, because we don't really see a lot of them outside of summer or through Ron. Or, there i_sn't_ any specific Pureblood rules, outside that they get preferential treatment, and their should have been.) The Potters were wealthy (apparently) and it seemingly was expected that they were wealthy, but where did that wealth come from?

Anyway, just a few of the ideas that I am playing with and will continue to play with. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Ravyn

* * *

><p>The summer had been unnecessarily hot.<p>

Pushing her damp bangs out of her eyes, Lily sat back on her haunches and examined the flower bed she had been quietly tending in the early hours of the morning. One of the only bright points so far had been that with the heat, Petunia had refused to step foot out of the house. Her habit of rising early gave her the relatively cooler morning hours to herself and it was only out here, under the shade of her father's favorite trees that she found the time to think. Even though she could do magic now, her family didn't really approve of overt displays – Petunia in particular would shriek for hours if she did something 'unnatural.' So she kept her magic simple and as hidden as she dared.

Weeding this morning just gave her fingers something to do. Later, she'd pull out the large, brimmed hat she'd spelled back at Hogwarts with a semi-permanent cooling charm and set about studying her seventh year books and working her way through her required reading. Homework had to be done inside – so did her _other_ studies. The advanced books she'd brought home with her in an attempt to start contemplating the ward structure she would need to lie down to protect her family. She was determined to have something working before she left for school… if Snape was going to be sneaking about these first few weeks, she wanted to keep her outdoor reading to her usual fare.

It had been three weeks since she had left Platform 9 3/4and the tension at the base of her neck was tightening a little more each day. It hadn't helped that her parents had spoken with genuine regret at not seeing Severus around anymore. They had accepted her excuses with skeptical expressions – O.W.L.s had lessened the amount of time they spent together and now they simply ran in different circles – but she found she couldn't bring herself to tell them just yet of the actual danger they were in. She knew eventually she would have too, but Sev… _Snape_ enjoyed his mind games too much to harm them now. He'd let her stew in her own bottled frustrations and fear – trap her with individual threads for his greater web. He was a master at that.

It also made any practical applications of her possible rune and warding schemes tricky. She had to keep it subtle or nearly invisible if she didn't want Snape to catch wind of it. If she made anything overly complex or apparent, Snape would take it as a challenge. He'd break it just to show he could, that she had no protection against him.

But until the made that first move, let her see him watching – let her know in that subtle, terrifying way that the ante had shifted again… _not_ until then. Only then would she break and tell her parents the truth. Of Voldemort and the Death Eaters and the danger that 'Sev' was to them. It was selfish of her, to want to keep this to herself as long as she could. Ignorance wouldn't help her family in the long run but it let her pretend. And she kept her wand close – it was currently easily and quickly accessible in the basket next to her. Snape knew what she was willing to do to protect her family and there was no guarantee he could take her in an individual duel.

She hadn't heard from James Potter in three weeks.

Dragging her fingers through the loose dirt she once again tried to work her mind through the mesh of information that had been shown to her in that compartment. So many half-sentences and looks that had a wealth of meaning. The expression behind James Potter's eyes as he stared at her with that fury and somehow, a determination that made butterflies in her stomach flutter. There was a rock solid confidence and it clashed confusingly with the image of the brash, stupid boy. He didn't just think he could help her, he _knew_. And even though it had been three weeks since she had last seen him, she hadn't flinched in her conviction that he _would_ help her.

It was why she had gone to him for help in the first place, as hesitant as she was to admit it. But what she had not expected particularly was for the heat behind his eyes to catch her so off guard. The knowledge that he… liked, maybe even _cared_, about her was a Filibuster's firework that had gone off unexpectedly in her hands. It left her flushed and uncertain – shaking her head violently, she forced those thoughts aside. She had other, more important things to worry about.

Like why Potter thought that she was bait for a trap that Snape had set… the Marauder's thought processes were so mind bogglingly twisty it gave her a headache to keep trying to think like them. That she had followed their insane logic on a gut level left her feeling a bit queasy. She didn't doubt that Snape was capable of thinking along those convoluted lines and create a trap, his hatred for Potter and Black was a living thing at times. But whereas the Marauders would underestimate her capabilities with both wand and logic, Snape would _not_. The only reason she had managed to get away with her secret meeting with them was because the idea of her turning to James Potter was completely _ludicrous_…

Three weeks into summer vacation and she still didn't want to examine that thought too closely, some instinctive part of her mind and heart warning her that it would change everything if she let it. So it sat at the back of her mind like a trap and she carefully tiptoed around it. Didn't she have enough to worry about as it was?

A soft, squeaking noise had her lifting her eyes and scanning the grass carefully. Mice weren't her phobia (_roaches_, on the other hand…) but another set of soft squeaks didn't reveal the creature. Frowning she brushed her dirt-covered palms off on the thigh of her shorts and pushed to her feet. As soon as she stood, she caught the careful movement of what appeared to be a large rat. She froze. Rats carried diseases, and if her mother saw him she'd pitch a fit – Petunia gained her inclinations for drama naturally. She was half-way into moving for her wand when the rat did something completely unexpected.

It stood up on its back feet and danced.

Blinking several times to clear her obviously impaired vision, she stared stupidly at the creature before realizing that magic was at work here. Half a dozen possible scenarios bounced around her head – the Imperio worked on animals – but she quickly discarded them. Death Eaters wouldn't bother with something so insignificant and while Snape was malicious, he certainly couldn't have caste this little dancing rat with the imperious. There were illusion charms, but she couldn't think of why someone would use one. So that left one other option: Animagus.

And her first thought – _surely Potter wasn't that stupid_ – made her heart jump into her throat. (For a single heartbeat, she allowed herself to consider Potter as a rat and somewhere she was laughing.) Carefully, eyes firmly on the now still rat, she reached for the basket and calmly pulled out her wand.

"Let me make something clear. You will crawl into this basket and be still and silent until we get to my room. I am perfectly willing to stun you and take you to the Ministry of Magic. After the Warning for Misuse of Magic my fifth year, I'm hardly going to be nervous about being slapped with a fine for apparating into Diagon Alley without a license – I'm sure they'd be very interested in verifying that you were properly registered, understand?"

It was a risk, of course. If the Animagus was properly registered then it wouldn't fear her threat. It was a gamble, but she found that the Gryffindor in her soul wanted to know what this was about – she couldn't seem to find a way to talk herself out of it. When the rat nodded in clear agreement she gritted her teeth and motioned for to jump into the basket.

It was a little after ten in the morning on a Saturday, which meant that Petunia was just now bothering to roll out of bed. Her parents didn't stop her as she moved up the stairs to her room – not for the first time did she bless their habit of being deeply involved in the morning paper. Slipping near silently into the room she had to herself, she set the basket on the floor and locked the door behind her.

A pale, furry head looked around before jumping out of the basket and letting out a series of squeaks. Lily calmly pointed her wand at him. "I suggest you change forms and quickly or this is going to go badly for you."

Of course, this had a chance of going badly for _her_. The rat did as requested and changed shape, melting somehow and growing until she was staring in something like shock at the round face of Peter Pettigrew. It was only habit that kept her grip on her wand and she leaned against the door behind her for support. "Pettigrew?"

He smiled almost shyly. "Hi Evans."

And the world tipped itself sideways. Closing her eyes she desperately tried to put the pieces together that were suddenly cramming themselves into her brain like hot shards of glass. Peter Pettigrew was an Animagus – they weren't even going to discuss this topic until next year with Professor McGonagall. She knew Peter was smart – he pulled himself out of his friends shadow this year and somehow the anxious, uncertain little boy had found his confidence and he had shined in charms and runes. But this? Peter was no transfiguration genius which meant…

James Potter _was_ that stupid.

"If I ask, are you going to be at liberty to tell?"

"Probably not," his voice was overwhelmingly cheerful. "I like your room. Sirius was certain it was going to be all girly and stuff, but Remus just laughed at him. Smells nice. Do all girls room smell nice? James is going to demand I use his father's pensive so he can see you know."

Lily held up her hand and used the other to pinch the bridge of her nose. Later, _later_ she'd have nightmares about just what those three had done to achieve this amazing piece of magic sometime before this summer and what they had been doing with it. (She really hoped those wards on the stairs at Hogwarts included Animagus otherwise, she didn't want to think of where one rat could hide in their dorm room. She'd have to re-think the extra precautions she put on her bed now…) But right now, Peter was in her room and that meant Potter had come through for her.

Opening her eyes, she caught Peter staring at her bookshelf with a curious expression. "Peter?"

He turned and she motioned to her desk chair and perched herself on her bed. "Why are you here?"

Peter pressed his palms together and smiled. "Well, James wanted to come. Really badly, but Remus reminded him that was a totally bollocks idea since Snape would likely do his usual thing if they saw each other, just with less magic. Sirius probably thought about going but we all decided that was a terrible idea since you know, he's _Sirius_. So Remus brought me – he's hanging out at the little grocery store a little ways from here waiting on us. Wasn't sure if I'd manage to catch your attention and not get chased with a broom – those things are _scary_! Anyway, if you'd like, we can meet up with Remus and he's willing to explain things."

Lily stared at him. That was the most animated and the longest speech she had ever heard from him. But as he smiled at her she realized that the confidence she had seen from him on the train had somehow become more in the last three weeks. "Do you have any _idea_ of how many ways that plan could go wrong?"

"James counted something like thirty-five, but since it was less than forty, we went with it."

They were _insane_. All of them. Since she could feel a bubble of laughter trying to work its way out of her throat, she figured some of that insanity was rubbing off. Shaking her head in absolute amazement at the gall of them she finally ran her fingers over her face. "Okay. Fine. Let's hope that Snape doesn't see us then."

Peter furrowed his brows and cocked his head. "Does he go out in the early morning? We weren't sure, you see – we've had him pegged as a bat for years. Would have been here sooner, but we weren't sure when you'd be up and it's really not a good idea to leave Remus alone in a store with a chocolate supply for more than a couple of hours…"

Twisty logic – they thought in twisty logic that made these strange skips of sanity into insanity. It was the only explanation that could possible account for how any of them were still alive – and apparently Animagus. Blowing out a breath, she considered the best way to go about getting to the store without rousing any suspicions. She would just have to assume they were smart enough to figure out how to maintain some privacy. She gave herself a quick once over in the mirror – hair pulled up, dirt stained shorts from the garden and a loose tank top that bared her already freckled shoulders to the sun.

"You're going to have to switch to being a rat, just in case." She told him as she hunted her purse. "Snape doesn't usually go to the store I think you're talking about but that doesn't mean we could get really unlucky."

Peter shrugged and disappeared back into a rat. For a moment she stared at him in complete fascination. She'd seen Professor McGonagall changed back and forth several times, but Peter was nearly as comfortable as her Professor. Which suggested a great deal of practice or a lot longer than just one school year as a rat? She was both horrified and envious of the magic and shook herself.

Digging out her summer bag she picked up Peter and carefully closed the edges of the purse to hide him. It wasn't difficult to explain that she was 'headed to the store and did anyone need anything?' Thankfully no one had anything they wanted and Petunia wasn't yet downstairs for the morning. The walk was quick and she was relieved to see Remus lingering near the front doors. When she caught sight of him he carefully glanced around, eyes catching the light oddly for a moment before he strode into the small lot and joined her.

"Lily."

It was strange to see Remus in Muggle Clothing – he fit them, somehow. Blinking at the ease at which he was standing, for the first time, she had reason to question how often he found himself in a Muggle setting. Yet another question for another day.

"Remus. I have Pete in my bag. Perhaps we should go somewhere with a little more privacy?"

Somewhere with more privacy ended up being a rather quiet neighborhood with a small park. It was only a few blocks away from the store but it was a considerably better neighborhood than her own and silent in the late morning hours. Remus glanced around and breathed deeply once, then twice and nodded. Pulling out his wand, he muttered a few charms – most she knew, but the last one she'd have to look up later. Peter jumped out of her bag and changed back into his human shape and grinned.

"I told you it would work!"

Remus grinned at him in response before facing her. "Lily, how are you managing?"

"Right now? I am _seriously_ questioning my sanity." Lily reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose, not bothering to even look at Peter. "What were you thinking? _Animagus_? _When_ did you have time for that? I don't even want to think about how long it took or when you started or how in Merlin's name you managed to keep from getting caught!"

Remus cleared his throat. "We aren't really at liberty to talk about it."

Lily lowered her hand and frowned at him. "Peter transforms nearly as flawlessly as Professor McGonagall, don't think I don't know how much practice that takes. Which means you managed it sometime before last year – the idea makes my head hurt, Remus."

Remus grimaced. "I know."

Lily tilted her head at him and considered that pained, agitated look on his face and found herself suddenly swallowing giggles. Pressing her hand to her mouth, she got herself under control and glanced over at Peter who still had that overly wide smile on his face. "So you didn't tell Remus what you were doing then?"

Peter perked up even brighter. "It was awesome."

Remus pressed his face into the palms of his hands and Lily laughed then. She could connect the dots. Remus was a werewolf. The boys were Animagus. The understanding of exactly what those three had done for her friend was sobering and she swallowed the last of her hilarity as she realized the exact lengths they were willing to go for each other. Closing her eyes, she sighed.

"What did Peter mean when he said that this rather crazy plan of yours had less than forty risks so you thought that was the better option?" How much utter insanity had they been up too if they felt like forty possible problems was an acceptable outcome and did she really want to know?

Remus glanced at Pete. "I told you she'd have us pegged."

Peter nodded solemnly. "Sirius owes you a gallon."

Lily crossed her arms and glowered at him. "Are you finished?"

Remus and Peter shared a look; Lily pursed her lips and told herself to hold her tongue. Finally they motioned for her to sit next to a large tree. Once they were all settled Remus produced a large chocolate bar broke it into three pieces before handing them out.

"I apologize for the shock of Peter showing up as a rat, but we weren't certain we could avoid detection from Snape otherwise. It's possible that he is watching and we wanted to be sure."

"And we're sure he isn't watching now?"

Remus rubbed his nose sheepishly. "I don't smell him and I've got pretty good radar for magic. And one of the spells I used checked for any sort of listening spell. It's general, but it's also obscure, so yes, I'm reasonably certain we are alright."

Peter swallowed his large bite and nodded. "We should be fine here. It's not like we are going to be talking about really sensitive subjects anyway."

Lily gave him a dubious look. Peter transforming was sensitive information, but he apparently didn't seem bothered by her knowledge of it. It would be an entirely different matter if Snape found out about this. "If you say so."

"Look, Lily – we trust you. With some things. Obviously you could have everyone in big trouble if you told anyone about certain changes – but you've held my secret this long, so you're being trusted with theirs." Remus said carefully.

Lily chewed her chocolate slowly and read through the lines. She had asked them for help and they were willing to give it – they were giving her show of a trust in return for hers. She wondered how difficult _that_ had been for Sirius to swallow. She was willing to bet he wasn't happy about it at all. Six years of uncertainty and animosity didn't just disappear, even if they were seemingly willing to look past it.

She wondered if her life was going to be filled with these double meanings and code. Finishing the chocolate she wiped her hands on the grass and sighed. Nothing she could do about it now.

"Alright. I promise to stay quiet about your other… abilities. I take it we are not going to be discussing that further here?"

"Sorry," Remus said with a shrug. "Not unless you are willing to take a vow – which we can't do now anyway."

And just like that, her heard started pounding. Surely he wasn't suggesting that they had… taken some sort of wizards vow between _them_. She bit the tip of her tongue hard enough to hurt to keep from asking. Not here, not now but eventually…. Breathing in deep, she nodded.

Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out a large, decorative gobstone. It was the kind that was used for decorative purposes and not the actual game. The red of the stone seemed to glimmer but there otherwise wasn't anything unusual about the piece. Heart hammering in her throat, she curled her fingers tightly around the stone.

"Is this…"

"Activation word is the name of Peter's Animagus. The form, not the nickname."

Nickname?

"It will activate twenty seconds after you say it, so be ready for it."

Lily stared down at her white knuckled fist. "And my parents? They can use it as well?"

There was a pause. Then Peter spoke carefully. "We think so, but it would be best if you were with them. Muggles might not do so well with this kind of travel on their own."

Remus gave her a flat, amber-eyed glance. "You are not allowed to get your family away and stay behind, Lily. _Promise_."

She stared at the large red stone for a long moment. "I promise to not sacrifice myself needlessly, Remus, but that's all you're getting."

Peter frowned at her, eyes narrowing as he stared at her. The calculation there shouldn't have been surprising, yet somehow it was. But instead of saying whatever was going on behind those eyes, his face shifted into mischief. "When you were threatening to take me to the Ministry of Magic if I tried anything? What did you mean when you said you'd already had one Misuse of Magic warning and wouldn't balk at a fine for illegally apparating?"

Remus looked startled and he blinked at her. "Lily?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, stop giving me that look, Remus. Yes, I might have used some magic here once and gotten a warning for it. I was informing the rat-that-I-didn't-know-was-Peter that if he tried anything funny, I'd stun him and take him in, consequences be hanged."

Remus looked relieved. "Testing out a protection charm?"

Lily couldn't help the way her lips twitched upwards. "No."

Peter suddenly looked delighted. "Hexing Snape?"

"No and stop asking."

Remus blinked at her. "You pranked someone?"

"Remus…."

"You pranked someone over the summer using magic which broke the law…" Peter looked impressed. "Sirius will never believe us."

Lily shoved the gobstone into her purse. "Is that all you had to tell me? I should be getting back or my parents will start wondering where I headed off to."

Peter shook his head. "No, wait. There is one more thing."

Lily hesitated and then sat back down. "What?"

Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, rectangular wooden box. Tapping it with his wand, he was soon holding a box that was several inches wide and just as long. Peering into it, she frowned at the line of runes that covered most of the bottom. "What is this?"

"James has it in his head that you are probably not going to be content with just the Portkey. He said that knowing you, you probably brought home a small library of books to start figuring things out yourself. After some thought, I agreed with him. Especially since you kept insisting you just needed _help_." Remus frowned at her. "Are you going to tell me what Professor Flitwick and Slughorn loaned you?"

Lily kept her face smooth only because she had practice. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Peter grinned at her. "Bollocks, I owe Prongs five sickles."

Remus shook his head and handed her the box. "This is if you need us."

Lily arched a brow as she took the box. "I don't understand."

Peter fished out another piece of chocolate and grinned at her. "Obviously, we can't owl back and forth. We thought about the mirrors, but then Sirius started making comments about accidentally seeing you naked or something and James flipped his lid. So we came up with this. It's what took us so long. Just write out your questions on a scroll and tap the box three times – um, the password is something like…"

"No place like home," Remus muttered, looking a bit embarrassed. "Sirius got a hold of my copy of the Wizard of OZ and actually read it. He thought it was a riot."

And he may or may not be attempting to find a way to create flying monkeys, Lily mentally added on. Blowing out a breath, she ran her finger down the line of ruins. She was going to have to study this. "So after I tap the box…"

"It will bring us the letter." Peter said proudly. "If you want to check it for a scroll, you have to use the password too. It was the only way we could think to keep someone from seeing the scroll appearing that you didn't want too. We've been testing it, it should work. So that way if you need help, you can ask for it!"

Lily frowned at them. "But why…"

Remus leaned forward and took her hand. "You're my friend, Lily – I want to help you. We want to help you. Let us help you. If that doesn't convince you, think of it this way – the Potters have an extensive Library and Sirius' has… experience with wards. We have resources and we are offering them to you."

And there wasn't any argument to that that she could think of right now, anyway. And these boys were clearly brilliant in their own way – what mirrors were they talking about? – and having a second, third or fourth opinion on her schemes would be… helpful. She didn't have to use the box until she got stuck, after all.

"Okay. Thank you." She forced herself to stand and gather her things, instead of picking their brains for more information or hints to their real reasons. But then she remembered that Remus called himself her friend – and the others had cared enough for his friendship to illegally become Animagus because Remus was a werewolf. Her throat felt tight.

Remus stood with her and pinned her with a fierce look. "You take care of yourself, Lily. Don't second guess yourself, if you think something is going wrong, use the Portkey and get the hell out of here."

Lily adjusted her bag. "Don't worry so much. I understand how Snape works and I'm smart enough not to take on Death Eaters. If I have the slightest worry about something going wrong, I'll risk looking like a hysterical girl before I let something happen to my family."

Peter nodded. "Good."

Lily glanced at them both and then blew out a breath. "Thank you. And tell Potter I owe you one. Or two, as it may be."

Remus shook his head, "Lily you don't…"

She held up her hand. "I owe all of you for this and don't try to tell me otherwise. I'll guess I'll see you at the Apparition Test."

X

James stared up at the clear sky. Sprawled on his back with his arms crossed behind his head, he let the heat of the day sink into his bones, ignoring the faint itch of the grass. It had been four hours and thirty minutes since Remus and Peter had snuck off to find Lily and somehow, give and explain how the Portkey worked. And the other present.

It had taken three weeks of work to put everything together. Most of that had been spent building the little box that could transfer tiny packages or letters – Remus had gotten the idea from the mirrors. It made sense that if they could use mirrors to see and talk to each other and move their bodies through apparition there had to be a middle ground. The rune work had been excruciating and they'd caught a table on fire (twice) but they'd worked it out. Their biggest problem was that while it was password protected (both the sending and the receiving) it was entirely too easy to crack that kind of defense. It wasn't a practical way of sending extremely sensitive messages. Unlike that conversation Remus had overheard between Dumbledore and McGonagall regarding using their Patronusto send a message… and wasn't that just fascinating. Once they had all mastered the Patronus Charm, it would be just a matter of figuring out the quirk that let the charm hold the message…

He thought Lily might have an idea. If she didn't use the box – and they didn't figure it out soon – he'd broach the subject with her. He knew her well enough to guess that she'd be reluctant to open the conversation and he had no such qualms. Not now. Not when she'd come to him with the temper and frustration mingled with a touch of fear behind her eyes. Now when he'd seen her _realization_ – it shocked him that somehow she'd not understood. How could he'd have been any _clearer_? That there was something between them. Of course, he'd seen her stubborn refusal to acknowledge it as well, but she _knew_. And that was apparently more than he'd had.

James felt the first actual spark of hope.

The Portkey had been tricky in that it had been necessary to have his father charm one for them without fully explaining the reasons behind it – the war, Snape, his growing unease with Dumbledore. He didn't doubt his father guessed that there was more than he was telling – Lily Evans was a name that had been heard before, many times. That his father had taken his request seriously told him that they had noticed the change in his behavior and were evaluating it. He'd taken the last two years of extra training seriously and his father had been dropping hints about starting to him handle more than minor affairs.

As far as his parents knew, they had delivered the Portkey three days ago at an arranged trip to Diagon Alley. They had no idea that that morning they had taken a trip to outside the wards and Remus had apparated illegally to Lily's muggle neighborhood. Now they were just waiting for them to get back.

Closing his eyes, he forced the overactive part of his brain to be quiet and started to doze in the warm sunshine. Over thinking those thirty-five ways this whole thing could go wrong would just make him crazy. He half figured it was one of the reasons he was in Gryffindor, this inability to just sit somewhere and think without going out and doing something about it. Huffing in frustration when his brain kept thinking, thinking, _thinking_ he screamed when a sudden, expected wall of cold water drenched him. Lunging to his feet, wand clenched firmly between his fingers, he fired off the first half dozen curses that came to mind.

Sirius was laughing too hard to really care and only when his hair was standing a foot off his head in an assortment of colors and his feet were six sizes too large did he managed to contain himself. James glared, shoving his mopping bangs out of his eyes.

"You are an absolute menace with that wand."

Sirius grinned lasciviously and smoothed down his green and purple bangs. "The ladies don't complain."

James rolled his eyes and set out drying himself out. "Bored are you."

Sirius shrugged in-between his own spell reversal motions. "This waiting is ridiculous. _I_ don't wait for things. I say if they don't get back soon, we go crash the party."

James picked out a dry patch of grass and collapsed a second time. "That won't cause my parents any bit of suspicion. That _all_ of us are missing."

Sirius snorted but joined him on the grass and sighed, loudly. "Oh, they love me."

"They love you, but they'd ground me, which means you'd lose privileges too and stomp around the manor for days declaring your bored and huffing in that sulk of yours."

"Men do not sulk. And since I am certainly _manly_, your words have no affect on me." Sirius cut his eyes over. "Besides, have you forgotten? We're adults now."

James arched a brow. "Please, tell that to my mum the next time she catches us raiding her stock of elf wine. Let me know how that goes for you."

Sirius looked contemplative. "I just might."

And the silence became positively _weighty_, as Remus would declare. The usual means of judging Sirius' mood (his hair) wasn't going to work since after they had taken their oath, he had decided to keep it short. '_A sign that we are in war, 'gents – to be long only once all our enemies are dust beneath our feet._' Still, there was obviously something wrong with his friend and if Sirius had sought him out he was finally tired of batting it around in his own head and wanted to talk about it.

"Alright, what's really bothering you." James settled in for a few moments of poking in an attempt to get it out of his friend. Nothing ever came easy where Sirius was concerned after all. Which was why he was a bit shocked when Sirius started talking without the fifth or sixth threat at wand point.

"Uncle Alphard is going to make me his heir."

And James felt every hair on his body stand up in surprise. Uncle Alphie or not, Alphard was risking a great deal of wrath from his sister, Walburga Black, by declaring her cast off and disinherited son as his Heir. The brother and sister had always seemed to have a strange sort of amiable relationship, but James didn't see how that could last through this. Not to mention how this was going to rock the politics inside the House of Black. Alphard was the oldest son of Pollux Black and Irma _nee_ Crabbe and as such, with Sirius disowned, was 3rd in line to the House of Black and he had no children.

Sirius looked moody. "He told me that with only two male heirs born in my generation, we couldn't risk the line dying out. That even if my mother was determined to eradicate everyone from the line who disagreed with her he was not."

James let out a low whistle. "How did dear Walburga handle that?"

"She burned him from the tapestry." Sirius said flatly.

James felt an eyebrow inch upwards. "Fat lot of good that does her – she can disinherit you but she can't touch him. No way is your father going to risk losing Alphard's connections or his gold considering that was why he married Walburga in the first place."

"Don't I know it," Sirius ran his hands through his hair.

House of Black was _wealthy_. Orion Black once, hadn't been. It was an interesting paradox. The Black family was one of the few houses that had divided the assets between what belonged to the House of Black and what was personal. This insured that dowries and other debts would be paid, regardless of what the current Head of House managed to incur during his tenure. It was an old safeguard that had been put into place after several family members had been outright killed due to their inability to pay on magical debts. Orion's grandfather had done a number on their personal finances thanks to several fits of paranoia. By marrying his second cousin, Orion had guaranteed a sizeable increase in gold for his personal use through Walburga's dowry.

James ran a hand over his face. The only reason he knew so much about the inner workings of House of Black was thanks to his grandmother, Dorea Potter _nee_ Black. The niece of Orion's grandfather, she had several colorful opinions on the management of her family's holdings and written extensively on several subjects that she felt would be useful for her future descendents. He and Sirius had poured through those journals the summer before; looking for any details on the family that Sirius might not have already known.

"Does he want you to move in with him?"

Sirius clenched his hands into fists. "No, not until after graduation – he wants to see how I do on my N.E.W.T.s before he starts investing."

James knew that Sirius had always had something of a close relationship with his Uncle Alphard, even after he was sorted into Gryffindor and refused to acknowledge his families mania. Walburga and Orion had encouraged that relationship in the hope that Alphard could influence him in regards to the correct mindset, but also because Alphard was well connected. Introducing their heir to those connections had been politically savvy since Sirius would one day manage the House of Blacks Wizengamont vote. He wondered what this meant of Alphard's political leanings if he was willing to take in a blood traitor like Sirius…

"What's bothering you the most?"

Sirius sighed heavily and stared up at the sky, his mouth a tense line. "I had hoped to be rid of all of them."

"And now you are being pulled back in… in a lesser position." James guessed.

Sirius snorted. "Regulus doesn't have the spine to concern me. He's tough when he has his cronies around him but otherwise… I had been considering becoming an Auror. But with this…"

James made a noise of agreement. "You won't have the time if you're managing Alphard's estate."

Sirius sat up and braced his elbows on his knees and stared down at his clasped hands. "It's unexpected."

"That someone in your family cares about you?"

Sirius shifted enough so that he could wave a hand. "No, _well_, yes. What Voldemort is doing, it's two pronged: political and psychological. We know that. We've seen it in the hallways of Hogwarts and we've seen the effects it's having. It's so much easier to ignore it or to agree with it because no one is standing up to it. Publically. Especially not among the Families. The Auror force can't keep ahead of the death tolls and muggle-borns are being separated and singled out by their peers because of blood. The houses are drawing lines."

James sighed his agreement. "The problem is that all of us are still being labeled as to young to do anything about it – and the death eaters are taking advantage of it."

"So how do we fight?" Sirius asked. "The obvious choices we can't take. We can't risk it. There is more than just us at stake – you're the last of your line and I've suddenly got responsibilities. Remus is a werewolf and Peter is well, _Peter_. He's dangerous but no one is going to take him seriously. So where does that leave us?"

"Where it's always left us," James countered. "As long as no one is taking us seriously, we can move in the shadows. Right now, we have a lack of information and tactics; that will change _soon_. As for the rest… that'll depend. Dumbledore is going to set the stage with his choices for Heads next year."

Sirius gave him a considering look. "Evans is the clear choice for Head Girl. Worried?"

James considered that and felt his jaw tighten. It wasn't that she didn't deserve it. She did. And he knew if they offered – _when_ they offered – she'd take it. And Dumbledore would manage to paint a target on her back without doing more than passing over a shiny badge. She'd be _visible_ then – an upstart who took the highest honor for her year. He wouldn't put it past Dumbledore to try to make her some sort of symbol.

"Even Dumbledore has to know better than to put a Slytherian as Head Boy with a muggleborn."

"Remus will be a Prefect again. He can keep an eye on her." Sirius voice was carefully neutral.

James felt the muscle in his jaw jump; he had clenched his teeth so tightly. It took a moment, but he managed to speak. "She's been wandering the corridors during the full moons to protect him. And someone already felt like they could harass her."

A sudden pop interrupted their conversation and moments later a flushed Remus was walking with Peter into the clearing. Peter looked a little green around the gills but didn't appear to have lost his lunch. Which was an improvement over the first few times they had tried. Not that James blamed him – he'd almost puked too.

Remus met his gaze. "We're going to have to do something about how much she knows soon. Lily's too smart not to figure out that something is going on… and _then_ figure out what we're doing."

Peter nodded as he sat down; face slowly clearing of its green tinge. "You owe Remus a gallon, Padfoot." And then he fished into his pocket and pulled out five sickles which he handed to James, who looked thoughtful as he pocketed the change.

Sirius blinked and then frowned, brows drawing sharply together. "What?"

Remus looked smug. "I told you she wasn't just book smart, Sirius."

Peter nodded. "Yeah. She was real careful until she realized who I was – of course she had me at wand point and threatened to illegally apparate to the ministry if I did anything remotely threatening. Did you know she had gotten a Misuse of Magic warning? She wouldn't tell us what for, but when Remus asked her if it was for a prank she didn't deny it. Also Sirius, her room isn't all that girly – it's mostly done in colors that are not pink."

"You saw the inside of her _bedroom_?"

"Evans broke the law? _For a prank_?"

Remus rolled his eyes but the corners of his mouth were curving up. "Yes to both."

Sirius looked astonished. "Huh, who would have though Perfect Prefect Evans would break the law so blatantly? I feel like I should be impressed."

James was staring hard at Peter, who just smiled at him. "If you parents catch us using their pensive for what her bedroom looks like, they won't take you seriously all summer."

James tapped his temple. "You keep that memory close. One day, I'm going to see it."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Giving up on seeing it yourself, Jamsie?"

Sirius barked out a laugh at the look on his best friends face while Remus and Peter exchanged high-fives. James glared at them all and twirled his wand with narrowed eyes.

"Just you lot wait, one day some poor crazy witch is going to knock you off your feet and I am just going to laugh."

Peter looked at him sympathetically. "If you say so."

Sirius snorted and flopped back. "Won't happen – I'm too pretty and too graceful to be bludgeoned by a female. Remus now… I can see it. Some poor, brightly colored thing sweeping him of his feet…"

Remus ripped up a handful of grass and threw it at him. "Stuff it, _Snuffles_."

James ignored them, grandly. "So everything went well? No greasy-looking bats lingering around?"

"All clear," Peter reassured him. "Didn't see her parents either, she had me stuffed into a basket or purse-thing."

Remus sighed. "I suppose the question becomes now what?"

Sirius cracked open an eye. "Moony?"

"We've spent the last three weeks living and breathing this project. Our apparition test is in two weeks but we'll pass that with flying colors… so the question becomes – what do we do _now_?"

James leaned back and shrugged. "We do what we always do – we plot, we plan, we think of all possible contingencies and then when we strike? We win."

Sirius stretched. "I say we do something exciting. All this sneaking around on Evan's behalf was… interesting, I suppose, but too serious. We need some excitement!"

Remus muttered something pithy but James sat up. "Oh? What are you thinking?"

Sirius clapped his hands together and pinched his face up, making a show of thinking. "I don't have a clue."

Peter laughed. "We'll we've got to figure out how to send those messages through the patronus charm."

Sirius waved his hand about. "Child's play. That'll take us what, two days? Max? I mean something _big_! Something _awesome_!"

James shoved his hands through his hair, looking thoughtful. "Hmmm, more amazing than all our past marauding's…"

Remus sighed heavily. "I thought we agreed not to do anything that could interfere with our abilities to sit for our N.E.W.T.s, Sirius."

"_Big_ doesn't mean illegal… _mostly_." He paused and then sat up, his expression taking on a familiar, thoughtful cast. "Whatever it is, it's got to be big. Bigger than Animagus, better than the map… something epic… you know…"

"He's broke his brain," Peter stage whispered. "Thought too much and it just went splat."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Whatever. As I was saying… as a group we have acquired certain… select group of spells and talents. Some of them we've even created!"

James grinned. "Why yes, we're brilliant. But I thought we'd agreed to that back in first year and stuck with it through all these years of friendship."

Remus and Peter rolled their eyes and Sirius sniffed at them. "James, I don't think they appreciate us."

James pressed his hand to his heart. "That's okay, Sirius. I know you're my true friend."

Sirius beamed and then waved his hands. "We should create a _grimoire_!"

Three pairs of eyebrows shot straight up. "_What_?"

"Are you _serious_?"

"This will be awesome!"

"A _grimoire_, of course I'm Sirius, and I _know_!"

Remus gave him a sour look and then pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sirius, do you have the slightest idea of what goes into creating a grimoire? We can't just slap a list of spells down on a piece of paper – this requires magic. Binding, ritualized magic that may include _blood_!"

James rubbed his hands together, hazel eyes sparkling. "You realize what this means? That even Flich manages to get his hands on the map, not even Dumbledore will be able to crack our spells without the key in the grimoire!"

Sirius eyes lit up. "I hadn't even though of that! James! You're _brilliant_!"

Peter looked thoughtful. "Can we do it? I mean, we'd have to find the rituals… I don't think we'll be sneaking any books from the Black library this summer… and do we have any idea what werewolf blood would do to that kind of spell?"

James and Sirius blinked at each other before shrugging in unison. "We'll figure that out when we get to that bridge, won't we. But the important thing is we'll be protecting what we've done over the last seven years."

Remus frowned. Then he considered. He knew that his friends downplayed their accomplishments. Their map was a brilliant. They were working on way to imbed a better security code into the actual makeup of the map – what had been an amusing past time when they were younger had the potential to be a weapon if it fell into the wrong hands. Then there was the work they had put into becoming Animagus. One of the reasons it was a requirements to earning a master in Transfiguration was because of the complex, difficult process.

James, Sirius and Peter had done what was nearly impossible before their fifth year.

"If we do this," Remus said slowly, his fingers tapping against his knee. "We should look into finding a way to tie the protection spells into our Marauders Oath."

James smile slowly. "That would solve the problem of finding a way of better locking the Map. If Flich still has his copy of it, then it's possible that Dumbledore has seen it."

"Good thing we keyed the spells on a different parchment," Peter muttered. They all wished Dumbledore luck finding that particular spell parchment in the Potter Library. Only James knew its exact location and he just smiled when asked.

Sirius clapped his hands together loudly. "So it's decided then. We'll spend this summer working on our grimoire. Keep those greedy bastards from stealing our genius."

"Keep Dumbledore from using it like bait on a string," James corrected with a grimace. "If he ever found out about our abbreviated way of becoming an Animagus…"

Peter flopped back and stared upwards. "Whatever we do, we're going to have to make sure we can bring other people into it later. Can't imagine Evans being excited at not being able to see something. Bad way to start off a marriage, Prongs."

James smiled slowly, eyes glittering brightly behind his glasses. "And that's why you're my favorite Pete."

Sirius sat up straight, eyes wide and affronted. "Hey!"

* * *

><p><strong><em>Please Comment<em>**

So clearly, I tweaked some cannon bits and pieces. That is going to continue to happen. Some of you might not like how suspicious the boys are when it comes to Dumbledore, but hopefully later chapters will address this (both why they have reason and why they don't). I'm not out to bash people in this story, everyone will have developed reasons for what they do... but it is my belief that Dumbledore can be read as a really awesome Headmaster, OR someone who set Harry up his whole life to die. It goes either way, and its that possible duplicity that the boys are reading into now.


	4. Train Ride

This chapter took longer than I thought it would, mostly because the next chapter is being such a pain. But I thought I'd go ahead and post it since I haven't put anything up in ages and the next chapter is 3/4th finished!

Things I completely played with: The Fidelius charm, the Patronus charm, the Headship positions and how Lily's family would have reacted to Snape's betrayal and what they perceived as Lily's. It's important to me to explain the family dynamics that in Canon led to Harry being so emotionally/physically abused by his Aunt and Uncle. It wasn't just a fear/hate of magic, but a complete apathy for Harry as a human. That sort of blind racial hatred that the Dursley's have for the Wizarding world is there, but I always thought that J.K could have given us a little more than she did. We have very little understanding of the relationship of the sisters other than what happened in the later books and the hints that are dropped. We don't know much about Petunia as a person from Lily's perspective. (In a lot of ways, Sirius/Regulus are a foil relationship and this will play a part later, I think.)

I also wanted to find a way to bridge the relationship between the Marauders and Lily. There are a lot of words and a lot of anger between them – and the worst kind of anger, one friend's for the treatment of another. That sort of gulf doesn't go away over night. Friendships that are old and solid can be damaged by relationships, especially if they are perceived as not being good enough or causing the other friend hurt that they just take. I've seen it, and if Lily really did have such a friendship with Snape and such a dislike for James, those types of situations would have played a part. Trust is no easy thing, but I wanted to show the start of those changes. (And please remember, this is a Lily who has been betrayed in the worst possible way by her very dearest and best friend. That will also leave its marks.)

Have I mentioned how glad I am that people like my Peter?

Ravyn

* * *

><p>Potter: If I hypothetically needed a way to communicate with someone besides owl post and besides this… box, what would the best way to do it? Assuming, of course that a random trip to Diagon Alley it out… – Lily<p>

X~X

Evans: Can't believe we missed you at the apparition test, but how was a bloke supposed to guess you'd be up so bloody early? Not in good form, Evans. I might be hurt, but it was pointed out to me that you were probably hoping to avoid a certain Bat. (Peter is insisting that I tell you that we didn't seem him either. Not that we particular care; we suppose he'll show up at some point and if we're really lucky, he'll splinch something _important_.)

I'll answer your question with a question: if, say, you had a fully corporal patronus, how do you suppose one would go about… tweaking the spell so that the patronus would carry the message for you? (How is that for full proof messaging?) –J

X~X

Potter: What on earth are you thinking? I suppose that's what I get for expecting a practical, useable answer. A patronus is the embodiment of a positive force, usually triggered by strong emotions. How is something like that going to carry a message? What even makes you think such a thing is possible? – Lily

X~X

L: A furry friend told me. – J

X~X

Potter: Are you sure your furry friend wasn't mistaken? Do I need to break this down for you? Problem # 1: Actually managing a corporal patronus. (Flitwick won't teach it in his regular classes for a reason.) Problem # 2: Managingthe patronus long enough to experiment on it to carry the message; much less keeping it corporal long enough to reach whom the message is intended to go to.

Are you sure this is even possible? – Lily

X~X

Evans: Sorry we haven't responded in a while. Things have been really busy here. James asked me to let you know that we're checking 'the box' every couple of hours in case you needed us but… who knew there was so much stuff to be done in the summer. I'm taking etiquette classes and they're worse than Binns in History. But Mrs. Potter is scary and not even Sirius is acting up. (I think she's trying to keep us from any er, extra, projects by keeping us tired and rotting our brains.)

Any luck on your projects? We've gone over every book in the library but we're having an unexpected challenge with the Patronus. (Doesn't help that the only person who can cast one is Prongs, and he's being a right git about it! I bet Remus gets it soon though.) To answer your earlier question: we're pretty sure Dumbledore uses his patronus for message carrying. (Do you think he uses his phoenix for such things, like message delivering? Or just the really important ones where he wants to look impressive?)

Any suggestions? On the Patronus problem. – Peter

X~X

Peter: I've copied all my notes from Charms regarding what is necessary to create a charm that can carry information: voices, images, etc. I'm not sure I really want to know how you know that Dumbledore is using his Patronus for this type of communication… but since Remus usually has more sense the rest of you… I suppose you might have something.

Please keep in mind, this is extremely advanced magic. That means that self confidence is going to play a part (although I'm not sure why I bother warning you about self-confidence). I'm also not sure that whatever niche in the spell allows it to carry messages is going to be varying between corporeal and non- corporeal forms of the spell. It's a matter of getting the spell to go to where you want it in the non-corporeal form; that might be easier with a corporeal version. If you have a patronus to practice on, I think it might have something to do with the intent. Remember, you have to maintain a particular state of mind when using the Patronus charm, that's what makes it so tricky to use when you actually need it, much less learning how to caste it.

It also occurs to me that a fully Corporeal Patronus is sometimes referred to as a Spirit Guardian in most of the older texts. Usually a Patronus acts merely as a shield, but if there is a particular state that this… Sprit Guardian form can manifest, it would be interesting to see if it moved solely where you direct it or if it seems to move with some of its own intent. If this is the case (moving with its own intent), it may merely be a matter of reaching this level and finding a way to communicate beyond the apparent need for protection…

… Etiquette classes?

Projects are slow going. Do you have any books available on the Fidelius charm or charms related too? - Lily

X~X

Lily sat in her compartment and watched the countryside roll past. She'd deliberately arrived early and locked herself in as soon as she dared. It might have been the chicken's way out, but she needed some space to collect herself. The last week had been a big, knotted mess and she was exhausted. Her nerves were strung just as tightly as they had been at the end of last term. But in her pocket was a note from Professor Flitwick asking her to join him in his office after the sorting feast. She didn't dare pull it out and look at it now, not when she'd worn the edges by reading it so many times. Gripping it between her fingers was proof that this was almost over. Those weeks of work were going to have concrete, solid results in a manner of hours.

It had been a short fifteen minutes since the train had left the 9 ¾ platform and she had another fifteen before she had to go and track down the wayward Head Boy. She wished Professor McGonagall had sent word on who that was exactly. She didn't think Dumbledore would have put her in a position where she was matched with someone from Slytherin but she wasn't certain. Lily sighed and rolled her wand between her fingers. It would have been a lot less nerve wracking to figure the odds if being a Prefect was a requirement for Head Boy. But the Headmaster was just batty enough to pick someone outside of the Prefects to shake things up. He hadn't done it in the last few years, and she figured they were due some insanity.

Just one more thing to add to her list of things she had no control over.

Reaching up, she rubbed the muscles at the base of her neck and took a long, slow breath. She'd confessed a month ago to her parents about Snape and they'd been horrified and angry with her for keeping that to herself. It didn't matter that she'd been terrified that one wrong move would set Snape off or that she had an escape plan in place. At least after the initial argument they were making an effort to understand her reasoning but they were still hurt and angry. That she was considered an adult by the Wizarding world didn't faze them at all – she was only a seventeen-year-old who was still in school in _their_ world. That she had kept something from them, when Snape was dangerous to _all of them_ was the crux of their problem – not that she was testing what they thought of as her future independence.

She didn't particularly blame them. There was just so much of her life in the Wizarding world she didn't know how to share. Explaining Voldemort and his Death Eaters and why they terrified her so badly… well, she'd known when she chose to figure out a solution before mentioning the problem that she was risking a relationship that had already started to become a little tense at the edges. She'd tried casually easing magic into their lives, wearing her wand around openly throughout the summer – charms were her favorite and there was so many she'd always wanted to show them. But that had back fired too. _Petunia_ had been… Lily set her wand down and rubbed her hands over her face.

She had tried to understand. Tried to explain to Petunia her reasoning, but everything she said just made the anger and the fights worse. Then, once she had finally admitted the truth about Snape… that fight had been the worst. She wasn't sure she was ready to examine – _understand_ – why Petunia had reacted the way she had, much less forgive. (Of course, _they_ didn't understand magic, but that didn't give her the right to have secrets, regardless that Petunia had kept many, many things from her. They had let _Severus _– that nasty boy who Petunia _knew_ was always going to be trouble – into the house and he'd sat there and talked to their parents! Had the audacity to apologetic about the way he had disappeared and his promise that he was trying to fix their friendship. They could have been _killed_ because Lily had made decisions for them! How selfish and stupid could she be? How stupid did she think they were that they couldn't understand _her_ magic?)

She expected _something_ from Snape but to actually _hear_ it… how easy it would have been for him to just end it, take away the things that were more precious to her than magic… Petunia words had hurt. They hadn't been unexpected – no matter how much Lily missed her sister, Petunia had never forgiven her for being different. For being magical without her and now there were words between them that Lily wasn't certain either of them could ever take back.

Leaning her head back against the seat, she took several deep, calming breaths. She was on the train and so were Snape and all his _friends_. In the end, it didn't matter how much her family hated her, hated her magic – in roughly nine hours, everything would be finished and her family would be _safe, _as safe as she could make them without getting them out of London. And she'd never been more thankful for magic than when she was shrinking boxes and furniture and loading the miniaturized version of their things into their car. Thankfully her parents had agreed with her that they couldn't stay where they were – even if Lily managed the traditional Fidelius charm, the earliest she could hope to use it would've been over Christmas Holiday. She didn't dare cast such a complex spell based solely on books; she needed to speak to Flitwick first. So staying at her childhood home was out. But finding a house in the short amount of time before she left school was impossible. Moving in with her mother's brother until they could secure a new place was the best option for the time being. Better yet, they were waiting another week after Lily was back in school before putting their old house on the market. Lessening the chances that Snape would realize that his hold over her was gone. She _needed_ the time to finish putting them under the necessary protections. She had finally decided on a plan to hide her parents behind the Fidelius, just not in the way Snape would expect.

Everything magical, every small memento she'd ever brought home and kept in her rooms over the years was packed away in her school trunk, shrunk down and stored – she'd stayed up late the night before expanding the charms on the truck so that everything would fit. Somewhere in her trunk was the Portkey Potter had made for her – she hadn't dared leave it behind with her family after Petunia had screamed such hateful things at her. As if Lily wanted her family to be in this danger, as if she was somehow personally responsible for the path that Snape had chosen. Pressing her heel of her palms into her eyes she fought down the tide of emotions that had been sitting like a knot in her chest for months now. She'd lost _Sev_. Her family was furious with her and Petunia had made it clear that she didn't want anything to do with her.

But she hadn't been willing to get rid of any of her magical mementos and that included her message box and Portkey... and the photo albums from her younger years. She'd sat on the empty floor of her bedroom four nights ago just holding the weight of her gobstone Portkey, slowly going through those old photos, trying to understand _why_. It had become a habit, holding the gobstone, rolling it from palm to palm after a long day. She didn't know if it was because it represented escape – more than one kind – or if it was a symbol of an offer a friendship she found herself lonely for… but whatever it was, simply holding it had left her… not content, but less alone.

And she _was_ lonely. She had friends – she could probably even find their compartments if she just stood up and walked into the hall. But none of them were what Snape had once been – a _best_ friend. She'd already resolved to put more effort into getting to know the other girls her age (_regardless_ of house) but right now, she was just _tired_. And _angry_. Angry at her family for being so mad at her when she was only trying to protect them, frustrated with Dumbledore for not being someone she could have asked for help with this. At _herself_, for being unable to do this in a way that kept her from antagonizing everyone around her. For letting this summer dredge up old feelings she sworn she'd bury, when she'd promised herself she wouldn't let _him_ hurt her like this. But the boy she had once thought could never betray her was dangling her family's lives in front of her like bait on a hook.

A sudden loud rapping noise had her head snapping around and her heart residing in her mouth.

"James Potter is one _extremely_ _sexy_ man."

And her pulse picked up for an entirely different reason than fear. Shoving her braid over her shoulder she lurched to her feet and then hesitated. She'd spent the summer buried in books and struggling through complicated rune patterns, working to develop a defense system that she couldn't even put into place until her parents had a new house. And somewhere in the crazy that was her head space, she'd found herself keeping an eye on her little message box.

Because those notes… sometimes they were a week apart, but they grounded her. There had been the occasional temptation to use her Portkey so she could render Sirius Black bald and scaly, but Peter's quick diatribes over events made her smile and Remus was a solid presence to bounce schemes across. But Potter… _James_ was something else. Those fast, almost casual notes in-between schemes and theories always managed to somehow come across as if he _cared_. (She'd finally realized he _liked_ her but this was… more. Something else. _Better_.) For more than their projects… an offhand remark or question that brought her up short for reason she couldn't explain away rationally. He wanted more than her opinion on the Patronus charm (they hadn't cracked the Communicative Patronus as of a week ago when she'd told them she'd be too busy to write) he'd wanted to know how she was doing. How her family was doing. Things about _her_.

She hadn't quite managed to decide how she felt about _him_.

"Come on Evans, I know you're in there. I can stay out here and make a scene all day!" His voice lowered. "I said the password!"

She blinked at the door and curled her fingers around her wand. The password. That ridiculous password that he had used last end of term… to let her know it was just him and the boys. Cancelling her locking charm, she jerked open the door and glanced around the hallway. It was still empty, students not quite up and about looking for friends who weren't in their compartments yet. Finally she glanced at Potter, who was grinning at her.

"Hello, Evans. You're one tricky bird to track down when you want to be."

And the warm fluttering in her stomach had nothing to do with the smile on his face. Narrowing her eyes, she made a show at glancing at the floor. "I don't see Pete, so I suppose you got lucky, then."

His eyes laughed at her but then the smile faded as his too serious hazel gaze carefully trailed over her face. "You look exhausted."

Lily crossed her arms and frowned at him. "I've had a busy week."

Instead of answering, he just continued to watch her. Feeling a little uneasy, she shifted her weight and sighed at him. "I've got to be at the Prefect meeting in… seven minutes."

Suddenly he was the one shifting his weight, hand going to back of his head for a moment before he tried to smile. "Yeah… about that."

Lily arched both brows and wondered if the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach meant what she thought it did. "Yes?"

The hand that wasn't in his hair went to the pocket of the robes he wore and he pulled out a shiny, shiny badge that took several seconds for her to process. Instead of shock, there was a _relief_ – which surprised her. Potter – _James_ – was Head Boy. Somehow, the one person she hadn't really considered to be in the running was… and the jumbled up mess that was her emotions had another layer she'd have to dig through, later. Like what it meant that he'd seemed to just _know_ that she was Head Girl. But a sudden thought had her frowning.

"Why would Dumbledore give both Head positions to Gryffindor?"

When she glanced back up, James was watching her with those dark eyes. "Not disappointed?"

Uncertain where this conversation was going, she slowly shook her head. "Should I be?"

Shoving both hands into his pockets he looked away from her, a frown on his face. "I don't know what I was expecting… _hell_, Evans."

And it was that sudden awkwardness in his voice and stance that had her lips twitching. It was nice to know she wasn't the only one trying to wrap her brain around the well, _friendship_ that had somehow sprung between them through letters. Now that they were here in person, they were clearly both off their games. Five years of hostilities didn't disappear overnight, but somehow they had bridged the worst of it. Taking a deep breath, she shifted her weight from foot to foot.

"James… look, this… hell with it, if this is this bad with you how am I supposed to deal with _Sirius_?"

James blinked and the unease melted from him. His smile was slow in coming, but it made her stomach jump. "On first name basis now, are we, _Lily_?"

Leaning back against the doorjamb she shrugged, hiding her sudden nerves. "I figured it was best to accept that your insanity had caught sometime during the summer."

"Insanity?"

Lily leveled him with a flat stare. "I didn't realize that a plan that has less than forty possible problems would be _acceptable_."

James grinned. "Thirty-five, Lils. Think of it this way: there are four marauders. On any given issue, each one of us can probably handle maybe ten major problems. So we give ourselves a five problem cushion. That way we come out on top!"

"A five problem cushion…" Lily said slowly, not certain she had heard that correctly.

"See?"

"Not at all," Lily muttered. She didn't even want to think about it too hard. If she admitted that sort of… _thinking_ made sense, she'd be doomed. It was already headache inducing to realize she could follow those crazy patterns enough to know where he was coming from if she thought about it; she didn't want to start _agreeing_ with it. She was saved from the wicked gleam behind James' eyes when her wand buzzed.

"Oh bollocks… we're going to be late."

James shook his head. "Rule Number One: We're never late unless we _say_ we're late."

Lily stopped from where she was turning to shut her compartment door. Before she could even start broaching that particular idea, James leaned into the compartment, wand extended and proceeded to shrink and pocket her trunk. It was done with a startling amount of ease and surely she'd imagined that the summoning spell had been done non-verbally? Shaking out of her shock, she casually twirled her wand between her fingers and stared at James.

"So _is_ there a good reason why I shouldn't give you feathers before our meeting with the prefects beyond rule breaking or are you going to give me back my trunk?"

"I'm thinking Rule Number Two should be something like 'Do Not Hex the Head Boy when He's Only Being Helpful!'" James muttered.

"Is that _so_?"

"Course. Makes no sense to come back here to get your trunk when we could just bring it with us," James tried.

She glared at him. "And _why_ would we take it with us? I had planned to return to this compartment when the meeting was over!"

Looping his arm through hers, he started riffling through his pocket as he pulled her down the aisle. "Well, I rather figured you'd be sitting with us – Remus will probably implode if he doesn't get to natter at someone who isn't us about the final variations of our new communication venture. We think we've gotten the last of it of nailed down, after all. Then there is the fact that I can't imagine leaving your trunk lying about is a good idea if a certain greasy bat goes a-wandering. And finally, I brought a bribe."

The skips in his reasoning shouldn't have been logical. She should have been offended at the suggestion that she couldn't lock and ward her trunk good enough to keep Snape out. And she certainly shouldn't be fighting to return that that coaxing smile. Instead she poked him in the ribs with her wand. "A bribe."

"I'd have brought chocolate, but Remus has this uncanny ability to sniff it out and 'save it' if he thinks it's going to leave the compartment." James made a noise of triumph and pulled out a small vial. "Peter snitched it."

Lily blinked at it. "Pete snitched what?"

He shook the little vile and his grin was encouraging her to join in the insanity. "Pepper Up. Since you didn't find it necessary to give us details on what exactly your plans were this week – just that you were busy – we took precautions. Good thing too."

Lily's fingers closed around the vile when he pushed it into her hands. "This is a cold cure, Potter."

He waved his hand. "You've been wearing yourself down to the bone. And it's not just a cure for a cold, _Lily_. I'll have you know, that there is a black market _trade_ for this potion among our fellow seventh years. It'll start up sometime right before Christmas and carry on strong until we graduate. We're going to have to hand off our potion supplies to some enterprising sixth year – only way we'll survive. Better take it now so that most of the steam is gone by the time we get to our meeting."

Grimacing a little at _knowing_ that she'd have an evening of steam bursts to look forward to, she glanced over at James and was startled at the serious way he was watching her. Suddenly realizing exactly what he was trying to do – they? Peter? – she took a deep breath and downed the potion. Squeezing her eyes shut, she felt the potion hit her system and the usual odd sensation of steam pouring out of her ears. But that was alright, it was a good cover for the way her heart was pounding.

They were trying to take care of her. _Why_?

"If you've poisoned me, I'll do something drastic."

"And get saddled with all the work this year by myself? Or worse, risk your replacement to be a _snake_? I'd never hex myself like that!" Shaking his head like she had said something quite silly, he looped his arm through hers and pulled her down the hall. "Rule Number Three: Never leave your partner behind!"

Lily frowned at him. "How does that relate to poisoning me?"

James just grinned and opened the door to the compartment where the prefects were waiting. "Ladies first."

X

"I'm bored. How long can these meetings possibly take?" Sirius groused.

Peter looked up from his stack of chocolate frog cards that Remus had given him and shrugged. "You're just whining because James isn't here to keep you entertained."

Sirius sulked. "Remus is gone too."

Peter heaved a sigh and started gathering his piles. He'd started his collection his first year and Remus was an excellent source. He'd eaten more chocolate frogs in six years than most people ate in their lifetimes. But when Sirius was this bored, it didn't hurt to be cautious. He'd consider setting them on fire if he thought he could get away with it. "Yes. I've got an exploding snap deck in my trunk."

Sirius waved his hand. "Nah, not much fun if there is just two of us."

Satisfied that his collection wouldn't be used as entertainment fodder, Peter leaned back studied his friend. Sirius was prone to bursts of drama – or _manly_ displays of emotion, as Sirius called them. Peter called it _unnecessary_ drama, Remus called it angst and James just hexed him until he shifted into anger, which was more manageable. Since he had spent most of the summer with this brooding friend, Peter was pretty sure he had a handle on what was bothering him. Or at least, options.

"Evans isn't going to change things so much that we lose him, Paddy."

Sirius eyed him for a long time, as if debating his willingness to talk about this. Peter just waited. Sirius had been grumpy and prone to moments of sulking all summer – usually timed with the arrival of a new note. Regardless of whom it was addressed to. (Peter still had his; they were tucked at the bottom of his trunk and under protection spells that rivaled the Map.) While Peter understood his frustration at the blind devotion from James to Evans when she hadn't ever done more hand out scathing words in the past, he still remembered her face in the compartment last year. And the way she'd held Remus' secret like it was her own – that fierceness when she threatened to take him to the ministry and that streak of mischief he'd only caught a glimpse of when she'd told him about the Misuse of Magic warning. She was smart. And Peter thought that underneath all those crazy girl layers, she'd be good for James.

Besides, it wasn't like James would leave any of them behind. They'd sworn. And all those old rituals and blood workings they'd studied over the summer to figure out the best way to protect each other proved it (even if the grimoire was still a work in progress).So whatever it was that was bothering Sirius was bordering on stupid as far as Peter was concerned, but he knew better than to say that out loud. He didn't want itching powder in his boxers again.

"I'm not worried about Evans, Wormtail."

Peter leaned back and lifted both brows. Something about the expression finally made a smile crack the stone of Sirius' face. "You definitely spent too much time around Mum P if you're giving me that look, Pete. Fine. And I'm not worried about Evans – she's a bird, therefore crazy, but she had the balls for a Misuse of Magic warning. And flaunted it."

Peter dug through his pockets and found the two peppermint humbugs he'd swiped from his mum's stash on the way out the door. Tossing on to Sirius, he popped the other one inside his mouth. Sirius mimicked his motion and it was silent for several minutes.

"This about Regulus then?" Peter finally asked, careful to keep his words neutral. When Sirius didn't immediately deny it, he nodded. "First real summer away from him, even if he was a pillock and didn't go with you."

Sirius finally blew out a breath and dropped down so he was laying flat against the seat cushion, staring up at the ceiling. His voice was tight with anger when he spoke. "I'm not worried about _him_."

Peter rolled his eyes. Like any of them believed that. Sirius was arrogant and proud enough to spite himself, but he made up for it with his unbreakable loyalty. That he expected any of them to believe that he could cut his _brother_ completely from that loyalty was stupid. Unfortunately, pushing Sirius would just end up with curses being thrown. "If it's Regulus and you want to talk about it…"

"I'm not some bird, Pete, who needs to discuss their every _feeling_."

Peter crunched down on what was left of his candy. "Why does everyone assume that a problem involves _feelings_? Evans is a totally separate matter than anything else, honestly. It's not like a certain furry problem involved feelings – well, it involved Remus' feelings, but the problem wasn't really feelings _based_. But magic based. And we fixed it. Like always. So I got to say, Sirius, this reluctance of yours is mostly dumb."

Sirius cracked one eye open and looked amused. "Done?"

Peter grinned. "Yes."

Sirius grunted and shut his eyes. Peter shrugged and went back to his chocolate frog cards. Wrinkling his nose at yet another Dumbledore, it took a minute for him to realize that Sirius wasn't asleep, but studying him through one cracked eyelid.

"Everything went alright at home, Pete?"

Blinking, he put the card in his hand down. "Mum was her usual self if that's what you're asking. It was short I guess."

"You're still down with the plan once we graduate, right?"

Peter nodded. "Yup."

The door slid open and Sirius sat up, fingers curled around his wand. Remus arched a brow. "Yes, I'm an evil Slytherin ambush. Consider yourselves hexed."

Sirius huffed as Remus sat next to Peter. "One day, my superior dueling reflexes will save your life. Then we'll see who is all sarcastic."

Peter grinned at Remus. "He's sulking again."

"I thought I sensed some excess angst wafting down the hall."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "How would you like to be a couple of different colors?"

"I'm partial to purple myself," Remus offered as he pulled out a book. "Pete?"

"Yellow is good."

James stuck his head inside. His eyes were bright behind his glasses and there was a shit-eating grin firmly planted on his face which told Peter that his meeting had gone well (both of them. Evans and the Prefects). "I like red. That cart is just down the hall – I want some pumpkin pasties. Anyone else?"

"Chocolate frogs," Remus said at the same time Peter did. Grinning at each other, they high-fived. Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.

"I suppose I'll take some Berties."

Lily shifted around James, making her presence known. She looked tired and Peter felt himself grinning like an idiot when a waft of steam blew out of her ears. His grin turned into a laugh when she grimaced at Sirius. "Those things are disgusting."

James shrugged. "I'll get you some pasties then, Lils. Okay then, the usual for the rest of us. I'll be back!"

Lily opened her mouth to argue and then shut it. Sighing, she squished in next to Remus, leaving James to sit next to Sirius. Peter scooted over to give them a bit more room. "How did the meeting go?"

She shrugged and pushed her braid over her shoulder. "As good as could have been expected – some grumblings about both of us being from Gryffindor, of course."

Remus hummed his agreement. "I think we caught them off guard with James."

Sirius gave a long suffering sigh and sat up; throwing his legs back to the floor so there was room for James when he returned. He frowned at Lily for a moment before shoving his bangs out of his eyes. "Evans."

She arched a brow. "Sirius."

He leaned back, bracing his elbow on his forearm so he could plant his chin on his knuckles. Gray eyes narrowed as he studied her, lips pursing as he clearly thought something through. Recognizing the look for what it was, Peter rolled his eyes and glanced at Remus. Remus looked torn between laughter and kicking him.

"So, Evans, what is this I hear about you receiving a Misuse of Magic warning?"

Lily blinked at him. "That depends, what have you heard?"

"That you had one."

She shrugged. "Okay."

Remus glanced at her. "Okay?"

"Sirius is apparently just confirming the events mentioned during a conversation I had with a particular twosome, previously. I can hardly make myself a liar, can I?" Her lips curved at the edges. "However, I can't confirm or deny more than that."

Sirius placed a hand over his heart. "Are you denying us details?"

Lily mimicked one of Sirius' favorite motions, flicking her hand in his direction. "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Azkaban and I wouldn't get along."

He snorted, gray eyes suddenly surprisingly serious. "Azkaban doesn't get along with anyone."

James slid precariously into the compartment. Peter lurched to his feet at the same time as the others. Remus reached for the wiggling packages of frogs, Peter balanced the pastries and Sirius slid the compartment door shut, locking it. And Lily… Lily was already casting the charm she'd used last year, the one they'd never heard before – he missed the incantation, but he thought Remus might have caught it that time.

James stared at her for a moment, hair going in all directions. "What was that?"

Lily arched a brow at him. "What was what?"

Remus nudged her with his shoulder as he dug into the bag at his feet, pulling out several bottles of shrunken pumpkin juice and handing them out. "Muffilito?"

"Close," she conceded. She looked a little hesitant. "But not quite."

Sirius looked interested even as he shredded the packaging on one of James pasties after he opened the box of Berties Beans. "More secrets, Evans? Don't want us digging through your obscure charms books?"

She drummed her fingers on her thigh for a moment. Finally she sighed. "You won't find it in a charms book."

Peter exchanged a glance with Remus. "You made it up?"

"No."

James studied her for a moment and then shrugged, sitting down and sprawling out next to Sirius and snatching the last of the pasties from his grasp. "Those are mine."

Sirius grinned. "Tasty."

Peter swiped several chocolate frogs from Remus who sighed, but allowed it. He offered one to Lily and she smiled her thanks, taking it. "So since the meeting went well, why'd you both come back tense?"

Lily sighed as she deftly caught the frog that was determined to leap away. "Two Gryffindors? I'll have to check the library to be sure, but I don't think that's happened. I'd think something like that is usually frowned upon. And is a pretty big statement to make right now."

Sirius leveled her with a calculating look. "You're not the _first_ Muggleborn Head, but it doesn't happen often. So that's two statements."

Peter chewed on his chocolate thoughtful for a moment. "Especially after this summer."

Lily bit into her frog instead of answering. She'd never taken out a subscription to Daily Prophet, her first few years she hadn't been interested. Too busy learning to care what was going on… and then the attacks had started. Or, she'd noticed them. She still wasn't sure how much of that had been her being too busy or how careful Snape had been to keep that away from her. But by the time she'd have been interested in getting the paper herself, she had decided she didn't want to subscribe and risk the owls being followed. So instead, she borrowed papers after her friends had finished them. So other than what she had found in that one trip she'd risked to Diagon Alley, she didn't really have a lot of information regarding what had happened over the summer.

Remus sighed. "In the world of pureblood politics…"

"It'd be a bribe." Sirius said lazily.

"What?"

James slouched over. "We don't know that."

Sirius rolled his eyes and studied a yellow spotted bean. "Sure we don't."

Lily arched a brow. "Are you going to explain or keep going with the half-conversations? Because if this is another one of those 'things' you don't want to tell me about, then you should probably finish this later."

They looked at each other for a long moment and Peter shrugged. Sirius gave a long suffering sigh and motioned with his hands. James nodded.

Remus considered her for a moment before speaking. "Hypothetically…"

Lily blinked and a small smile tugged at her mouth. "I haven't heard that word in ages…"

Shoulders moving in a shrug, Remus pushed his hand through his hair. "Um, yes… anyway, there is a… very good chance that while the current terror is being enacted, there is a secondary, political movement that is being pushed into place."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Pureblood politics are vicious when we _aren't_ having a sort-of war going on."

Lily frowned at that. She knew there was an entire way of thinking, a way of _being_, that she had very little understanding of. She'd seen it with Snape, saw the way his newer set of friends moved and interacted around each other. That deliberate formalness. She'd seen it occasionally between James and some of the other houses, but Gryffindor was so laid back that most of those customs were rarely on display in the common room.

"So… being appointed as Head Boy…"

James sighed heavily, lacing his fingers together and watching her from under his messy bangs. "Being Head Boy? Not really. I've never wanted it honestly, never considered it. I mean, I know the Quidditch Captains are formally considered in the running, but to actually pick one? Especially one that wasn't a Prefect…" He studied her, the green in his eyes bright. "But being Head Boy with _you_…"

Peter grinned at the way Lily's cheeks went pink. "'Specially since he isn't aware of our back and forth communication this summer."

Lily cleared her throat. "So you think Dumbledore is trying to what? Garner support by… leveraging the Head Boy position? To what purpose? And doesn't that seem to contradict his hands off policy where the Houses and Blood Views are concerned?"

Sirius shrugged, leaning back. "It's a long game our Headmaster is playing."

Would what they were saying have made as much sense as it was if she hadn't just had gone through the past summer? The Headmaster wasn't being deliberately malicious; she'd never gotten that sense from him. But she could see where the big picture might be overwhelming the smaller details… if that was what was happening. She blew out a breath. It could be nothing more than an old man trying to give children a chance to grow up… and not realizing that the other side had no such compunctions.

"I suppose," Lily said slowly. "It would depend entirely on the way that you chose to look at his actions… but what is so important that he needs to garner your support in this way? What you're suggesting is plausible if you look at it in a very specific light. But this is Dumbledore – what reasons do you have to suspect that he would willfully manipulate the situation to his advantage like this? Does he really need to?"

Remus studied her from behind pale eyes. "I don't know, Lily. But don't you think it's irresponsible of us not to consider these things?"

She hesitated. "Maybe… I suppose. But we're only just now seventeen, Remus. There is a lot we don't know, that they won't be willing to tell us. I think it would be irresponsible to put everyone into their boxes when we don't know what all the details are. Can you imagine that Dumbledore _isn't_ doing something about Voldemort?"

Peter opened his mouth but she held up her palm. "I'm not saying that I disagree with you that there might be something else going on or that we shouldn't be cautious. I'm not… there is a lot of activity going on in the halls that I think Dumbledore is turning a blind eye to. But that doesn't mean he is automatically… that he is _deliberately_ setting up students like chess pieces."

Sirius arched a brow at her. "So what, you think that it's okay that this is being ignored? Come on Evans, let's be real here. The biggest advantage to James being Head Boy is _you_ as Head Girl."

Lily took a deep breath. "That's awful assumptive of you, Sirius."

He snorted. Lily refused to look at James. She didn't understand how casually they were throwing this around – like it was the most common knowledge, a fact that had been in front of her face for years. Or that they would assume that the only reason James Potter would be appointed as Head Boy was because Dumbledore was either playing some strange game of debts, or was _matchmaking_.

"First, the attitude of turning a blind eye by Dumbledore has worked _pretty well_ for _you_ for the last six years, Black. I'd say you don't really have a lot of room to complain about it. I also don't think you realize how much of a surprise it _isn't_ that James is Head Boy… the surprise is that both of us are from Gryffindor." She took another deep breath, stubbornly _not_ looking. "Prefect is a leadership position, and while yes, it does acquaint us with the school rules, I'd say you four have managed to find and _break,_ if not every single one of them, then all but the most obscure. Quidditch captaincy offers the same leadership role and in some ways, teaches how to respond to pressure better than being a Prefect. If you sat down and drew parallel lines of the two duties, I think you'd find several startling similarities. That is why it isn't a surprise that a Quidditch Captain would be Head Boy, even if they aren't Prefect. I think you'll find that it has always been one or the other, if not necessarily some mixture of."

Peter blinked at her. "You know a lot about this."

She sighed. "I had a vested interest in figuring out who would be in a position of leadership this year."

Remus wore a slight smile. "Plus there is that poll."

Lily rolled her eyes. "There is that."

"Poll?" James spoke for the first time since the conversation came up and Lily darted a quick glance at him. His face was serious and there was something about the way that he was watching her that turned her butterflies into bats. Swallowing, she looked away, not willing to hold that gaze.

"The usual straw poll at the end of the term last year in our prefect meeting," Remus drawled. "I may have forgotten to mention it, but you came out pretty close to the top. So did Lily."

James threw a bean at Remus, face scrunched up in a false scowl. "Thanks mate."

Remus smiled. "No problem."

Peter reached over and tentatively chose a bean. "So does this mean we've decided that Prongs earned his position as Head Boy? Or are we sticking with the conspiracy theories?"

"Vote?" Remus asked.

"Pass," Sirius said flatly. "I'm not going either way until we get more evidence. I still say there is more to this than we're seeing."

Lily studied him, lips compressed before she nodded. "Pass."

Sirius blinked at her and so did James. "Huh?"

She rolled her eyes. "I think that it is possible that James earned the position, the Head of Houses have to agree after all. But that doesn't mean that Dumbledore didn't have a secondary or third reason for suggesting him. We'll probably never find out why he did what he did, but yeah, this whole both Heads in Gryffindor? It makes me uncomfortable."

Remus and Peter exchanged glances.

"I'll take conspiracy," Peter offered.

"Deal."

Lily frowned at them. "What?"

Peter grinned. "Well, we could go either way, so we're splitting it down the middle. James?"

He leaned back, foot jangling against the floor, eyes planted on Lily. "If I say conspiracy, I'm voting against myself. If I say earned, I'm voting for myself. Pass."

"I suppose that works for now. We'll reconvene at a later date then!" Peter decided. He popped the bean into his mouth and made a face. "Grass. Yuck."

James leaned forward. "Now that we have that out of the way… you going to tell us what you decided to do about your parents, Lils?"

Green eyes narrowed. "Call me Lils again, and regret it."

He held up his hands, but he was grinning. "Alright, Lily."

She would have continued to glare at him if Remus hadn't nudged her. "Lily?"

"Do you mind…" she held up her wand and they all nodded so she layered the protections. Wondering why James Potter was Head Boy was one thing, this was her family. When she was finally satisfied that she was safe as she could make them, she blew out a breath. She'd almost accuse them of letting her in on their theories and conspiracies to get her to talk about her own – that twisty, mind boggling logic – but they already knew pieces of it. And other than the way Sirius was watching her, alert and mildly distrustful, it was like they had just… assimilated her into their world over the course of the summer through several dozen messages.

And even though James Potter made her uncomfortable, and this blatant acknowledgement of his feelings for her (as if everyone _knew_…) was baffling and terrifying, she felt better. Safer. These four were still young, but one day they were going to be formidable – were already dangerous – and for some reason they were including her… and she'd already made the decision to trust them.

"I'm putting them under the Fidelius."

Peter blinked. "But I thought you had to be present for that. How is that going to work?"

Lily shook her head. "No, I mean yes. If I was hiding their location, I would have to be there. But I'm not. At least, not yet."

Remus reached over and tugged on her braid. "Maybe you should start from the beginning."

"The problem I have is that… that Snape knows where I live. That there is the possibility that he would tell his… friends."

James narrowed his eyes. "He threatened you."

She pressed her lips together for a moment before continuing. "Other than Snape, no one knows who my parents _are_. Their names. I'm sure Hogwarts has the records, but by the time those become an issue… well, they won't be an issue. But my point is that my parents are Muggles, which makes them nearly invisible."

"Other than Snape," Peter said.

"Other than Snape," Lily agreed tiredly. "Which is why I'm hiding _who_ they are – their names, _them_ – under Fidelius. I'm ninety percent sure it will work – Snape will still know who they are but he won't be able to tell anyone else."

James' brows were tucked together. "That only works if he doesn't know _where_ they are and hasn't already told someone about them."

Lily nodded. "I moved them out of our house last night, or at least, most of their stuff. They're waiting a week, but they're going to sell the house. They're staying with family right now – Snape doesn't know where that is. Over Christmas I'll look into putting a Fidelius on their new house but… they should be safe. And Snape… he doesn't share."

Sirius studied her. "You've got a secret keeper?"

Lily bit her lip and then let out a long breath. "Hypothetically…." She caught Remus' grin and tugged on the ends of her braid. "I would say I don't understand the Wizarding worlds need to have a secret keeper. I _do_ have one… for this. But all my research… I don't understand why say, a married couple doesn't make their partner the keeper instead of a third party."

Remus seemed to choke on his chocolate, coughing into his hand and Sirius just blinked repeatedly at her. "Huh."

James tilted his head, a smile playing across his lips. "You and your charms…"

Lily would not blush. She would _not_. Instead she picked at her robes and narrowed her eyes. "What does that mean?"

He shrugged. "You were right about the Patronus charm too. It's all about intent."

"You cracked it?" Lily heard the interested in her voice and couldn't help it. Imbedding a secondary charm into a charm whose primary purpose wasn't communicative was _fascinating_. And something she'd have to further look into when she wasn't buried in protective work. And N.E.W.T.s.

Peter nodded. "Four days ago. Not entirely sure Mum P was excited to receive the "we're somewhere in the woods!" message, but live and learn, right?"

"The woods?"

Remus cleared his throat. "It's um… a story."

"That we might be bribed to tell you later," James hastily interrupted. The tips of his ears were a little red and Lily blinked. She hadn't thought it was possible to make James Potter blush. "But the point is, we can show you the charm. _Later_."

Lily shook her head. "That's…"

"Amazing?"

"Wicked?"

"Prodigious?"

"Finished?"

"Ooo, five points for word use, Moony!" James declared.

Lily snorted and glanced at Peter. He grinned sheepishly and shrugged. "What? It's the truth. I'm glad it's over. We had less trouble with um, _other_ projects."

James seemed to consider that before shrugging. "Which shows us just how secure this method is for sending messages, assuming anyone even knows about it, the actual simplicity of the method makes it complicated?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh yes, Prongs, that explains it perfectly."

Peter shook his head. "What he is trying to say, and failing, is that simple is better. I think. He could be trying to say that it's actually a sort of complicated simplicity in that no one knows about it – we _think_ – but that would be confusing. Or I'm confused. Or both."

"Ah," Lily solemnly nodded. "That certainly explains it."

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. "I think we've hit that wall of too much serious conversation. Their brains just start shutting down. It's an epidemic."

"Nice of you to recognize it for once, Moony," Sirius said cheerfully. "Pete has a deck of exploding snap in his trunk."

"We have food," James agreed, pulling out his wand and considering a bean before transfiguring it into a mostly sturdy table. Smiling, he settled it into place while Remus used a sticking charm to make it stay.

"And we have an entire box of Berties beans." Peter added, staring at the brightly colored treats as if they were dangerous. Which they were.

Lily arched an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, but what does any of this have to do with anything?"

Remus smiled at her, shifting so Peter could dig through his trunk. "Tradition."

"Tradition."

"The Marauder Annual Exploding Snap or Death by Bertie Bean Tournament," James proclaimed with a large smile. "It's epic."

"_Epic_." Sirius repeated, finger wagging in her direction. "It's our last year, and this year, I'm winning. You hear that Pete? Your reign of two years running is _over_."

Peter made a noise of triumph and pulled out his deck; rolling his eyes at Sirius, clearly ignoring his bravado. "Winner takes all… that includes the remaining stash of chocolate, whatever snacks Mum P sent along for us and a quarter of what Remus has stashed in his trunk. And one prank veto right."

"Losers risk their taste buds." Remus finished as he worked on applying sticking charms to the jars of pumpkin juice so they wouldn't fall to the floor via the vibrations of the train or future exploding cards. "Or eyebrows, I suppose."

Lily blinked as Peter expertly shuffled the deck before dealing out the starting hand, including her. She took her cards, considering the intent, determined expressions around her. They'd done it again. Pulled her in without asking, without her permission – assumed she was part of their madness. Peter looked up suddenly and grinned at her, an open, inviting invitation that pulled a smile out of her in return.

In a couple of hours, she'd meet with Professor Flitwick, complete one of the most complex charms she'd ever attempted. She'd return fire at Snape and open herself up to a more direct form of attack – one she was confident she could handle. She'd start her responsibilities as Head Girl and start worrying about this… thing between her and James Potter and wonder what it would take to bribe him into doing most of the weekly point calculations if she agreed to manage to patrols. _N.E.W.T.s_. But until the train stopped, she was in a crowded compartment with four brilliant idiots with too much time on their hands and a container of Berties Beans she refused to eat. Idiots who seemed, for reasons that both included and excluded James Potter, to want to be her friend… who were already her friends, even if that friendship was new.

Flipping her first card out, she smiled slowly at Remus. "I like dark chocolate."

Amber tinted eyes narrowed. "Keep your hands out of my chocolate, Evans. You have to win it first."

Sirius swore as a card exploded in his hand and Peter snickered. James was grinning as he leaned away from his smoking friend, hair sticking up in all directions. Next card she wanted to play tucked between her fingers, Lily smirked.

"Oh, I plan on it."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Please Comment!<em>**


	5. Hogwarts: 7th Year

My usual notes are at the end of the chapter.

Ravyn

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><p>Hogwarts after the first snowfall was magical. It meant that Halloween and Christmas were just around the corner, that the school year was moving along at its usual brisk pace and that the grounds were brightly lit from moonrise to moonset. Pumpkins were gathering in corners with wicked or playful faces, the ghosts were seen out and about more often than usual and nights were spent buried in thick cloaks or huddled next to fires as the temperature dropped. Their first Hogsmead weekend had come and gone and everything had finally started to settle.<p>

But it also meant that the school year was _moving along_ at its usual brisk pace – and for Lily, that mean that N.E.W.T.s were just around the corner and it was time to _panic_. Which was why she was sitting on her usual library table, books and folders spread out around her and a headache was starting to pound at her temples. This was a _nightmare_. A bloody, terrifying nightmare that was crawling under her skin and making its home at her temples; even if she just limited herself to starting with her O.W.L. reviews and worked her way up…

"Oh merlin," Lily moaned as she dropped her face onto the table to whimper. "I'm going to _fail_."

_Why_ had she agreed to this Head Girl _nonsense_? How was she going to balance this insanity with her duties? She already had James using his strangely math-inclined brain to total the points each week. Skipping out on patrols and working the scheduling would be completely unfair, but _N.E.W.T.s_! The only subject she was fairly sure she would be fine in was ancient runes, but that was because she spent the _entire summer_ planning and plotting and DADA wasn't even really structured the same was as her extracurricular activities _and…_

"Bloody hells, Evans – these are your History of Magic notes from _first year_?"

Lily slowly lifted her head and found herself staring at a frowning Sirius Black. He was poking at the notes like he fully expected them to just disappear if he handled them wrong, but there was something about his expression that left her a little unsettled.

"Go _away_, Sirius."

"Wouldn't it have just been easier to bribe some firstie into handing over their set if you were that bent on being insane?" His eyes caught hers and underneath the bemusement was something sharper.

"What? No!" She frowned at him, trying to decide _why_ he was there when he was clearly worked up. Sirius didn't come at you from the side; he just showed up and smacked you with the things that were pissing him off. And even after the last few weeks of finding herself being integrated into… well, even after finding herself being _friends_ with James, Remus or Peter, Sirius didn't go out of his way to interact with her. Or play nice. "If I bribed a first year right now, they wouldn't have a complete set of notes. And _what_ are you _doing_?"

Sirius continued to poke the pages, ignoring her question. "I didn't think anyone other than Peter paid attention in that class – that was because we _made_ him. Shit, how do you manage this? You've got this tiny girl writing that you'd need a magnifying spell to read."

Lily balled her fist and told herself that – no matter how good it made her feel – _violence was not the answer_. Carefully, she unclenched her hand and very deliberately did not reach for her wand. Seven years of notes were in front of her and if she lost them she'd end up in Azkaban for murder.

"Sirius, _why_ are you _here_?"

Sirius frowned at her for a moment before he dropped into the closest chair. Then he leaned back until the front legs were no longer on the ground, his face shifting into something nearly well, _serious_. "I heard about your little confrontation with… at the lake."

Lily blinked and then frowned. She tended to have arguments at the lake because that was where everyone managed to be when the weather was decent. Now that there was snow, she'd have to patrol in other areas. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, she sighed. "Sirius, I have no idea what you are talking about."

Jaw twitching, he forcefully looked at everything but her for a long moment. "Regulus."

"Oh, _that_. Yes. We talked." She kept her voice even, but that had been three weeks ago and that last, beautiful afternoon before the weather had turned bitter. If Sirius was going to confront her on her behavior, he would have done it then, much like James had. Not that she regretted her decision, but after listening to her fellow Head complain about it for _days_…

"James told me what you said."

Lily sighed and reached for a book just to give herself something to do. Apparently he _was_ going to confront her about it and she wondered why she hadn't seen it coming. And somehow, she was going to have to keep her temper under wraps. "Which part?"

Sirius scowled at her, leaning so far back; Lily was amazed he was still balanced. "You told him he was a worthless piece of pureblood pomp and that the only reason some muggle-born witch had managed to get a drop on him was because he was too stupid to breathe."

Lily pursed her lips. So James had quoted her word for word then. He must have still been riled that she picked that fight. "I believe the dialogue went something like that, yes."

"_Why_?"

Lily turned the page, not really paying attention to the words and wondered if Sirius was aware that his hands were fisted so tightly that the knuckles were white. "Why did I get the drop on him or why did I insult him?"

Sirius looked frustrated. "Why any of it!"

"I dislike bullies, especially malicious ones. I would've thought you would've at least learned _that_ lesson over the years." Lily said finally, going back to her book. She didn't know why she was uncomfortable, but she was. Discussing this with James had just pissed her off but Sirius…

The chair hit the floor loud enough to clack and she lifted her eyes. Sirius' eyes were nearly silver and he looked… she couldn't put her finger on that expression. "You told my brother he was an idiot and that I was one too, for letting politics and houses get between us. And then having the stupidity to drag the entire house into the matter."

Lily winced. "I didn't bring you into the fight, he did."

"It's _none_ of your _business_."

Lily deliberately turned the page of her book and took a deep breath in an attempt to hold the temper she could feel building in her chest. "As long as I don't have to get between your brother and some first years again and he doesn't flaunt your private little war in front of me, then there shouldn't be a problem. But let me be clear, Sirius, when a Sixth Year student decides to pick on first years in front of me, I am going to be involved. That it was _Regulus_ was just a coincidence this time – that _he_ chose to bring my house and _you_ into the argument was his decision."

"You had no _right_, Evans."

His voice was edged and his face was drawn tightly against his cheekbones. She had no idea if he was referring to degrading his brother publicly or telling what she thought of his relationship of his brother, but she was willing to guess it was the former and not the later. Lily blew out a breath and took a firmer grip on her temper, which was starting to badly fray.

"Oh stuff it, Black. I had _every_ right to defend myself and the first years." Or maybe not such a great hold on her temper after all. "I'm _not_ sorry that I handed Regulus his arse. He deserved it."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Stay away from him, Evans. For your own good. He's _dangerous_. You have no idea what he has grown up with or what he is capable of."

It was Lily's turn to frown at him, because that sounded like… concern. She and Sirius weren't really friends but the open hostility _had_ cooled a little over the last few weeks. She _didn't_ know Regulus well, but she'd seen him around and had listened to Snape talk about him for years. She had a better understanding of what had happened between the brothers than she was comfortable with. "I can't do that, Sirius and you know it."

He snorted. "You _won't_, you mean. You're already a target, _why_ do you insist on making yourself a bigger one?"

Lily shook her head. "Making myself a target has _nothing_ to do with it, no matter what you or James insist! You can't expect me to just watch someone torment a firstie and do nothing about it!"

"Picking fights with baby death eaters isn't the way to go about it either!" Sirius snapped back, leaning forward so he could snarl across the table. Lily curled her fingers around her wand and flicked up a silencing spell.

"Are you _stupid_?" Lily hissed. "Even I know better than to just say that out loud!"

Sirius shrugged, leaning back, that patented arrogance filling his face. "I don't care. But _you_ should, Evans. You're going to end up getting in over your head if you aren't careful and we won't always be there to bail you out."

Lily slapped the table. "I asked for _help_, Black, not for you to _save_ _me_. Stop being a pretentious arse when you're mad at me because I called your brother on his crap publicly. When _you_ _won't_!"

He sat up straight and narrowed his eyes. "You don't want to pick that fight with me, Evans."

She bared her teeth. "Which fight, Black? The part where I call _you_ on _your_ stupidity or where I give you my opinion on not giving your brother a place to run to avoid this mess in the first place?"

Sirius flinched back and she curled her hand into a fist, hiding it beneath the table suddenly mad at herself. She knew that this was a sore subject for him. She understood, Merlin _how_ she understood. This driving self-loathing where your family was concerned, the suffocation at being trapped each summer with someone you loved who absolutely hated you for what you were – the person you had _become_. She forced herself to lower her voice, to speak reasonably.

"You want to know while I keep pushing back, Sirius? Because what other choice do I have? The only examples, the only way of living most witches and wizards understand, is what they've been indoctrinated in their wholes lives and _no one_ is stopping them. Not the ministry, not Dumbledore and not the professors. Well, I won't sit back and just watch."

"Evans…"

Lily shook her head, closing her eyes. Her stomach twisted into knots but this had to be said. Merlin, because this wasn't just Regulus, it was _so many_ of them and they were just left to flounder. Not all of them, some of them _had_ made choices, like Snape, but many were given a path with no way off. She'd seen the occasional flicker of Sirius in Regulus, had seen what made them brothers.

"You had James, you've _always_ had James. Then you had the others and you found a home. And your brother? So what if he didn't have the strength to end up somewhere outside of what the family wanted, he _isn't_ you. You both wrote each other off because of where you placed by a _talking hat_, Sirius. And I think Regulus saw it coming and he left you first. So yeah, I think you're _both_ idiots. And if _either_ of pick on first years again, I'm going to make you both regret it."

And because she understood pride, she dropped her eyes back to her book and gave him what space she could. She fully expected him to stand up and walk away, for her to have lost what little bit of… what might have been a chance for them to be friends. But he stayed still, breathing hard through his nose, so she bit her lip and tried again.

"My sister is getting married over Christmas Hols." Lily said quietly. Under the table, she laced her fingers tightly together. "I'll be staying at Hogwarts, because… because my family doesn't want me there."

Not after this summer. She didn't blame them, not really. The Fidelius had worked, they were settled into their new house and… they wanted her to stay at Hogwarts. Petunia had pushed the wedding up from summer to winter, wanting a new name. Snape knew nothing of Dursley, and Lily had promised to keep it that way. It didn't mean that it didn't claw at her chest and that she hadn't spent nights awake, wondering where everything had gone so wrong.

"Evans…"

She took her own deep breath and let it out slowly, meeting Sirius' gaze, feeling drained. "I didn't tell you that for _pity_. The problems between my sister and me… I just, I understand. It's not the same, but I know what it's like to love and hate someone. Before this summer, I'd have done anything to rebuild our relationship… now I'd do anything to keep her alive. Even if it means she'll hate me for the rest of her life, at least she'll _live_."

Narrowed gray eyes stared at her for a moment before Sirius reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked to be struggling with his temper and that surprised her. Sirius wasn't known for restraint and she figured she'd earned whatever he was going to give her. You didn't stomp on trouble spots without expecting an explosion.

"Remus told me I was selling you short." Sirius said finally, his voice a bit jerky. He lowered his hand and glowered at her. "I don't like it."

Lily blinked at him, not certain where this was going. "Don't like what?"

He flicked his fingers out, encompassing everything and nothing in a single gesture. "It's safer to keep your nose out of my business, Evans."

She set her jaw. "Don't drag me into it."

He snorted but leaned back, grey eyes narrowed. Lily had no idea what was going on behind his eyes. Finally he shrugged and whatever he was feeling disappeared under the familiar mask of arrogance. "Friday, at seven, back table. Don't be late."

Lily blinked at him. "What?"

Sirius stood and shoved his hands into his pockets, smirking. "Our first N.E.W.T.s study session. We'll be dividing who is in charge for the study sessions on what classes. You'll be in charge of Charms, obviously, so be sure to bring your notes so we can make copies."

"Wait, what? What study group… _Sirius_!"

He sighed and looked over his shoulder. "Remus went nearly catatonic on us during O.W.L.s before we gave in and divided the work load. Peter has declared that in order to keep all of us from going rabid, we'd better start earlier this year. Prongs backed him up, so apparently we're studying. Bring your Charm notes."

Lily wasn't entirely certain she hadn't accidentally found herself in an alternate dimension. She didn't know which one was more surprising, that Sirius had declared that the Marauders were starting their studies for N.E.W.T.s early… or that Sirius had invited her to join them. Well, it had been more like an order, but the intent was kind of the same.

Lily pursed her lips and started gathering her notes. The evening could only get worse from here. Better to go and hole-up in her dorm room than risk spontaneous combustion from her brain simply refusing to process anything else. No one had ever proved that was possible anymore in the Wizarding world than the muggle, but if she had to put money down on it, she'd go with the idea that spontaneous combustion was entirely more plausible in a world with magic.

X

"Really? You've taken over the astronomy tower?" Sirius shoved his hands into his pockets and arched one perfect eyebrow is disbelief. "When I suggested using your powers for evil, somehow this wasn't what I imagined."

James looked up from where he was strategically sprawled across a landing in the stairwell, the map spread out across his knees. His heavy cloak was acting as a barrier against the cold stone and his robes were askew. Sirius had no idea how long he'd been there, but it'd clearly been long enough for Peter to get wind of it.

Peter shifted his weight, his expression puzzled as he whispered loudly. "He's just _sitting_ here… no firecrackers, no pranks… I think this is the first sign of the apocalypse."

James offered them a butter beer, eyes rolling behind his glasses. "I've decided that if_ I_ can't use the tower for its intended purpose, no one can. And I have this shiny, shiny badge that makes it _all_ possible."

Which explained the current encampment on the stairs instead of one of the classrooms, Peter thought as he continued to examine the space with a bit of bafflement. There were classrooms below them, but they were risky. Flitch could get a drop easily enough if you were too close to the bottom and the only hiding places were _up_. By blocking the stairs, James was cheerfully denying anyone access to the better hidden corners. Personally, he was all for letting James sulk somewhere that _wasn't_ the dorm. But simply blocking access to the Tower was boring, _really boring_, and in the grand scheme of things if Prongs was so far off his game as to offer himself as a _mere_ physical barrier… well, steps _had_ to be taken.

Sirius snorted and un-shrunk the napkin of treacle tart they'd stopped by the kitchens to nab after Peter had finally found Sirius leaving the library with a puzzled, irritated expression on his face. At the time, he'd been in a hurry to get some help with the very obvious problem, but Pete made a mental note to bring it up later.

"Remus is going to be disappointed." Peter pointed out as he settled himself along the cold stone and pondered how much good a warming charm would do. "I'd have sent him an uh, _message_ explaining the situation, if I'd had the map to see if he was alone. Instead, he'll have to live with me taping a note to his bunk."

"I can already hear Remus' speech." One finger pointing to the ceiling, James narrowed his eyes and tilted his chin down. "You took over the astronomy tower."

Sirius bit into a tart and rolled his eyes. "Hijacked. We _hijacked_ the astronomy tower; because if we're going to do this, we're going to do this _right_."

James waved his hand acknowledging the point before he pressed his lips together and breathed in deeply before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Was there a reason you decided to do this or did you leave me out because you and Sirius had decided to have a romantic getaway… "

Sirius choked on the tart. Peter tapped his chin. "Does that make _me_ the chaperon?"

Swallowing past the crumbs lodged in his throat, Sirius snorted. "That's not Remus' speech. That's _your_ speech, Jamsie. I can't help it if you want me, I'm _hot_, but I like a fuller figure on my partners. And if you wanted a romantic moment, you should have said something instead of letting it drift through the rumor mill."

James shoved his glasses up his nose and paused, cocking his head to the side as if listening. "That noise? It's the sound of my _despair_… and you don't _have_ significant others, Sirius."

"We've already agreed I'm hot. _Why_ would I limit something _this_ amazing to just one woman?" Sirius clucked his tongue. "That'd just be depriving so many, many beautiful woman of such a wonderful thing."

"I'll be sure to put that on your grave, after you die of some painful disease."

Sirius lifted his bottle in silent thanks. It was quiet as they watched the map, snorting as they watched the little dots move about in frantic near-curfew rushes. Peter checked to make sure the Head Girl wasn't one of those, but she appeared to be hunkered down in the dorm… odd. It was still early.

"So are you going to give me the real reason you're up here sulking, or are we going to switch these butterbeers out for the fire whiskey in my other pocket and actually prank the tower?" Peter asked.

"I'm not sulking, I'm brooding."

Peter pointed his bottle at him. "Prongs, you've been encamped here for an hour and haven't hexed, pranked or removed points. How do you think I found out about this? How long do you think it'll be before Lily finds out about this?"

Sirius leaned back. "Forget Evans, what about McGonagall. Can you imagine her expression when she realizes you're up here and not causing trouble? It's _not_ Christmas yet, Jamsie!"

Shrugging, James snitched a tart and took a bite. "My plan, my rules."

"Oh please."

"Like that's ever going to work," Sirius said with an eye roll. "I distinctly remember a similar sentiment leading to months of cleaning cauldrons. And Remus shunning us for a full day because you ruined his chocolate stash. It's why we have that stupid veto right in the card tournaments – which, may I remind you, you let your non-existent girlfriend _win_."

"It was an excellent stash of chocolate, and I don't think anyone thinks that we let Lily win anything, Sirius." Remus' muffled voice drifted up the stairwell. Peter leaned over and waved at the werewolf as he made his way up the stairs. "What exactly are you lunatics…"

Remus paused as he took them in and then crossed his arms. "I'm scrubbing caldrons and you lot are having romantic picnics."

James stuck out his tongue. "I told you."

Sirius ignored him and lounged back against the stairwell. "You might as well join us, Moony."

"Thank you," Remus drawled. "Your enthusiasm is catching."

"He's just jealous because he isn't the center of attention," Peter said cheerfully as he pulled out his wand and cast a silence charm. If they were going to be pranking students making their way to the tower, it was best they didn't get any more of a warning. "Were concerned for James' sanity and Sirius isn't used to sharing that kind of spotlight."

"That is such an unfair accusation," Sirius declared. "We all know my sanity is constantly in flux."

James gave Remus a pitying look. "This is what happens when you teach him big words."

"Like flux?" Remus snorted. "Hardly."

Peter hummed his agreement. "I think he picked that word up by himself, considering its only four letters, and you well know he has an affinity for those."

Sirius made a rude gesture and Peter just grinned. "If you're done mocking my perfect vocabulary, I'd really like to get into some mayhem soon – I've done my good deed for the day."

James blinked at Sirius. "You did a good deed?"

Remus snorted around the mouthful of chocolate he'd pulled from somewhere. "At least, what _he_ considered a good deed – am I going to have to try to find a way to explain to McGonagall why some bird's hair is blue again? She didn't particularly take to the argument that she hadn't much liked her previous color _either_ very well."

"No," Peter said slowly as he tapped his chin, blue eyes narrowing. "I caught Sirius coming out of the library. And he's scared of Madam Pince."

"Oh stop looking surprised," Sirius said firmly. "I go into the library!"

"Only when we make you."

"On pain of death… or itching powder."

"There was that time he made out with that 7th year Ravenclaw in the Restricted Section…"

Sirius considered that. "Oh yeah, she had great… assets. Was a _very_ valuable study partner."

"So what _were_ you doing in the library," James questioned.

"Finalizing our N.E.W.T.s study group," Sirius said casually, "Evans has agreed to bring along her charms notes. Which, if they're anything like her History of Magic notes, it'll be like having a direct line into Flitwicks brain, although we may go blind reading her tiny handwriting."

"You invited Lily to the N.E.W.T.s study group that we had to blackmail _you_ into attending before holiday?" James said slowly, eyes narrowing.

Sirius snorted and met James' gaze with his own. "I still think she's crazy – anyone with half her brains would see the kind of attention she's drawing, but not Evans. I just haven't decided if that makes her stupid or not."

Peter was grinning. "Pads, it's the Gryffindor way! Admit it, you like her."

"No."

"I think you do," Remus said, head nodding in agreement with Peter. "At least, you respect that she isn't backing down. You wouldn't have invited her to the study group otherwise."

Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "Prongs here would've invited her anyway."

James was silent for several moments, eyes still narrowed and considering. "You laid into her about Regs."

Sirius met his gaze. "Yes."

Peter blinked when instead of getting pissed, a lazy smile edged onto James' face. He glanced at Remus, who looked just as surprised. Leaning back, James lazily twirled his wand.

"How'd that go for you?"

Sirius scowled and leaned back against the wall, his posture almost deliberately lazy. "I stand by my earlier assessment."

James laughed and picked the map back up. "Whatever you say, Padfoot, whatever you say."

Deciding they could get the details out of them later, Peter leaned forward, hands rubbing together. "Can we please prank someone _before_ McGonagall comes up and finds us chatting? We'd never get over the shame of being caught doing nothing."

Remus gave Peter a pitying look. "I thought the plan was not to get caught."

"Won't matter if we're just sitting here like ducks," Sirius agreed, sitting up straight. His eyes gleamed. "And we have the whole tower to ourselves, thanks to James moping."

"I am not moping," James said cheerfully. "I'm _strategically planning_… Say, Pete, you still got those fireworks…"

X

Remus wearily took his usual place at the Gryffindor table and slowly set about pilfering his share of breakfast. It was still early enough that most of the other students hadn't filed in yet and he'd left the chaos of the dorm room in the hopes of having a few minutes of semi-quiet before the rush of the day started. The full moon was still over a week away, but his bones ached today.

"Morning Remus."

Blinking, he grinned. "Morning Lily. Up early?"

Lily snorted as she grabbed a piece of bacon and bit in while she contemplated the rest of the dishes. "In a girl's dorm, it's a survival tactic. The hot water may be endless, but the time between breakfast and class is not."

"Sirius primps in front of the mirror so long; James has charmed the mirrors to go blank if he spends more than ten minutes twiddling with his hair." Remus said with a grin as he tried to drown his waffles in syrup.

"That's it?" Lily questioned with a grin. "The mirror just goes blank?"

"Oh, that's the first warning," Remus said with an answering smile. "Sirius used to just cancel the charm that made the mirror go blank – which triggered another charm. After that, things went a bit batty. Sometimes literally. Mostly, Sirius has stopped cancelling the charms and just stomps around in full sulking display, because some mornings were becoming particularly colorful."

Lily pressed her lips together and studied the plate of sausage carefully for several long moments before reaching for a piece of toast. "We used to have a problem with a… let's say an unknown assailant 'borrowing' other girl's bathroom products."

Remus arched brow brows as he swallowed. "Yeah?"

"Someone, and I can't say I know _who_, charmed the sinks and showers to bite."

Remus blinked. "How did they know who to bite?"

Lily cheerfully forked the scrambled eggs onto her toast. "Flitwick told McGonagall that it looked like someone had somehow set up a series of complicated charms that responded to magical signatures thanks to some clever use of runes; he was quiet impressed."

Remus kept his face straight with effort. "McGonagall must have loved that."

Lily hummed in agreement as she chewed. Swallowing, she made a disappointed sigh. "It was a pity that we never could find out who managed it. Professor McGonagall was most disappointed in us."

"McGonagall was disappointed in who?"

"A shower thief," Lily said blithely. "Morning Peter, James."

Peter waved and reached immediately for the rasher of bacon. "Who sneaked off with the pumpkin juice?"

"Couple of third years," Lily said with a shrug. "They were muttering something about some fifth year holding the ketchup hostage. Since we have a double potion after breakfast, I decided to just wait for the house elves to replace it. I need my sanity."

James snorted and then grinned at her. "Wrong breakfast table, Lily."

She shrugged and took another bite of her sandwich. Remus shook his head and glanced at James. "And where is the intrepid Lord Black?"

"Last time I saw him, he was cursing the air blue, a bit literally actually," James batted his lashes. "He was swearing revenge, of course, assuming he knows the culprit; it had nothing whatsoever to do with his accusations that someone was sulking, either."

Peter rolled his eyes. "And I've got a bridge I can sell you."

Lily glanced at the boys and then shook her head. "I don't want to know."

Remus looked mournful. "I've been saying the same thing for years."

"Oh posh," James informed him with an eye roll. "You're the one who dared Peter to put the itching powder in Sirius' shorts first year; so technically, it's your fault he's like this."

Remus pointed a forkful of dripping waffle at James. "I'm hurt. It's almost a physical pain."

Peter rolled his eyes. "Hogsmead this weekend – we have plans? It is the last one before Sirius birthday and you know how he is."

Lily arched an eyebrow. "You mean other than his usual pompous behavior?"

James grinned at her. "Nah, that's just normal levels of Sirius. Birthday Sirius is suffocating, unless you know the best way to handle it – we have steps."

"A guide even," Peter chimes in.

Remus nods solemnly. "It's nearly sacred."

Lily glanced back and forth and blinked. "You're serious."

Three identical smiles, but no one pointed out the obvious pun and she shook her head. "Oh Merlin."

Before she could even start formulating a question to decipher the usual madness, the unmistakable sound of the morning post interrupted her. She scanned the room on habit, looking for any sign of those terrible black letters the ministry sent. She knew Dumbledore had started routing those through his office, discreetly pulling students into his office when it was necessary. Still, those first few times the news had been delivered so callously had left an impression; when she lowered her eyes, she realized she wasn't the only one who had been looking. James caught her gaze; his eyes strangely subdued and wondered how much of the weight he was feeling.

"Right, well, I need to run a few things by Slughorn, so I'll see you lot in class."

James tilted his eyes, the sudden flicker of intensity behind his eyes unnerving her for a moment, but she didn't let it slow her as she swigged down the last of her pumpkin juice and gathered her things. She didn't know why her heart was thumping in her throat, but space would be good. She needed a moment or two to breath past the sudden… she just needed a moment.

"See you in class Lily!" Peter said cheerfully. "Don't make any Hogsmeade plans without us! We'll need a strategy, because the lunatic we sometimes call our friend likes to ruin plans for fun! He'll never suspect you!"

Lily paused and then shook her head, waving.

Peter looked at his watch and snatched up a few strips of bacon and some toast, wrapping it carefully in a napkin. "Alright, I'll go check on Padfoot, since he isn't here yet. You two figure out what's going on with Lily."

"Prongs?" Remus glanced at his friend and blinked when James just leaned forward and took the last of the bacon, grinning. "Do I want to know what is going through your deranged brain?"

Swallowing, James shrugged but didn't stop smiling. "Depends."

"Right." Shaking his head wearily, Remus decided that James could figure it out. He'd keep an eye on the situation, but he wasn't getting involved when James wore that grin. He was fairly certain it was the same smile he'd donned when Sirius had tossed out the harebrained idea to become animagus.

"So Hogsmead?"

X

Lily stood at the top of the moving staircases and took a deep breath. Each year at Hogwarts was different, a near tangible shift as the magical world became a little more familiar, a little more comfortable. She vividly remembered standing in this spot her first year, pushing onto tip-toe to see over the banister and staring wide-eyed at the movement and color beneath her.

Standing there for the first time, she'd gripped the banister tightly and then bolted off to find Sev, so he could see what she'd seen. So she could share the piece of magic she'd found. Her lips curved at the edges, as she remembered the baffled expression on his face as he peered with her at the moving staircases and the all the people moving below them. The way their voices had bounced off the ceiling to make a low hum, how the magic had felt against her skin.

Sev hadn't been impressed.

But somehow each year, she found herself looking down the same stretch of castle, listening to sounds of magic and letting the memory of her first year wash over her. It was never the same day, or even the same month, but somehow her feet found this place and she let the magic and first-year wonder crash over her, reminding her of all her reasons she stayed.

She'd long been able to see over the banister, and this year her fingers were clutched tightly around her Head Girl badge; there was a letter from her mother in her bag explaining that it might be best if she planned on staying at Hogwarts for this year's holidays. She didn't know why she kept it, tucked between the pages of her transfiguration textbook and worn at the edges. She'd been carrying it around for weeks now, but instead of destroying it in half a dozen ways; she let the weight of it settle into her textbooks. She'd finally grown into her own, here in this place of magic and outgrown her other life.

It hurt.

"So, Sirius and I tried to slide down the banisters once." James Potter's voice cut through the agitation of her thoughts and she blinked, turning to look at him. He was slouched against the wall closest to her, shirt halfway un-tucked and his tie as skewed as his glasses. And he was clearly waiting for her to speak.

Clearing her throat, she let her hand wave in the direction of the moving staircase. "The moving one?"

Pushing himself into a more appropriate posture, he strolled towards her, hands in his pockets. "Nah, Remus would have lost his mind. What we wanted to do was start at the top, and then time it so that the moving staircase dropped us off on the next level."

"Merlin," Lily breathed as she studied the trajectory he'd suggested. "Why are you still alive?"

"Professor Flitwick," James said cheerfully. "He happened to look up about the time we went airborne. We did get a rather interesting lecture on cushioning charms, sticking charms, and a firm suggestion that at least one of us take Arithmacy so that if we were that determined to kill ourselves, we could at least go out with an appropriate bang. Then he had us scrubbing bedpans for a few weeks for Madam Pomfrey."

"That was lenient of him." Lily murmured, fingers fiddling with her badge. Titling her head at James, she studied the skewed and rumpled figure he cut and shook her head. Tucking the badge into a pocket, she leaned forward, bracing her arms on the railing. "Wandering the halls?"

"Missed you at dinner."

Lily turned, giving him an amused smile and pushed away from banister. "I was at dinner. And apparently, I have a N.E.W.T.s meeting to attend in… ten minutes."

"Lils."

Pulling a face, she adjusted her bag and frowned at him. "I thought I told you not to call me that."

His smile was slow and it made her stomach jump. "Keeps you from ignoring me."

Rolling her eyes, she motioned at him with her hand. "Well, what is it?"

"Everything all right?" His voice was study in casualness, but the green in the hazel of his eyes was bright. It wasn't uncomfortable being watched with his strange brand of intensity after weeks of being Heads together, but it was a bit unnerving. Not really certain she knew where he was going with this, she shifted her weight.

"About what?"

He held up one finger. "You scrambled out of breakfast this morning like your pants were on fire. No one is that excited to see Slughorn, classes or no. Especially since he's already trying to wiggle people into attending those meetings of his, which, honestly, are horrifying."

Another finger went up. "You weren't at dinner with the rest of us, which, granted, wouldn't be unusual for a Wednesday or Saturday, but you had late classes and then our meeting later – no reason that I know of that you couldn't have eaten dinner with us before our group session."

Lily blinked. "Why do you have my schedule memorized?"

Ignoring her he continued. "And finally, you haven't gotten any mail this year other than the letter a few weeks ago. You've gotten letters from your family once a week like clockwork since First Year. So… everything alright, Lils?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you are _exceedingly_ nosey?" Lily asked in exasperation, trying to cover the way his words had left her feeling off balance. She'd known, _of course _she'd known, the way James Potter could dedicate himself to something (4th and 5th year, anyone?) but this new side of him… she'd thought she'd known what she was getting into when she decided to try to be his friend. Animagus and secrets, a truly terrifying ability to focus, and a bone-deep sense of loyalty were all quantifiable aspects that she never really gave much thought to having focused on _her_.

"McGonagall once expressed her disbelief that any one person could be interested in so many ways of killing himself," James said slowly, considering. "But I don't think it has ever been expressed it in quite those terms."

Rolling her eyes, Lily turned to the direction of the library. "Well, you are."

He stepped up beside her and looked down. "Are you avoiding my questions?"

"I'm giving it some consideration."

"Ah," he nodded and laced his fingers behind his back. "Why?"

"Because I get that option," she said firmly. "Why else?"

"That's just cruel." His voice was light and teasing but when she glanced up, he was watching her. "If not me, then someone, alright Lily?"

She paused outside the doors to the library. For a moment, they were the only two in the hallway, and she gave herself just a moment to let that concern wash over the memories that had been bothering her. She considered being uncomfortable that she was letting James Potter be the one to comfort her with his ridiculousness, but she found herself more relieved. She'd think about that later.

"Now really isn't a good time, James."

"I'll make time."

She blinked. And pursed her lips, considering. And then decided to throw caution to the side, for once. "Alright. I suppose I'll let you buy me a butterbeer tomorrow at Hogsmeade, before we head back tomorrow; you can ask me during the walk back whatever it is that has you so worked up."

And Lily had the satisfaction of seeing James Potter looking flummoxed before she shoved the library doors open and strolled in, looking for the others.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Please Comment<strong>_

_Things I needed to establish in this chapter_:

I've always found the parallels between Lily and Sirius, and the eventual evolutions of their home lives, to be interesting. Both of them started out in families that they should have been accepted into but by their own choices (Lily to pursue magic, Sirius to become Gryffindor) they eventually found themselves as outcasts in some form or another. In fact, a lot of Lily and Sirius' lives were affected very deeply by the choices they made. And later, Harry is subjected to his mother's family and Sirius is subjected to his mother's home. From everything we can see in the actual HP series, the Lily and Sirius eventually become very close, but it's very easy to see why they didn't start that way. But at some point, they had to start connecting – and since both of them are extremely opinionated, they would both have said opinions about each other's lives. I wanted to show that. :)

This chapter took a very long time to write due to the Sirius/Lily scene. I was really unhappy with the dialogue, with their interactions, for some time. Then came the tower scene with the boys. I think its important to continue to show that these are still boys, for all intents and purposes, 18 does not equal an mature, capable adult… especially those who have been as protected as possible in school. They are maturing, they are smart, they are extremely capable, but they are still young adults growing. And then of course, I am attempting to move the Lily/James relationship forward.

Yay for complicated chapters. But I'm finally satisfied, if not thrilled, with how the chapter turned out. So hopefully you liked it too.


	6. Hogwarts: Hogsmeade

My life is full of drama. And I'm planning on moving halfway across the US in the next month or so, so updating is going to be slow.

This chapter would not be completed without Some Scribbles help. Thanks so much!

Ravyn

* * *

><p>James, Peter and Remus didn't just <em>plan<em> when it came to Sirius's birthday… they strategized an all out assault. It was the only explanation for why she and Peter were crouched behind the Shrieking Shack, waiting for the appointed time to make a sprint for the shops with the pre-approved lists. James and Remus were off trying to find ways to distract Sirius from being, as Remus had called him, an unapologetic snoop. She'd been assured that the big presents had been pre-ordered and would arrive by owl flight, but the smaller, more generic presents required skill to acquire without being caught. There was apparently some sort of point system involved in getting as many simple, inexpensive presents as possible without getting caught. And as far as she knew, this was the only birthday in which there was this level of subterfuge. And it probably meant in their special brand of crazy, that everyone had their own personal birthday schedule, tailored to the individual paranoia of each friend.

The fact that they'd be celebrating her birthday this year was both terrifying and exhilarating.

"You know," Peter muttered as he bounced on his heels. "It is simply wicked that this year, you can hide the presents in your room."

Lily glanced over at him and grinned. "James was beside himself with glee this morning. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Sirius would probably figure that part out and try to bribe my roommates."

Peter pursed his lips. "That's true."

"This is why I let a few key roommates in on that part of the plan. I've never seen witches so gleeful at the thought of _bribes_. I'm thankful that I somehow missed the part of Sirius being a man-slut up until this morning. I'm going to have to compensate for this knowledge with chocolate. _Lots_ of chocolate."

Peter blinked at her for a moment, before a slow smile crossed his face. "I forget, sometimes, that you're like that."

Lily arched an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Sneaky." Peter said matter-of-factly. "First you go and get a Misuse of Magic warning, then you're secretive and smart, and now you're preemptively fixing pranks. If you don't want James, I'll marry you."

Lily snorted, even as she felt a flush working across her cheeks. She was starting to think that Remus and Peter was doing it on purpose, casually tossing it out there that James liked her, to see if she'd react. "I wasn't aware that marriageable criteria involved pranking skills."

Peter smiled at her, something knowing behind his eyes. "Then you really haven't been paying attention."

Frowning, Lily tilted her head at him. "People keep saying that to me."

Peter nudged her with his shoulder. "You didn't freak out when I said that Prongs wanted to marry you."

Lily opened her mouth and then shut it, her face flushing again and she waved her hand, trying to distract him from her obviously red face. "Pete!"

He smirked at her, sitting back on his haunches, and looked delighted. "Is that why you've been all… fluster-y lately?"

"That's not a word." Lily pointed out, feeling hot. "And I didn't react because the idea of James wanting to _marry me_ is _ridiculous_!"

"Oh, come on Evans." His eyes danced. "Then why'd you blush!"

Lily blew her bangs out of her eyes and frowned at him. "Not one word Peter."

Looking highly amused, he wiggled his eyebrows. "Oh, come on, Lily. Talk."

"There isn't anything to talk about!" Lily protested.

There wasn't anything... just because she'd recently had the realization that maybe; there was the teeny, tiniest possibility that she well, _liked_ James Potter; that the those spikes of awareness and the way her insides fizzed at the intensity of his expression when he looked at her, had finally gotten through her thick skull was still too new to talk about. Realizing how easily a bloke had crawled beneath her skin – much less James – starting with that horrible train ride last year and just getting worse as the year went on, was frankly terrifying. Part of it, she was willing to admit, was sheer stubbornness – after years of refusing him, now she fancied him and it was embarrassing. But the rest of her didn't really care about that. Those long nights calculating numbers and rearranging schedules and just, spending time with him had started to add up and now her emotions were all over the place.

And she _liked_ James Potter.

"Uh huh," Peter said, sitting back with that bland expression of his that made the back of her neck itch. "So are you really letting James buy you a butterbeer before walking you back to the castle?"

Suspicious, but not certain where he was going, she studied him. "Yes."

"Like, I dunno, a date?"

Eyes narrowing, she fidgeted. "Maybe. Sort of."

Peter nodded sagely. "You like him."

Hoping she wasn't blushing, again, she pointed at him. "Of course I like him, _now_. We're friends!"

"I'm just saying, I think I'd be a far more dashing best man than Sirius. He's speech is going to be dreadful!"

"Peter Pettigrew!"

Laughing, he dodged her half-hearted swipe.

"_Muffliato__._"

Lily spine straightened and the casual grip on her wand went white-knuckled tight. Turning, she set her jaw and stared at Severus. Peter was warmth at her side, and she didn't have to look to know he was gripping his own wand, but out of the corner of her eye she watched him hunch in on himself; the direct conflict of the Peter-she-knew and the Peter-he'd-been startled her out of her instinctive fury.

"Snape."

"Lily."

"_You_ don't get to call me that anymore."

His jaw tightened and the hand not holding his wand curled into a fist. His eyes glanced at Peter and then just as clearly dismissed him as unimportant. "I need to talk to you."

Lily lifted her chin, her temper flushing through her at the dismissal of her friend and his arrogance that she would bother talking to him after what he had done. "I have _nothing_ to say to you."

He shifted his weight, face twisting into a sneer. "So bloody _stubborn_. You have no idea how much attention you are drawing!"

"Oh, you should know!" Lily snapped. "Considering our previous conversation, you've made it _perfectly_ _clear_ the type of attention I'm drawing."

He slashed his hand down, face tight with anger. "You wouldn't listen! You stood on your bloody pedestal of righteous anger and you wouldn't let me _explain_! What else was I supposed to do, to get your attention? To make you understand?"

Lily felt Peter shift at her side as she stepped forward, rage making her ears ring. Breathing in deeply, she dug her nails into her palms. She had no qualm about hexing Snape, was already riffling through the extensive collection she had memorized and perfected, but as soon as she lifted her wand this would become a duel. And it wasn't time for that. But for him to _suggest_….

"You _unbelievable_ bastard," Lily breathed, voice gaining in volume as she moved forward. "You'd blame your decision to… you'd think I'd take responsibility for _that_?"

Snape's face went blank but his eyes snapped. "You're standing in the middle of something you cannot begin to understand."

"Do you know what I understand, Snape?" Lily bared her teeth, magic vibrating with her anger. "I understand that you knew _exactly_ what you were saying when you called me a mudblood. I was your best friend for years, I let you into my _family_ and I stood by you regardless of our houses. _You_ chose to destroy our friendship, you chose to threaten my family and you're choosing now to lay the blame at my feet. I refuse to take responsibility for your actions, Severus Snape, and you are no longer the boy I knew."

His face twisted. "You understand nothing."

"_Stay_ _away_ from _me_."

Severus stepped forward, jaw working hard. "Or what, Lily Evans?"

And everything inside her went cold and hard. Deliberately she lifted her wand, twisting the familiar wood between her fingers. "You're not the only one who learned during those summers, Snape. You come near me or mine again, and you'll regret it."

Cold black eyes studied her expression, and Lily forced herself to stay cold. This wasn't Severus who liked strawberry ice cream, muggle television and bike rides. The boy who'd sat under hot summer skies and shared treasures and secrets, who had spent hours patiently debating spell theory. That boy was gone. And she was left with Snape. A Death Eater.

"This is not over."

Lily lifted her chin. "No. I imagine it's just beginning. But that is the only warning you'll get, Snape."

Turning on his heel, he cancelled the charm and strode away, cloak bellowing behind him. Lily clenched her jaw, fighting a sudden and ridiculous urge to cry. Blinking rapidly, she jumped when Peter touched her arm.

"Lily?"

And for a moment, she'd forgotten she wasn't alone. Swallowing, she glanced over at Peter. The hunched, uneasy Peter was gone and in its place was the one she'd become friends with over the last few months. Shoving her hands through her bangs, she breathed deeply to center herself.

"You do that well."

Peter studied her for several moments, blue eyes grave, before he nodded. "People over look me."

Swallowing again, she nodded. "I know."

He patted her arm. "It's okay. I was easy to over look. Sixth Year, a group of Slytherins spent a considerable amount of energy trying to intimidate me. Its better if they think it worked."

Lily frowned at him. "That's why Snape was willing to discuss that in front of you? He thought you'd keep it to yourself?"

His expression was solemn. "If you want me to."

She blinked down at him, feeling off balance and a little shaky. Peter was offering to keep her secrets. Just as James had. Remus had been keeping some for years. It didn't fill the hole in her chest, but it didn't feel so deep. Blinking back actual tears this time, she shook her head slowly.

"Thank you."

Peter nodded and glanced down at this watch. "We'd better hurry if we're going to get anything from those lists!"

Fortifying herself, she nodded. She'd worry about Snape and all his subtexts later.

X

James stared at Sirius, feeling torn between murder and laughter. Sirius looked defiant, but even he wasn't managing it completely with tufts of leaves clinging to his hair, clothes rumpled and mud stained. Looking over at Remus, the resigned irritation told him that it might be best to put this one under laughter and move on.

"Do I…"

"No." Remus said in that particular flat tone. "But he's promised not to do it again and to behave himself. Or I'm sending the presents back."

Ah. Clearing his throat, he simply offered the warm butterbeer he had been originally intending to drink himself. Remus took it with a grim smile and then pointed Sirius to the momentarily empty booth near the back. Sirius compressed his lips and then marched. James coughed to hide his laughter and glanced back over at Remus. It usually took effort to find Remus's temper, much less stomp all over it, but Sirius usually managed it at least once before his birthday and a handful of times throughout the year.

Granted, Sirius was a right pill before his birthday. It was one of the reasons they had started all this nonsense, and it had all escalated over the years. Grinning to himself, he admitted that it was also a great deal of fun to watch Sirius get so worked up.

"If we killed him, how hard would it be to hide the body?"

"It isn't hiding the body that would be difficult, Moony. It's explaining to me mum. She'd cry. I can't handle crying."

Remus sighed and took another long drink. "Right. Well, we'd better collect some more of these and see about giving Pete and Lily some more time. They should be joining us at any moment, but with Pete you never know."

James agreed, shoving his hands into his pockets and then hesitated, glancing over his shoulder. Remus looked over and grimaced. "You really don't want to know. But in the spirit of fairness, I'd avoid Madam Pudifoots for a while. Just in case."

"… right. I'll just… get those butterbeers."

Shaking his head, James moved back to the counter and found himself jiggling the change in his pockets nervously. Forcing his hands to still, he leaned back on his heels and blew out a breath. The last time he felt this jittery, he'd been anxiously waiting for the start of his first quidditch game. Granted, in the scheme of things, a butterbeer with Lily Evans was far more nerve wracking than the chance of being maimed, but still. Closing his eyes, he breathed in and blew out a breath.

Lily Evans had invited him for a butterbeer.

And if he kept letting that spin in his head like a muggle toy, he was going to be useless.

"I wasn't aware that butterbeer took this much concentration." The familiar voice cut into this brain and he grinned, opening his eyes to watch Rosmerta head his direction.

"Clearly this is why you need me in your life, Evans. You keep getting the important and the non-important things mixed up."

"And butterbeer is important."

A faint smile curved his lips as he held up the correct number of fingers for Madam Rosmerta. "Lils, butterbeer can be _life_ _altering_."

Instead of the huff and snarled warning not to call her that, he got silence. Turning his head, he took in her wind-pinked cheeks, the slightly red-rimmed eyes and the unsure smile she was trying to pass off as _happy_. Twisting around, glanced over at Pete who shook his head minutely. The laughing, amused faces that had promised an afternoon of sneaking around behind Sirius's back had disappeared beneath a grim sort of determination. And the nervous, jittery happiness that had cushioned him from even Sirius' complete stupidity evaporated with the knowledge that something had happened. And by the look in Pete's eyes, if he wanted to know, he was going to have to find out from Lily.

And the Three Broomsticks was hardly the place to have a personal conversation. Glancing back at the booth that had been accommodated by Remus and Sirius, he amended the thought. The Three Broomsticks wasn't the place to have a personal conversation unless you could lay down the appropriate wards.

"Lily?"

She waved him off and helped collect butterbeers. Eyes narrowing, James held his tongue as he followed her back to the booth, watching the way she moved. When Lily was the most upset, she'd hold herself carefully; shoulders slightly rounded and body language wary as she attempted to keep what she was feeling to herself. James much preferred furious, angry Lily to the Lily who kept whatever was bothering her bottled up tight. If the way Remus suddenly frowned as they approached, he wasn't going to have to try wiggle this out of her alone.

But surprisingly, it was Sirius who reacted first.

"Evans, you look like you went a round with the Bloody Baron." He tsked, even as he slid out of the booth, pointing to the spot he had just vacated. Even more surprising, was that Lily went without commenting. James bit the side of his tongue and took the spot next to Remus as Sirius sat back down; shifting so there was enough room for Pete next to him. Thankfully, Pete was already muttering the strongest privacy charms they knew, while Remus blocked his wand movements from the crowd with his body.

"What in the blazes happened?"

Lily frowned at Sirius. "It's fine."

Remus leaned forward. "You've been crying."

Her chin went up and she shook her head. "It's not important right now."

James set his jaw and caught her gaze with his. She scowled at him, green eyes narrowed but instead of the fight he was expecting, could feel building between them, she suddenly seemed to deflate. Concerned, he glanced over at Pete who shrugged.

"Lily?"

Swallowing, she lifted her wand and flicked it. "Muffliato."

James frowned even as he mentally cataloged the wand movement and, finally, the correct and clear pronunciation of the charm. He opened his mouth to comment but Pete beat him to it.

"You learned that charm from Snape."

Lily set her wand down and ran her fingers through her bangs and then finally nodded. "He was always better at creating new spells than me."

Her simple explanation floored James. He would never have given the slimy snake credit for being able to _create_ spells – as much as he disliked Snape, he had to admit the Muffliato spell was particularly effective. Remus leaned forward, brown eyes studying her as she sat so carefully against the booth wall.

"What are you good at?"

Lily blinked up and then seemed to shake herself and James was relieved to see some unnatural stillness ease. Lips quirking, she fiddled with the napkin in front of her. "Snape and I… we both liked spell theory. But where he tended to create something out of nothing, I took older spells and tweaked them into something more useful. Changed them a little."

Sirius heaved out breath, gray eyes tight but he nudged her with his shoulder. "Spell theory is tricky and that sort of experimenting can end badly."

"I know."

James cleared his throat. There was a wealth of underlying dryness to her tone and he wondered how badly some of those experiments had ended. Wondered how he had missed that she was experimenting with spell theory at all. "So those spells you've been muffling… those are Snape's."

"Yes. Those are his." She looked uncomfortable before seeming to come to a decision, her hand lifting to wave in front of her. "I… he was my friend for a very long time. It just didn't seem… _right_ to give away his secrets. Even if he doesn't have the same compunction to keep mine."

"What changed?" Remus asked.

Lily's eyes dropped to the table and James clenched his fist where she couldn't see them as her fingertips dragged along the table top. What he wanted to do was crawl over the table and… _something_ that would make her feel safe and comfortable enough to talk. Scowling, he glanced at Sirius. Catching his eyes, he jerked his chin over at Lily, and though Sirius rolled his eyes, he nudged her harder than previously.

"Oi, Evans. Either spit it out or get over it. My birthday is in a few days and I demand everyone I associate with to be happy. So fake it."

Her jaw dropped open and James leaned back, smiling lazily when she sat up straight and put the full force of her ire onto Sirius. "The hell, Black! Did you seriously just tell me to fake being happy for _you_?"

Sirius dismissed her temper with a flick of his fingers and a shrug. "Yes. Have to keep our priorities here."

Green eyes narrowed even as a particular pretty color flushed through her cheeks. "I'm going to turn you into a toad."

Sirius pursed his lips, considering. "Birthday pranks are only acceptable between the hours of noon and three on my birthday. Anything else would be out of bounds, Evans. I think I'd make a particular spectacular bullfrog."

Remus covered his eyes. "Lily, he's just going to turn it into some spectacular attempt to get poor, defenseless witches to kiss him."

"Like a Prince!" Sirius declared, ignoring the growing ire from the witch next to him. "The one who managed it would get a… _special_ prize."

James watched them bicker for a moment. Glancing over at Remus, he frowned at his friend who looked grim. Running his fingers through his hair, he worked to keep his temper from exploding. Pete had said she had learned the spell from Snape. Which mean that Pete had seen Snape use the spell. Breathing in deep, he jumped into the argument between Sirius and Lily, before Lily decided to actually demonstrate her proficiency with transfiguration. "You ran into Snape."

Lily's braid slapped into Sirius's shoulder, she whipped her head around so fast.

"Pete knew who'd taught you the spell, and he's been obsessing over it for weeks."

"Hey!" Peter protested. "I gave it the same amount of attention I gave to Sirius's birthday present."

Sirius puffed up his chest. "Exactly."

James caught Lily's gaze and rolled his eyes deliberately. She bit her bottom lip, and shook her head before sighing and making a helpless gesture with her hands. "Yes. Pete and I ran into Snape. We… exchanged a few words."

"Want us to curse him for you?" Sirius asked, completely serious. There was a hard glitter behind his eyes that promised he wasn't bluffing. James made a mental note to have a chat with Sirius soon. He was always twitchy about his family around his birthday, but this reminder that Slytherian was a recruiting hot spot was going to require watching.

Lily rolled her eyes. "No. I've told you, I can handle Snape."

Peter spoke up. "She handled him fine today."

"Thanks," she muttered.

"Awe, don't be like that Lils," James teased, working to disguise the irritation that had crept into his chest at the idea of Snape confronting her about anything. She may have handled it, but it was clear that he had hurt her. They'd deal with _that_ later. "Wormtail's recommendation carries weight, you know."

Something bright and unexpected flickered behind her eyes. "I know."

Now wasn't that interesting. James tilted his head and studied her. He knew that Pete and Lily had become friends, same as the rest of them. But even people who thought they were friends with Peter missed his most important sides. It wasn't until after they had sworn the loyalty oath that _James_ had realized how much that lack of understanding had eaten away at his friend's confidence, and he'd been careful to casually show his appreciation since. But that Lily had picked up on his friend's worth and simply accepted it…

"Well then, Evans?" James offered her his best smile. "I believe I was promised a romantic stroll back to Hogwarts."

And to James eternal delight, the annoyed huff didn't manage to completely cover Lily's sudden embarrassment. Biting the side of his tongue to contain himself, he met Remus's gaze while Sirius let Lily out of the booth.

"Good luck."

Remus snorted. "We're both going to need it."

X

"You're awfully quiet for who someone who blackmailed me into walking back to the castle _early_, Evans."

Lily looked up. They had cleared Hogsmead some time ago and she'd been lost in her thoughts. Her altercation with Snape had rattled her more than she'd wanted to let on, but sitting in that booth had eased the knot in her chest. Arguing with Sirius had been like a valve, letting steam off the top. And, she realized as her steps slowed, he'd done it on purpose. They'd all done it on purpose.

Forcing those thoughts to the side, she nudged him with her shoulder. "I thought you had questions?"

"Lily," James said. He paused, seeming to try to figure out exactly how to say whatever he was thinking and he finally looked away. "I'm not certain where to start."

Surprised, she blinked up at him and then caught the sleeve of his jumper between her fingers and tugged. He didn't look at her. Biting her lower lip, she studied his profile. She knew he was worried about her, and she was certain what he was thinking had happened this afternoon had just made it worse. But how was she supposed to explain Severus? She'd never had the opportunity to tell someone why, had never really wanted too. How did you distill six years of friendship that had gone sour into conversation?

You found someone who cared about his friends as much as you and let him _see_.

"James. It's not…" She chewed on her lip as he turned to face her. "The last year has been so different from anything I'd expected. I'm so far off balance with the directions I'm being pulled sometimes I just want to scream. Snape… Snape is always going to have the power to hurt me. He knows all my weak points, knows how to hit them and how much pressure I can take. But I _know him too_. We've avoided an all out war, because I think we both know once we start down that path, once we do more than posture and threaten, we're both going to bleed."

Instead of losing his temper like she'd expected, he shut his eyes and blew out a long breath.

Lily swallowed. "I'm not sure how much longer we can avoid it."

"I want to tell you I won't let that happen." His voice was tight, hard. When his eyes opened, that familiar intensity made the hairs on the back of her neck stand. "He doesn't get to hurt you."

"I'm not a child to hide, James. I can't do that." She tugged on his jumper. "I won't."

"I know," he said finally. "But you're not alone, either."

And that was the crux of it, Lily realized. She'd become used to being alone. First Petunia, then Snape, then her parents… she was used to people edging her out of their lives. Except this infuriating, stubborn man who refused to quit. Swallowing past a sudden lump in her throat, she reached up to adjust her scarf. "I know."

He nodded and then kept walking. Lily started after him, pulling even after a few steps. James seemed to be thinking about something, so she let him and glanced around the road. This early in the afternoon, it was nearly deserted, the occasional flash of color ahead them a sign of a few students who had also headed back early, but the real rush would be in a couple of hours.

"Snape took the dark mark."

Lily snapped her head around, staring in shock at James. His wand was out, and it was clear he'd cast some sort of privacy charm while she'd been thinking. Swallowing, she looked at the way he watched her, the green in his eyes sharp against the brown.

"Yes."

His jaw tightened and the temper he'd kept in check earlier flared behind his eyes. "That's why you were so upset last year. He threatened you. It wasn't his friends you were worried about hunting your family, but _him_."

Lily looked away. "James…"

Warm fingers curled around her wrist. Her eyes jumped to his as his fingers slide down, interlocking with hers tightly. "You didn't tell Dumbledore."

She tugged but his fingers tightened. Standing in the middle of the road, she suddenly felt exposed. Maybe it was because he'd taken the lead on the conversation instead of letting her speak at her own pace, maybe because he was digging at secrets she wasn't prepared for.

When she spoke, her tone was sharp. "Potter!"

He squared his shoulders, facing her straight on, jaw hard. "I don't know what games Dumbledore is playing, but why didn't you tell him?"

Lily shook her head. "Tell him what? That one of the students had shown me his… _his_… when my _family_. He'd threatened my muggle family. I couldn't say anything until they were safe. Then… what could I say then? How do I do that without Snape knowing about it?"

His fingers were hot against her jaw in the cool weather, the pressure of his wand behind her ear as he held her in place. "We'll use our next Head meeting."

She went still under his grip. "I… but, you don't trust Dumbledore."

"I trust Dumbledore to do what he thinks is right to protect this school," James said slowly. "He cares about people. I just don't know if I can trust him to care about _my_ people as well as _I_ do. Regardless of my personal belief, Lily, Dumbledore is a brilliant wizard who is firmly on the side of the light. You're family is as safe as magic and muggle can make them."

"Alright," she said finally. "I'll tell him."

James nodded, but his hold on her jaw lightened and he used two fingers not gripping his wand to push a strand of hair behind her ear. "Good. I just don't know what we should expect from him knowing."

Lily sighed. "Professor Flitwick may have already told him about my interest in the Fidelius."

"So that's who helped you." James said. "Good. And I wouldn't expect Flitwick to have given away all your secrets, Lily. He's part goblin, after all, and they're notorious for keeping things to themselves. Besides, you're his favorite."

"Oh hush," she muttered. "You have no room to talk. I swear, no matter how many detentions she gives you, McGonagall almost looks happy when you start asking your ridiculous questions about some random transfiguration theory."

He laughed and Lily relaxed. Just let the quiet of the afternoon sink into her bones as she stood in the middle of the road with James Potter. Until he moved. It wasn't a big move, just enough so that a little of the distance between them disappeared, but somehow the air between them changed. Swallowing at a sudden lick of nerves in her stomach, Lily looked up. James was studying her from beneath his lashes, something hot behind his eyes that hadn't been there before.

Before he said anything, a sudden burst of giggles interrupted. James pulled away, but his fingers stayed tightly wrapped around hers. He glanced over his shoulder even as he silently dispelled the charm that kept anyone from ease dropping and arched an eyebrow at the gaggle of third years.

"Can we help you?"

Lily compressed her lips, forcing down the flush of embarrassment as the girl just grinned and took off for the castle. James looked amused as he glance down at her, tugging her forward to finish the trek, the castle in the distance. "You realize this will be all over the Hufflepuff common room in an hour."

"What? That the Head Girl seems to be friends with the Head Boy? I thought we'd cleared that up after the first prefect meeting. With our united front and continued willingness to tag team, or whatever it was that Remus was quietly snickering to himself." Lily teased. "I'm particularly fond of the rumors that I'm all knowing."

"That the Head Boy was thinking about kissing the Head Girl, and she didn't seem to mind." James shot back. Lily gawked at him as he tugged her forward, hazel eyes somehow laughing and serious at the same time.

"Fair warning, Evans."

And he grinned at her and then started chatting about some inane and unimportant transfiguration theory that she honestly just didn't care about. There was really no doubt that the man was something of a genius when it came to transfiguration (she hoped that one day in her life, she'd have the pleasure of seeing McGonagall's face when she found out about him being an Animagus.) And the sudden realization of how _pleased_ with himself he was made something buzz along her nerve endings. It was the feeling she got when she was a hairs breath away from figuring out the components of a spell; from completing something new.

James Potter thought he had a handle on this. On what she had finally admitted to herself just days ago. Somehow he'd picked up the signals she wasn't even aware she had been sharing, and the gambler that he was, he'd put his cards on the table. '_Fair warning, Evans._' Because he expected her to dig her heels in, to duck around this and…

Her eyes narrowed as they slipped back into the castle.

She didn't want to run. James Potter wasn't the only one who could take charge of a situation. She was so tired of being afraid, and cautious, and planning for the worst – expecting people to let her go. He might have put his cards on the table, but she had her own hand, and she was playing it.

See what he thought about _that_.

"You know what, Potter?" she interrupted a few feet away from the portrait entrance. She waited for him to glance back, a shot of those eyes of his. There was mischief and amusement, and buried, a little bit of something that looked stubborn.

"Hmm?"

She stopped short, using his grip on her hand to turn him to face her, ignoring the huffing noises from the Fat Lady. He turned willingly, his lips curved slightly at the corners even as his gaze danced across her face, looking for a clue as to what she was thinking.

"What is it, Lily? Just can't stand to see our date end?"

Her lips twisted into a smirk, "I was just thinking." She took a half-step closer, "That there wasn't much to be said about only _thinking_of kissing the Head Girl. Actions," she said, taking a half-step towards him, "speak louder than words."

His eyes widened, and he opened up his mouth in what she was sure would be a flirtatious or defensive retort, but she didn't give him a chance to speak. She leaned up on her tiptoes, curled one hand determinedly in his jumper, the other fisting in his hair and stole his words with her kiss. His mouth was warm, a little chapped from the wind and for a moment, completely unresponsive.

Then his fingers were encircling her waist and his lips moving against hers as James Potter came to life under her hands. Rising up on tiptoe, she let him pull her close as her fingers tightened in his hair, body flush against his as he caught her lower lip between his teeth. Gasping a little, she moaned as his tongue licked along the sting. As the kiss deepened, she completely forgot that they were standing right outside the Gryffindor Common Room entrance.

Until a loud, obnoxious wolf whistle pierced her brain.

"Damn Potter!" The voice broke through her haze and she pulled back, blinking. "If you dodge right, I can probably get a shield up before she hexes you!"

Fingers flexing against her hip, James met her gaze with his, something wild and hot and brilliant staring back at her before he reached up and adjusted his glasses. The smile that was spreading across his face was so wide, she couldn't help but she smile back.

"Let it be known," he responded without turning towards the voice, "that _Lily Evans_ kissed _me_!"

Lily lifted her chin, ignoring the audience that was crowding into the portrait entrance as she started to detangle herself from James. It was one thing to kiss him in an empty hallway, and it was another to do it with an audience. Ignoring the cheering that she could hear from inside the portrait as whoever that was – she was embarrassed to realize she hadn't paid attention – ducked back inside to shout the news, she paused as James caught her hand.

"Evans."

"Potter."

Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead against hers, eyes hot behind his glasses. "I'm going to that again. _Soon_. Better brace yourself."

Stepping back, Lily tilted her head and very deliberately gave him a once over. Smiling to herself when she watched him swallow, she pushed her hair behind her shoulder and sauntered towards the still open portrait.

"Do _what_, Potter? As you said, I kissed _you_."

* * *

><p><strong><em>Please Comment<em>**

So notes:

Even a Severus Snape who is obsessive and mostly evil, in canon he loved Lily, or at least, felt what he thought was love for Lily. Severus is a complex character. The disintegration of the friendship between Lily and Severus was complicated. In fact, everything about them is complicated.

Do I think that Snape would have done what he thought was best, in his own twisted way, to try to protect Lily? We see that in cannon when he asked Voldemort to spare her. The biggest problem with their relationships as adults is this: Lily does not understand the anger and loathing that drives Severus, and Severus does not understand what drives Lily to protect others. It was important to show that both of them had made decisions that had led to their friendship ending, but that they both still struggle with it. Why ask Voldemort to spare someone who had not only ended any and all friendship with you, but married the man you hated so much that you take that hatred out on an 11 year old boy, years later?

Still, Snape's love is a selfish, volatile thing if he only cares that Lily lives, not that she'd suffer the loss of her husband and son. He seemingly only cared about keeping her in his life, not how much those losses would hurt. (Unfortunately, J.K's Snape is full of so many contradictions. We are expected to believe for almost all of the books that if not the bad guy entirely, Snape is someone who is bitter and jaded and sometimes evil. We are expected to brush aside and accept that Snape's rage is because of his love for Lily, that his behavior towards Harry is a result of that loss. However, what I think many people miss, is that Snape was directly involved in the Potter's deaths, and that his behavior towards Harry was always lacking in respect for Lily's sacrifice. Snape did not care that Harry was her son, he only cared that in giving her life for her son, he had lost Lily.)


	7. Hogwarts: Christmas Holiday

There was so much that had to be covered in this chapter. It's taking much longer to get everyone to graduation and beyond than I had originally anticipated; mostly though, it's because even though I am completely messing with the events from the books, I am trying to follow the timeline that JK gave us. And that means a lot of things are going to be happening and then we're going to have a time jump of at least a year.

And I hated the ending of this chapter. So I've re-written it three times. So we can blame that too.

There are so many conflicting ideas of just who James' parents were, partly because the logical set (Dorea and Charles) do not appear to be old enough to be his parents if JKR can be believed. So, I've done my best to keep to the timelines given, but they aren't really helpful. However, it should be noted that based on what Rowling gives us, the Black family at large doesn't seem to have a very long lifespan. (Again, odd, but whatever.)

Peter and Sirius do not have listed birthdays.

* * *

><p>Sirius leaned against the wall, waiting. Christmas break had left the halls empty except for meal times, and the occasional screaming Second Year being peppered by snowballs. Not many students had chosen to stay this year. Even the muggleborns had, in larger numbers than usual, chosen to return home. Uncle Alphard had been surprisingly willing to let him stay his last Christmas at Hogwarts. He was slightly suspicious that James and Charles had something to do with it, but he wasn't willing to be ungracious about it.<p>

Hell, this was the first time James had ever stayed. Although that might have had something to do with James' parents being fully aware of how much trouble they'd likely get into without constant supervision, and being unwilling to risk it. But apparently whatever James had written home to his parents had been enough of a reason that they were letting him stay; missing out on the usual series of parties and required social events. Sirius knew that part of that was the fact that Lily Evans was staying as well.

And the other part was him.

Blowing out a breath, Sirius ran his fingers along the wand shoved inside his cloak and considered. Months ago, Evans had torn off a section of his hide regarding his brother. He'd mostly ignored her at the time, because Regulus was a wound he had only ever let James see. But for all that she was muggleborn, Evans had already proven that she was far more observant than most of her pureblood counterparts. And that she'd seen where others, including his brother, had missed and had the balls to call him on it, had _rankled_. Frowning, he shrugged. So it still rankled.

But as James had pointed out over fire whiskey, annoying didn't mean wrong.

Which was why he found himself standing in a deserted back hall waiting; irritable, mentally exhausted but still waiting. Once he'd finally told the others about his conversation with Evans, it hadn't taken long for them to piece together a plan. And Peter was an expert at getting in and out of old Slughorn's office, so confirmation that Regulus had chosen to stay at Hogwarts was easy enough. Although he worried about what his brother had planned. Technically, this was the first Christmas where Regulus would be recognized as Orion's heir. Rubbing a hand over his face, he considered the idea of all the family politicking that would be occurring soon. There was no easily conceivable reason that Wallaburga Black would allow her precious heir to avoid the family gatherings during Christmas unless he was remaining behind for a _reason_.

But it was possible that they were waiting for the full family ceremonies this summer. Arcturus was nearing his late seventies, and while by wizarding standards he was still in mid-life, by Black Family standards they were simply waiting for him to die. Of course, once Orion was took over the family, it was possible that whatever Alphard had arranged with Arcturus would be null and avoid, and he'd be disinherited a second time. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he sighed.

There were rumors that several marriage arrangements were taking place, and Sirius wondered how deeply imbedded with Voldemort his cousins would be by the end of it. Still, he didn't see Wallaburga sharing her favorite's special day with his female cousins. He wondered if Alphard would insist he attend.

The familiar sound of tiny squeaks caught his attention, and Sirius glanced down to see Peter doing a familiar dance. Nodding grimly, he watched Pete disappear behind a suit of armor. Pete had confirmed that Regulus was alone, but he'd watch anyway. Mostly because James had insisted, but Sirius found himself less willing to argue after Remus had lectured him for twenty minutes on safety measures.

It wasn't easy, getting the drop on Regulus. Slytherinhad honed reflexes that years of being pranked had developed, and paranoia served everyone in green well. But he'd had years of learning stealth on his side and several pounds of muscle. And James' invisibility cloak.

He still didn't manage to come out unscathed, jaw throbbing from an elbow. Keeping his fingers curled his brother's collar; he pressed the tip of his wand hard under his brother's ear.

"Regulus."

"Well, if it isn't the Blood Traitor." Regulus sneered. His nose was bleeding and his lip split. "I hear you've managed to crawl back into the family. But I imagine that won't last much longer than grandfather."

"Shut up," Sirius warned him softly, adjusting the wand he had shoved under Regulus' jaw to make his point. "Do yourself a favor and don't prove just how good you are at spewing what you've been taught and _listen_, little brother."

"_Rich_, coming from _you_," Regulus sneered. "And I believe the proper address is now _cousin_."

Sirius magnanimously ignored the jab. "If you're set on being this Lord Voldemort's pet Black, we'll find ourselves on opposite sides of each other's wands. Make _sure_ that doesn't happen."

"I think we've already found ourselves there." Regulus replied tightly, and the feeling of a wand between his ribs nearly made him flinch. "You should've planned this better if you wanted to threaten me. You'll find I've learned a few new tricks."

"You'll find I have to." Sirius returned. Forcing Regulus off his heels by wrenching him up by his collar, he smiled. "Tell me, what exactly did you need that second wand for, Regs?"

Regulus snorted. "I think you'll find within the family, that familiar form of address won't be tolerated. Just wait, _cousin_ – you'll have to take your family oaths like the rest of us. You'll learn just how cushy life is when you're not the heir."

Sirius shrugged. "The family doesn't scare me now, _Regs_, and it won't in the future. Tell me, little brother, what happens if Alphard or I yank our financial support of your little causes? Dear mother's dowry was sizeable, but Orion's paranoia has cut through most of it, hasn't it?"

Regulus bared his teeth. "You have no idea of what you're speaking of."

"Then why haven't you hexed me yet?"

"But I will." Regulus met his gaze evenly. "If it comes down to _this_ between us, I will take the shot."

Sirius stared at him, eyes narrowed. His little brother, solemn-eyed and quiet wasn't who was staring back at him. The banked anger and hate behind his eyes attested to that; too many years of discord and not enough between them to hold. Releasing Regulus' jacket he stepped back, wand curled carefully between his fingers as Regulus wiped his face.

'_The only examples, the only way of living most witches and wizards understand, is what they've been indoctrinated in their wholes lives and __no one__ is stopping them. You both wrote each other off because of where you placed by a __talking hat.__..'_

"I'm going to fight him."

Regulus looked up, a sneer on his face. "It won't do any good. He's already stronger than you can possibly imagine."

"I don't care." This side had been picked years ago. And Evans was right, the choices of a hat defined them both, but for him, it was the right one. It had sank into his bones as a child and never left. "And it doesn't matter."

"You're letting your Gryffindor show." His tone made it clear it wasn't a compliment.

Sirius snorted. "And you're too buried in your conspiracies to _see_. We're not on opposite sides yet, Reg. But we might be. I don't know what this summer will bring, but my threats are not idle ones. Ask Orion, if you don't believe me." Taking a deep breath he stared the unfamiliar eyes down. "But if you need me, _find me_. You're still my brother.

Regulus went motionless, eyes narrowing. "You're no brother of mine."

"When you find yourself in over your head - remember what I told you." Sirius lifted his wand and took two steps away. "And Regulus, I think we both know that day isn't too far in the future."

X

"You look like shit."

"Sweet talker, I see what Evans likes about you." Remus said without looking up from the notes he was cross referencing. James snorted and dropped into the chair next to him. Reaching over, he picked up the potions book that Remus was referencing and pulled a face.

"I can't say I'm looking forward to this NEWT, even with Lily beating it into our brains, one muggle flashcard at a time." He tapped his fingers against the table, a look of consideration crossing his face. "Do you think we should try to adapt her flashcards to say… exploding snap? I think I'd remember potions recipes and cutting procedures better if the card was going to explode in my face if I got it wrong."

A small smile cracked across Remus' face. "I think Lily would kill us slowly if we ruined her flashcards. And that we'd never be allowed in the Library again."

"Would she notice? She has so many of them!"

Shaking his head, Remus put his quill down and rubbed his fingers. "What do you want James?"

"What, a bloke can't just stop by for a chat?" Grinning, he shoved his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I'm hurt."

Remus snorted. "That last time you were involved in an involuntary conversation with someone, it was Peter. And look at the mess that got us into."

"You say mess, I say awesome."

"_James_."

Handing him back his manual, James twirled his wand casting a privacy bubble. The charm was advanced, part of the expected criteria that Charles had demanded they learn during the summer. Shaking his head, Remus set his quill down and waited.

"Dad and I've been talking."

Remus gave him an amused look. "I'm still curious about how you managed to finagle staying here this Christmas, when I _saw_ you're mum's list of parties she was considering hosting for Christmas this summer."

James blinked and a suddenly serious expression crossed his face. "Lily's sister is getting married tomorrow."

Remus blinked. "But she's here."

"Yes," James said grimly. "She hasn't gone into a lot of detail, but obviously whatever happened this summer made an already strained situation worse. Snape is mixed in there somehow, but…"

"She isn't ready to talk about it."

Running his hands through his hair, he sighed heavily. "I wished she would have agreed to go home with me. But then this situation with Regs popped up, so I guess it worked out. But I think mum could have helped, some."

"Do you know what she's planning after graduation?"

"Flitwick offered her an apprenticeship, dependent on her N.E.W.T.s," James said with a slow smile, full of pride. "I'm pretty sure Slughorn is planning on making a similar offer. But she's waiting for her N.E.W.T.s before she makes a decision."

"Good for her," Remus said softly. "That's huge."

"I'm offering her a room at our place, at least until she gets things into motion and she can support herself. I don't think she'll be able to go home."

"Good. Although you'll have to work it carefully, so she doesn't think it's a pity offer."

"I know." James shrugged, eyes narrowing as he considered. "But if I have my way, she won't have to worry about supporting herself alone for long."

Remus blinked. "James?"

He waved his hand then smiled. "But speaking of graduation, what are your plans? You've been awful mum about it."

"I don't know," Remus said finally, his brows pinching together. "Dumbledore has dropped a few hints at possible positions, but I don't believe I'll be able to hold any of them. It won't take long before someone starts noticing certain days that I miss, and I won't have the benefit of whatever charm work Flitwick managed to keep people from thinking about me for too long."

James frowned. "Dumbledore, huh?"

Remus shrugged. "I think he's worried I'll get discouraged once everyone starts applying for positions or apprenticeships, when I am perfectly aware that a perfect set of N.E.W.T.S won't help at all. Who knows, I might try to finagle some short term work in the muggle world.'

James nodded, fingers moving restlessly against the table. "I have a proposition for you."

"_James_," Remus said warningly, "I'm not interested in pity either."

"Good, because I'm not going to give you any. And it'd be entirely based on your N.E.W.T.S anyway."

"What is?" Remus finally asked when it was clear that James wasn't going to elaborate.

"I know you've got a pretty good taste of what is expected of me once I graduate this summer." James said slowly, obviously feeling out his words. "Dad and Mum are getting on in their years, and he's ready to start handing over some of the more strenuous duties pretty much right away."

"At least this way you and Sirius can commensurate together," Remus pointed out.

"Eh, Pads would have survived, either way." James shrugged carelessly. "Actually, once he realizes that I got to you first, he may hex me when I sleep, but it'll be totally worth it."

"_What_ will?'

"I need you to be my steward." James said firmly. "And I'm pretty much not accepting no as an answer."

"I'm not sure this is something you get to decide for me," Remus said finally, only the way his shoulders barely jerked giving away his surprise.

"So you say."

"You know what I am." Remus said tightly, finally. "Peter would be better."

"In a way, maybe. But no one is going to take him seriously; we've spent years making sure that no one _would_ take him seriously. Plus, I'm not sure if there isn't something more to what Dumbledore has been hinting. I know for certain he's been watching Peter and you. I'm not sure he knows what to expect from me or Sirius. And honestly Remus, with the political climate and Voldemort slowly gaining power? I'm not so sure having someone with your furry little problem as my steward isn't such a bad idea. And dad agrees with me."

Remus pressed his lips together, clearly biting back a comment. "Charles agrees?"

"I've ran this idea past him first, Moony. He's more impressed with your D.A.D.A and Charms scores, but he agrees that you'd have what it takes. There'd be a training program; you'd have to work with cousin Iggy, while I worked with Dad. But it pays well, and you've have job security. And honestly Remus, I'm going to need you. There is a lot to take in, and I need someone I trust to handle some of it."

Remus gave him a blank look. "Iggy?"

"Ignatius? I always felt a little bad for the poor chap. Cousin on Dad's side. Got stuck to with one of those traditional Potter name's that makes you want hide in a closet. 'Course, he could've had worse, and been stuck with something truly ridiculous like Horologium."

"Do I even want to know?"

"It's a constellation. Keep waiting for some poor Black to end up with it."

Remus tugged his hands through his hair, looking uncharacteristically rumpled. "I reiterate, you're not functioning with all your gobstones, mate."

"Iggy doesn't have a problem with you."

"And when my problem gets out? You know it will. It'll cost you support."

James made a familiar dismissive gesture with his free hand, hazel eyes determined. "I don't care. People who make judgments based on fear are cowards. And it's just another form of prejudice. Lily is right. We might not judge people the same way that muggles do, but it's not any better.

"They have a right to be afraid," Remus said tightly. "I'm _dangerous."_

James leaned forward and smiled tightly, wand twirling between his fingers. "So am I."

"That's not the point," Remus pointed out in exasperation. "What you are is _insane._"

James shrugged unconcerned. "So you and Lily say. Instead of fighting me on it, why don't you use it to your advantage then?"

"You're my friend," Remus growled, brown eyes lighting to honey.

"So why do you keep expecting me to be less loyal to you, than you are to me?" James demanded. "You can do this job, Remus. You'll be brilliant at it. I don't have the patience for the research or the time to get to know everyone at my estates intimately. People expect me to react a certain way, to be a little wild. Dad's getting older, and one day he won't be there to help me keep my head."

Remus scrubbed his face with his palms. "This is insane."

"All our best ideas are."

"If I agree to this," Remus said slowly, fingers drumming staccato on the table. "And James, this is a big _if_, what exactly are you thinking?"

James shrugged. "The position has been around for as long as there have been Ancient and Noble houses. Usually the position is kept in the family, but it's been a long time since there was enough Potters for that. Cousin Iggy is the only son of an only son, and he never married, although honestly I've never gotten specifics on exactly how he is or isn't related to the family. Dad suspected that I'd be choosing you or Pete. I'm not going to say that he didn't have some initial concerns about your furry little problem, but he agreed with my reasoning."

Remus frowned for a moment, before rubbing his forehead. "You mentioned estate management?"

"Merlin, most of that is just awful. A steward's role is pretty much what you think it means. The official wording is all officious and dry as Binns at his worse, but it's basically broken down into a secret keeper, advisor, estate manager and sometimes accountant. Amazingly, four years of being a prefect actually gave you life skills."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Glass houses, Head Boy."

"If you agree," James said blithely, ignoring his comment, "then will start using the Potter Owl to send correspondences between you and Cousin Iggy for training. Shall I send him a message and let him know you're in?"

"I still have several objections to this plan," Remus said finally, sighing as he looked up. "But you're going to ignore them the same way you always do."

"I don't always ignore your objections!" James protested. "In fifth year, you thought my plan for using the third floor corridor as an ice rink would be irresponsible, because someone could fall down a staircase. So we set up those barriers and they were charmed to catch people. Worked brill!"

"It used any student who crashed into them as bludgers, and the rest of the ice skaters were used as open targets!"

"I know! We never would have thought of that without you!"

"I'm going to regret agreeing to this." Remus muttered. "A lifetime of headaches."

"Think of the children!"

Remus gave him a blank look and James shrugged, grinning. "Lily keeps saying it, thought I'd try it out."

"And she's still dating you?"

"She told me I was dating her, but I don't care." Wand flicking, he brought down the privacy charms. "I'll write dad tonight. Chin up, Moony. This is going to be great!"

X

James crossed his arms behind his head, enjoying the quiet of the common room. The later hour gave a rare chance for some privacy. Well, as much privacy as one ever had at Hogwarts. Even Sirius had finally decided to get some beauty sleep, having decided that whatever was going was too much for him without some sort of sugar to tide him over.

Glancing under his lashes, he studied the redhead staring into the fire with a set expression on her face. She'd stopped pretending to read twenty minutes ago and was simply watching the flames, as if they could solve her dilemma. Petunia had been married for six hours now, and James had given up on trying to find the right words. Instead, he was determined to simply be there if she decided she needed to talk. He didn't have a sister, but he had brothers, and he couldn't imagine what it would be like to be shut out of their lives.

"Don't think I don't know what you're missing by being here, James. What all of you are missing."

James pushed himself up, fingers smoothing down his hair a she finally broke the silence. "I have no idea what you mean."

She made a noise that might have tried to be laugh, but came out as something strangled. "Honestly James, I'm neither blind nor deaf. And even if I was, I wouldn't have missed the build up to Christmas break, or the politics behind them. Just because... just because Snape used to spend Christmases with me in the muggle word doesn't mean neither of us were aware of the politicking that goes on at Christmas in the wizarding world."

James shifted his weight forward, so that his shoulder could press against hers. Reaching down he tangled their fingers. Speaking only when she let her weight lean against him, he shook his head. "Lily, it's not important."

"But to some people it is." She rebuked quietly. "Which is why I wanted to say thank you."

There were a wealth of hidden meaning in her tone, and he wasn't sure which angle would be the best one to take, so he opted for the option that would let her change the subject. "You never said that Snape shared Christmas with you. I mean, I suppose I could have guessed if I'd thought about it, but I usually did my best not to imagine you two spending time together."

She took a deep breath and pressed her head against his shoulder. "I would have been alright here, you know. By myself."

"But you shouldn't have been _just_ alright," he said quietly. "It's Christmas."

Lily looked down at the large had tangled with hers and sighed. "How is it the boy who I spent so much time hating has ended up being my best friend?"

His head rested against hers and he laughed. "Well, to be fair, I did spend a lot of time studying you. So I might have had a leg up on the whole friend thing, once you gave me a chance. Had a lot of time to think about it, as it were. And don't you mean the best friend you've had, right?"

Lily breathed a quiet laugh and then went silent for so long James didn't think she'd speak again.

"I met Severus when I was nine."

James felt himself tense, but other than tightening his grip on her hand, he kept silent. "He'd seen Petunia and I playing, but we'd been ignoring him. I wasn't in the habit of speaking to other kids who looked like him, and Petunia… Pet hated him from the moment she first saw him. Said he looked wrong."

Lily gripped his hand tighter. Now that the words were loose, they kept coming. Spilling almost without her permission. But she needed James to understand. She just didn't know if she was trying to explain Sev or Pet.

"You know I don't remember what it was we were doing? I can tell you which park, which swing… they still have the same ones, which is probably some of hazard. But I don't remember if we were jumping and I was staying in the air too long, or teasing Pet by doing something else. Petunia hated it when I did anything 'unnatural' and would cry." A faint ghost of a smile crossed her mouth. "Sev must have seen whatever it was that I'd done, because he came popping out of the bushes declaring that I was a witch."

James leaned back, studying the lines of her face. "You bonded over that, then?"

Lily nodded. "He was weird, and dirty but... he understood me when my sister didn't. When my family told me to hide it. He made it seem natural. His parents..." she bit her lip and shook her head. "My family didn't approve at first, because Petunia disliked him so intently. But then, well, after that first meal, my mom figured out pretty quickly that he was being neglected. So she started inviting him over for dinner. He'd spend holidays with us. That first Christmas, we camped out in front of the tree. Dad had outdone himself and it was a huge one…"

She looked up at him, and sighed heavily. "It was the first year that Petunia didn't sit with me and make up stories. We'd sit there for hours, pretending we were part of another world. And then I was."

"Sometime I think I'd like to see a muggle Christmas tree." James said thoughtfully, giving her a moment to catch herself. "You do such interesting things with those light-thingies."

"Thingies?" Lily spluttered in surprise. "Is that your technical word for the day?"

"Yup." Pleased that he made her laugh, he shift to wrap an arm around her waist and then re-tangled their fingers. "I'm sorry that you had to give up your lights this year."

Lily looked up at him and then shook her head. "I knew it was a possibility when I didn't tell them about Sev. I deliberately kept things from them knowing how they would react. I have no one to blame but myself that it went as badly as it did."

"They could have chosen to react differently." He suddenly rolled his eyes. "Oh Merlin, I sound like McGonagall."

Grinning, Lily shook her head. "No. I don't think they could have reacted differently, James. You have to understand… Sev was like a son to them. Dad always wanted one, but then he just had daughters. And one of them was part of this strange, unusual world that he wanted to supportive of but couldn't understand. Then it started to eat away at my family. How much Petunia hated it, how much my mother didn't understand or approve of my growing independence away from them. It was going to be blow sometime. They tried, they tried so hard to understand. But I just… the war made it so difficult for me to talk to them you know? Once I was old enough to realize how dangerous it was going to become, how dangerous it already was…"

James nudged her temple with his chin. "That doesn't make it okay."

"No, I suppose it doesn't. But it was such a shock to them, to learn that the boy they cared about, who was another part of the family, would suddenly want them dead for nothing more than a blood status that me means nothing to them?" She blew out a breath. "It was like everything Petunia had ever said suddenly became self-fulfilling and I didn't know how to explain or defend so I did nothing."

"I'm sorry."

"I wish I could say that no matter what happened, if we'd never had magic or come to Hogwarts, Sev would never had made the choices he did. But the truth is he hated his father. And he was so intensely bitter about being denied the things that the thought should have been his, which his mother's family should've given him. I always thought that our friendship would be enough to hold him, but I was wrong."

"We almost lost Pete."

Lily snapped her head around. "What?"

"Peter. We almost ruined our friendship with him due to our self-importance. Well, I say we, but I don't think Remus has ever been arrogant a day in his life." James sighed. "I'm not proud of it, forgetting that all the things that made Peter an amazing friend also meant he needed us to watch his back a little closer than we had."

"I didn't realize you'd all had falling out."

"We didn't. Not really. But I think, had we ignored him and his problems he kept so close to his chest, wanting to prove himself, that we'd have ruined something irreparable between us." James tugged on her hair. "What I'm saying Lils, is that if Sirius and I could recognize in the midst of the worse of our teenage arrogance that we were hurting a friend, then so could Snape."

"He hated you and Sirius so much. I mean, those first two years you were a big fat bully, but we were still children. But later… I wish I knew when he changed past the point of being able to help. Them maybe I'd stop feeling so guilty."

James sighed heavily. "I don't like him Lily. I've never liked him. Part of that might have been you, but the rest… I don't think if things had been different, if we had been in different houses and no longer had that excuse to abuse each other that we would have liked each other any better. But maybe, maybe we helped push him."

Lily snorted. "Don't give yourself that much credit, Potter. You were a petty, verbally abusive bully who didn't know when to stop the torment. But… as much as it pains me, you were still a child. We were all children. The responsibility to stop you was with the professors and when that didn't happen, then the Headmaster should have stepped in. And I wasn't blind, as much as I would have liked to pretend otherwise. You don't think his calling me a mudblood was the first straw do you? We fought. The year before the incident… it was horrible. For both of us. And your hatred, it went both ways. He never tried either." Turning she cupped her hands around his jaw and met his gaze. "Your rivalry just ended up being an excuse, a reason for his decisions. And if it wasn't you, it would have been something else. In the end, it might've one day even been me."

Reaching up, he curled his hand around hers. "Still, I've never apologize to you for some of the things I did. I am sorry that I hurt you. I'd like to say I didn't mean to, but I've never done well with rejection and you are particularly gifted with words. It's a flaw, and one I'm sure you'll see again, but I'm learning. And one day, I might even manage to control my temper."

Lily kissed his jaw and shook her head. "Let's not try for miracles, Potter."

He snorted out a laugh and relaxed. "What's the fun in that?"

Lily rolled her eyes and then hesitated, eyes searching his. "I'm really _not_ blind, James. For all that you were a right terror… how long did it take you to figure out what Remus was? To try to find a way to be friends with him? Knowing _now_ how you handled _that_… you _care_ about people. I don't know if I've ever met someone as compassionate underneath the ass, and I'm so grateful you looked beyond my own brattiness."

James swallowed and tried to smile, pressing his forehead against hers. "You're are a bit of an opinioned swot, Lils."

Eyes narrowing, she pulled back enough to glare. "Don't call me Lils!"

Grinning, he nipped softly at her bottom lip, chasing the sting with the tip of his tongue before leaning back in and sliding his mouth against hers. Her hands slid down his neck before digging into the muscles in his shoulders. Shivering at the slide of her palms, he used the arm around her waist to pull her against his chest, sinking his other hand into her hair to better direct her to the angle he wanted.

The sudden, clamoring sound of feet rushing down the stairs jerked Lily out of his arms even faster than the time McGonagall had found them outside the kitchen.

"James!" Peter hissed as he landed on the bottom step and saw him. "You need to come upstairs. Sirius just got a letter from his solicitor… Uncle Alphard is dead."

X

Hogwarts was surprisingly quiet in the early hours of the morning. She'd have thought more students would have been sneaking around during one of their last nights of holiday, but they hadn't even heard another student. Lily shifted her grip on her wand and arched an eyebrow at Remus. "I still can't believe none of you ever considered using this place to study."

Remus frowned at her before he twisted around to keep up the trek to open the Come and Go Room. Waving a hand in a manner usually used by Sirius, but sometimes James, he _tsked_. "Evans, we've told you. Some places in the castle are not to be sullied by studying things that are _legal_ to study in the library."

Lily rolled her eyes, not caring that he couldn't see the gesture. "How many times did Sirius make you repeat that?"

"It was actually one of the few times he managed to get his hands on my chocolate stash." Remus said with a shrug. "He hasn't tried it since."

Lily grinned. She was pretty sure he was sashaying now. "Still, it would make it a lot easier to keep the 'Claws away from my notes if they couldn't find me."

"Who knew there was such a black-market for old notes, much less having such a detail, complete set as yours? Or that someone would leak it."

Snorting, she leaned against the wall. "Please. Sirius totally leaked that I had such amazing notes. Apparently even Ravenclaw firsties are subject to sleeping in Binns class. Although you'd _think_ that they'd have some ancient collection of notes dating back to the founding, instead of trying to steal mine."

"Everyone knows that you are going to take top marks in our N.E.W.T.s, Evans. Of course they want to see what you are studying." Remus pointed out. "Just be glad James didn't copy your cards, figure out how to charm them like an exploding snap deck, and sell them."

Her eyes narrowed. "I'd hurt him."

"It's the only reason Ravenclaw still has their eyebrows."

And he'd been distracted for the last week. Exploding Snap study cards was the type of idea he'd have when he was bored. The past few days had been lots of things – exhausting, painful and filled with brooding silences – but boring wasn't one of them. And the funeral for Sirius' uncle and adoptive father had been two days ago; James had gone. Both had come back stone faced and angry, but neither of them had been willing to speak of it. Lily hadn't pushed, but she hadn't seen much of her boyfriend or his wayward best friend, either. Tomorrow, the rest of the school returned from holiday.

"How is he?"

Remus made a helpless motion with one hand, not bothering to ask who 'he' was. "Angry, resentful… guilty. Sirius doesn't blame himself, I think; however, he wishes he could have been there. Alphard was the only one that cared about him for himself – well, except maybe a cousin. But that's it."

"And Regulus." Lily pointed out quietly.

Remus' mouth tightened but then he sighed. "And Regs. Until it all went to hell."

Lily nodded to the food. "You never said with this was for."

"I didn't, did I?"

Suddenly suspicious as Remus pushed open the magically appearing door, Lily braced herself as she walked in behind him. The room had shifted into the warm, familiar lines of the common room, but it looked like she and Remus were the last to make it. Peter grinned at her and waved.

She narrowed her eyes. "I can take at least one of you with me."

Sirius rolled his eyes, which somehow only managed to emphasize how haggard he looked. "Please Evans, while this would certainly be a fabulous place to hide a body, can you imagine what a house elf would say when they found you decomposing?"

Peter snorted. "You mean, how much Remus would bitch once the house elves whined to him about the body. Let's not pretend you have a deep, lasting care for house elves."

James tugged her down next to him on the couch, smiling. "I'd miss you."

"Thanks." She glanced at Remus, who was scowling. "Why the long face?"

"He's just bitter because the only girl he's managed to catch at Hogwarts has floppy ears and bug eyes." Sirius said with a wicked smile. "I think her names Buttons."

Remus narrowed his eyes and reached for the chocolate torte. "Don't be bitter because the house elves have helped keep you out of my chocolate stash."

Sirius pointed a finger at him. "Is that how you did it, you cheat?"

"Did what?" Lily grinned at the blatantly innocent expression on Remus' face. "I have no idea what you are insinuating and am prone to being offended if you continue with your baseless accusations."

Hot breath ghosted over her ear. "If we don't stop them now, they'll keep going for hours. Remus doesn't look it, but he enjoys lording his superior vocabulary over us plebeians."

Lily glanced up at James and shook her head. "Slandering Remus like that, so rude James."

Peter laughed. Then he grinned at her, his expression knowing. "Not telling James where Remus used to do most of his practicing?"

Lily frowned and then rolled her eyes. "How many rounds of patrol did you hide in his pocket?"

"Only a dozen or so, and it was really just a wait to avoid Mrs. Norris," Pete said, eyes dancing. "Remus has this robe with bottomless pockets."

James tugged on her braid. "Ask him about the unfortunate incident with the sugar quill."'

"Ask James about the first trip into the forbidden forest and what he got his antlers stuck in." Peter responded without batting a lash.

"Hey," James protested. "We promised never to speak of it."

"I could have sworn we'd said something similar about the sugar quills." Remus murmured.

Knowing that this particular conversation could go on forever, she nudged James wither elbow. "So what was with all the secrecy?"

Mischief brought out the green of his eyes. "Well, first, we are here to celebrate Remus' accepting the position of being _my_ Steward."

Sirius threw a pillow at him. "You sneaky rat. _ I_ was going to ask _him_."

"Hey," Peter protested. "Don't bring me into this!"

Remus frowned severely. "The position is entirely depending on my N.E.W.T.s, James."

He waved his protest off. "Which we all know you are going to ace. Don't be bitter that Lily's notes are better than yours. Oh, speaking of, Lils, I had this idea…"

Lily poked him in the ribs. Hard. "No. You cannot turn my flash cards into exploding snap. I will hurt you. In ways that you'll never be able to prove."

Sirius waggled his eyebrows. "Promise?"

James threw the cushion back at him. "Second, we are here to honor the life of someone who mattered a great deal to all of us.'

Sirius braced his forearms on his thighs, jaw tightening as he turned to and stared at the fire. James continued undaunted, but his eyes were glued to his best friend. "Fathers, the real ones, are hard impossible to replace. We won't forget, Sirius."

Lily bit her lip, wondering at the hidden context that she could almost see but couldn't understand. Sirius looked hard, James and Peter were solemn and Remus looked weary. Clearly there was more here than they were willing to tell. Maybe some other time, she'd have demanded answers, but James was threading his fingers through hers, and the crackling of the fire in a hidden room at Hogwarts seemed to be the type of honor they would pay to someone they considered one of theirs.

"Andy sent a post." Peter said suddenly, into the silence. Sirius looked up, surprise on his face. "We kept it for you."

"We may have burned others," Remus said apologetically. "We were worried about contamination."

"I hears it's a real problem with mail," Peter agreed. "Specifically, the disease 'stupidity.' Although sometimes I hear that rotting 'blood purity' problem sneaks in occasionally."

Lily smiled. "It okay Pete. My burning charms are some of the best, and I'm pretty sure the only thing that could've made the letters burn hotter would actually have been fiendfyre."

Remus frowned. "Which you wouldn't do."

Peter and Lily glanced at each other and then smiled at Remus. "Of course not."

"That would be irresponsible."

"Or at least, not until we had the motions for the counter course down pat. Which Flitwick won't even teach until a little later in the year, anyway." Lily mentioned. She blinked at the way James started shaking with silent laughter.

"What?"

"I forget, sometimes. That you're such a little rebel." He grinned and tugged on her hair. "First a Misuse of Magic warning and now considering how best to use fiendfyre."

Lily eyed him. "Well, it's easier to learn fiendfyre than it is to learn the counter for it."

Sirius looked up at her, a frown on his face. "Yes, but even Purebloods don't teach the spell to their children until Seventh Year."

"Yes," Lily murmured. "But that doesn't mean it isn't in books."

James suddenly wasn't smiling. "Fiendfyre is dangerous, Lily."

"I know," She said simply. "But not knowing might have been worse."

Peter and Remus exchanged looks before Remus broke the silence. "What exactly where in those books of yours this summer, Lily?"

"Ask me again when we graduate." She leaned back against James, who was still frowning at her, his brows bunched together. Reaching up, she poked him between the eyes. "Stop it. You've tried things that were just as hideously dangerous – or do you actually think I don't know the theory of animagus or just how stupid you were to try it?"

"I'm not sure that's the…" James tried to start but she narrowed her eyes and cut him off.

"How about we ask McGonagall about it?"

Peter cleared his throat, pointedly ignoring the way Sirius was laughing at James' expression. "Actually, Lily, we can't. Tell McGonagall, that is. She'd want us to register, and right now we aren't sure it'd be a good idea."

"You haven't _registered_?"

"Of course not," Sirius said in exasperation. "How would we explain where we got the information? No one is going to be believe that we figured it out on our own."

"Or that James shortened the process." Remus pointed out, his eyes on the ceiling. "Which I am very firmly not thinking about."

Lily closed her jaw with a snap after several heartbeats. "Improved the… _James_!"

He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, shifting uncomfortably. "It's not that big of a deal. I just didn't know you couldn't do certain things… so we did them."

"I have no idea if I want to be impressed or horrified." Lily said finally.

James sat up straight, pushing his glasses back into place, the brown of his eyes catching the fire as his eyes dropped to her mouth. "What would I get if you were impressed?"

Sirius made a gagging noise. "Keep it to yourself, Prongs!"

Without looking up, "You're running a moment here, Padfoot."

"I'm hoping he killed it." Peter said firmly.

"Agreed. Motion to kill moment, passed." Remus declared. "Don't make me dig the hand guide out of wherever Sirius stuffed it. I'm pretty sure Peter wrote the chapter on 'the girl issue' and 'Lily Evans' in particular and we _will_ quote it."

Lily had to clutch at the couch to contain her laughter. Finally, she grinned at them. "Chapter on me, huh?"

Sirius flopped onto his back and threw his arm over his eyes. "Evans, if you had any idea of the torture you were responsible for years…"

"Hours of it." Peter affirmed.

Remus gave her an apologetic look. James was glaring at all of them, his face red. "Traitors."

"So says the man who tried to make out with his girlfriend while the rest of us were trying to eat!" Remus shot back, clutching his hot chocolate to his chest like a shield.

"So why isn't this room on the map?"

Sirius dropped his arm from his eyes. "What?"

Lily waved her hand to encompass the room. "The map. Why isn't this room on it? I've seen the map, and while you know about this room, you clearly left it off. Was it because it moves?"

The boys exchanged looks before Peter shook his head. "Nah. We'd tell you how we made the map, but I don't think you're ready to swear an unbreakable vow to protect our secrets?"

Lily blinked and then frowned. "Why would… you didn't."

"Trust me," Remus said warily. "Sometimes, it's just better not to ask."

James nudged her a little. "That's not the important thing right now."

"Really? Then what is?"

"One day," Sirius said slowly, as if the words were being drawn from him. "There might be kids."

"_Will_ be kids, at least five," James said airily. "I'm to awesome not to pass my genetics down."

"Yeah?" Lily asked. "Let me know how the search for the mother goes."

Remus covered his eyes, letting out a long sigh at the obvious irritation on Lily's face. Without looking, he kicked Peter who jumped and then hurriedly spoke before James could.

"But the point is, we'll obviously, _eventually_ give them the map. And some secrets, you have to find for yourself."

_**Please Comment**_

* * *

><p>Yes. I am aware that canon has Lily attending her sisters wedding with James. And that James and Vernon got into a measuring contest about wealth. Obviously with the changes in story that I have been making, that wasn't going to work.<p>

This chapter was very difficult for me. I hope you enjoyed it.


	8. Hogwarts: Graduation

And writing this chapter took much longer than I expected. Notes are below.

Ravyn

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><p>"Honestly, Evans, if I managed to remember the details about the Goblin Rebellion in 1642, then you did fine."<p>

Lily stopped walking, ignoring the crush of students who were piling out of the enlarged classroom, and glared at Sirius. "It was the rebellion of 1612. And that was on our _O.W.L.s_. Sirius!"

Slinging an arm around her shoulders, he rolled his eyes and steered her where he could see James' head of messy head weaving through the crowd ahead of them. The seating arrangement for their final N.E.W.T. had been erratic, and after the grueling week of testing, they were done. He felt a little giddy.

"Don't be jealous that that I ended up winning _Exploding Snap: History of Magic Edition_ _4_ last night. Especially since you and Pete ended up making an unholy team and cheated at both Potions and Magical Creatures."

Lily elbowed him. "I don't cheat. Don't be bitter because I win by being better at the rules than you. And I still can't believe that you four spent that much time figuring out how to transfer all our combined notes into exploding snap decks!"

"Technically, it wasn't exploding snap, since the cards only exploded when you gave the wrong answer; and we played in teams, versus individual achievements. And how else was I going to remember those ridiculous rebellions or potion cutting techniques?" Sirius said cheerfully as he steered them around a group of pale, wild-eyed 'Claws. "It's really a pity we didn't think of it earlier. Would have saved me hours of unnecessary torture listening to Remus lecturing for our O.W.L.s. And think of how much good it did my practical charm skills! Not that I needed the practice."

Lily glanced up at him and shook her head. Like most of the students, he was rumpled and looked exhausted. Anyone who wasn't fifth or seventh years was giving them wide berth and the number of enterprising students willing to make a steady supply of questionable Pepper Up potions tripled in two weeks. There were rumors that some of the Ravenclaws had even ended up visiting madam Pomfrey because the endless steam pouring out their ears had started to change colors.

"I don't think James is going to forgive you for rigging it so the arthimancy and transfiguration decks exploded regardless of his answers."

"He was getting too smug," Sirius said breezily. "Sleeping in the same room was becoming unbearable."

"We had to set up rules." Lily said as they joined James and Remus. "For a _study _session."

James casually reached over and took her bag, knocking Sirius arm from her shoulders as he did so. "I'm not sure what you expected, Lils."

"Welcome to my world," Remus said, offering her part of a chocolate bar. "If we'd been smart, we would have realized how unholy you and Pete's teamwork was and denied your partnership."

Lily looked around, blinking. "Where is Pete?"

"He'll join us in a minute," James said with a wave, but his eyes scanned the crowd for a moment before meeting Sirius' equally curious gaze. "It's a good thing we planned on staging the intervention today."

"Intervention?" Lily asked, looking up from her chocolate bar, tired eyes narrowing.

Remus swallowed. "Did you realize that in two days, we graduate, Evans?"

"Wait, what?" She blinked stupidly at him, ignoring James' arm dropping heavily against her shoulders as he started steering her to the great hall.

"Two days," James said happily, hand running along her upper arm. "We're free."

Sirius spread his arms, gray eye gleaming. "And no one here is enjoying it."

Peter skidded next to her, breathing heavily and looking a little strained. "What'd I miss?"

"Evans here just realized in two days, we say goodbye to Hogwarts."

"Ah, told her about the intervention then."

"Getting there," James said cheerfully as he pushed her to their spot on the long table, settling his long limbs next to her. "Remus was trying to explain the need for one."

Peter passed Sirius the pumpkin juice and nodded. "Look at everyone, Lily. It's worse than we could possibly imagine."

She blinked stupidly at him and then turned to James, her eyes too-wide. "We have to write speeches. In _two_ days."

James grinned at her, tucking loose hair behind one ear. "Not yet we don't."

Her eyebrows snapped together even as she accepted the plate of sandwiches that Remus was handing her, blindly choosing one to slap down onto her plate. "James..."

Reaching up, he tapped her nose, grin taking on a slightly feral edge. "First, we must plan. Something spectacular that will be remembered for the ages."

"A prank."

Remus looked at her seriously. "Not 'a prank,' Lils, but _The_ Prank. The prank we've practiced, trained and bled for; seven years of preparation in one giant intervention."

Sirius swallowed the giant bite of his sandwich. "The school needs it, Evans. Who are we to deny them?"

Lily poked at her sandwich, scowling at the pile of chips that James dropped on her plate and then blinked at the way she could suddenly feel the eyes of all four of them on her. "What?"

Peter grinned. "Are you in or not?"

James nudged her with his elbow. "You'll have to be there to convince us that we can't make the Slytherin part of the show lame. Because we can."

"Will," Sirius scowled.

"Maybe." Remus denied. Laughing brown eyes met hers. "You know you always wanted to do something ridiculous at least once, Lils."

Lily bit into her sandwich and considered. "For the common good?"

James put his hand to his heart and then let his eyes deliberately roam the exhausted, vacant students that make up the rest of the houses. "For everyone."

Stealing one of his chips, because pilfered food just tasted better, she sighed. "How can a girl resist a cause like that?"

"Here we thought it was James' sad face." Peter teased.

Lily smirked. "No, that's Sirius."

"Hey!"

X

Remus sat next to Lily on the park bench three blocks from her parent's new home and squinted into the too bright sunshine. His head was still pounding after the previous night and it was only years of friendship that had forced him out of bed. No one had thought letting Sirius spend his first weekend post-graduation at his new home alone was a good idea. And now he had the headache to prove it. Rubbing the bridge of his noise, he was thankful that it was quiet.

"Petunia picked this neighborhood?" The place lacked the character of the park from the previous summer, and he didn't think that was entirely her parents doing. Lily had inherited her wicked streak from someone, even if her older sister had missed it entirely.

"Dursley liked it here. Apparently, it's normal. They're big believers in normal." Lily sighed. "Maybe it is my years in the wizarding world, but I just find it boring."

Remus grinned. "I wasn't going to say it. If the houses looked any more similar, I'd think I was in one of those horrible muggle movies Pete loves so much."

"Who knew that it was Pete who was the propagator of your love of horror?"

"I think Sirius dared him, to start. Pete might actually be the bravest of all of us. He kept going back."

Lily laughed, low in the back of her throat. "I already knew that. He's the one who runs with a werewolf as nothing larger than a rat."

Remus blinked and then snorted. "Point. Why are we here Lily?"

"My parents, with great reluctance, have finally agreed to let me hide them under fidelous."

Remus nodded. "You want me to act as the binder."

Lily took a deep breath. "I want you to act as the secret keeper."

Silence hung between them for a moment and Remus turned to face her. "Lily," Remus said slowly. "I don't understand."

Lily's grip on the bench was white knuckled and she took a deep breath. "I know. I need you to keep them safe, Remus. Even from me."

"Is that why you're not asking James?" He asked, slowly. "Because you think they need to be protected from you?"

Her finger reached up to clasp the chain around her neck. "James is pants at keeping secrets from me. The only reason you've still got any secrets is because he _can't_ tell me. Not yet, at least. And I think keeping something like this would hurt him too much."

"But why me?"

"I thought about asking Peter, and while he'd do it, I'm not sure he'd understand."

Remus frowned at her. "Understand what, Lily? Because I have to tell you, sitting here while you try to tell me that you expect your parents to cut you out of their lives… that makes me pretty angry."

Lily reached for his hand, curled her fingers around his and held tightly. The warm brown of his eyes had lightened to something more amber, and she met that wolf bright gaze.

"What it means for your parents to both love you and resent you for something you can't help but be."

Remus went still, lashes lowering to hide his gaze.

"My parents love me. But they've grown to hate and fear my magic. It's so much easier to only deal with Petunia; who's normal, than me; who is a witch. And I think right now, they want easy."

Remus continued to frown, the patience in his voice an odd contrast to the anger behind his eyes. "Parent's don't always accept the easy way out, Lily."

"I know." Her hands fluttered as she visibly searched for the words. "But my parents... Petunia, they want nothing more than to be separate from the wizarding world. _Completely _separate."

"And then what, Lily? What then?" She looked pale in the sunshine, her green eyes too-wide.

"I don't know." Her breath hitched, and underneath that determination was anger and a great deal of hurt. "But I need someone I can trust to keep them safe. And I don't want them to be used."

"Lily?"

Squaring her shoulders, she took a deep breath.

"They don't want me anymore."

She swallowed, visibly forcing down her emotions. "They've made it clear that it doesn't matter what I do, or how much I give to protect them, the only way my being in their lives is acceptable is if I leave my magic behind."

"And you want me to protect them."

Lily winced at the flat tone in his voice but held his gaze. "Yes. But Remus, that's _all _I ask. For you to keep their secret, to hide them, no matter what they wish in the future."

Remus jaw worked and he looked always, finally speaking after several long moments. "You can't always know that will be what you want. People make mistakes. You _cannot_ know that you will always want to be lost to them."

"Why not?" She flung out her hand, anger making her words brittle. "Do you think _I'm_ not angry? I might understand their reasons and I love them, but Remus; they gave me an ultimatum. My magic or them. And it was given as a _gift_. As if I should be thankful they were willing to offer, as if I hadn't spent the last two years sweating, and bleeding and fighting for _them_."

"You said they're scared." Remus tried, but the words tasted like dust as he said them.

"I'm bloody terrified!" She lunged to get feet, hands fisting at her side, magic sparking between them at the force of her anger. "There is a mad man bent on killing anything that doesn't fit into his world view of power; I'm automatically a target because I'm from a non-magical family. My childhood best friend could try to kill me at any moment. And all I've wanted to do _was talk to my mom_!" She sat down with a thump and covered her face with her hands.

Remus pressed his shoulder to hers and waited. It was obvious she was hurting a lot more than she was willing to talk about. He wondered if this explained the expression James had worn for days, and the jittery energy she'd used to hide the worn expression behind her eyes at graduation.

"Lils."

She made a noise in the back and of her throat, and when she lifted her face from her hands, her eyes were dry but exhausted.

"I've gone and fallen in love with a brilliant, insane wizard who is too loyal and too brave for my sanity."

Remus blinked at the sudden shift in conversation. Nudging her with his shoulder, he willed her to meet his gaze. "That's good. Considering he's been mad for you for ages."

She bit her lip, hesitated, and then reached up, pulling the chain around her neck free from her shirt. Remus stared blankly at the ring hanging from it. He didn't know much about jewelry, but the ring looked old. The sides were twisted in some elegant filigree that looked far more delicate than he imagined it was and the old diamond gleamed next to smaller, carefully placed emeralds. The family magic made his eyes cross if he stared at it for too long.

"He asked me to marry him, Remus."

Remus cleared his throat. "I'm assuming you answered James?"

Lily groaned. "I told him I needed think about it. And he insisted I keep the ring while I do it, as if I'd forget what it looked like."

"Well," Remus said with gallows humor. "The last week now makes more sense."

"What?"

"You might not want to know the details."

"Remus." She stared at him with wide, uncertain eyes. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Well, I guess that depends on what you want." Remus said carefully. "Do you _want _to marry James, Evans?"

"He terrifies me." Lily whispered. "This thing between us is so strong. I'd fight anything to keep him and I'd miss him more than my magic if he was gone."

Remus' expression tightened. "You said your parents wanted you to choose between your magic and them. Do they know about James?"

She shrugged helplessly. "I don't know. I want them too, I wrote about him. But did they read them? And would it matter? I'm only eighteen, Remus. My parents didn't marry until later. I'm not certain that giving their blessing to Petunia wasn't some sort of guilt ridden apology for me."

"Marrying young isn't uncommon among wizards," Remus said slowly. "Our life expectancy is longer than muggles, and children are encouraged if not expected. But we both know that James would rather cut off his arm than pressure you into anything."

"I know." She made a helpless gesture with her hands. "He was very adamant that he was proposing because he wanted to marry me. Not because my life is such a mess."

Remus touched her shoulder. "Then why?"

"Do you know how terrifying it is to have everything you've ever wanted staring at you in the face - and knowing, _knowing _that you're not enough for it?" She jumped to get feet again and paced. "No one has ever stood with me like he has. No one. My parents are waiting for me to give up part of my soul or pieces of my heart. My sister had already cut me out of hers. Snape picked a power hungry sociopath over me. Some part of me is just waiting for James to realize whatever failing that they've already seen. And it'll ravage me."

Remus blew out a breath. "Have you told James this?"

Lily snorted, shoving her hands into her hair in frustration. "I tried. I get as far as 'are you sure' and he gets so angry."

Remus winced a little. "Well…"

Lily cut him off. "He's not mad at _me_! He's mad at Snape. My parents. Pet. I had to put him in a full body bind to stop him from turning Petunia into something hideous!"

"That sounds like James." Remus admitted.

Lily dropped heavily to the bench. "Now think about what he'd do if he was the secret keeper for my family."

Remus glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "You think I'll be better?"

"I'm _hoping _you'll be better; I'm not expecting miracles. Dumbledore would have done it if I asked, but then he'd also gently pressure me into a reconciliation. There is always the chance that any child or grandchild of Pet's could have magic." She scrubbed her face. "And I'm not sure I'll forgive them for making me choose between them and James without ever having met him. I'm so angry Remus."

She blinked back sudden tears, face going red with her frustration. "They've looked forward to my graduation for years, and when I'm Head Girl, they don't come."

"I saw Momma P in the spot for your family."

Lily groaned. "Have you ever met a man so ridiculous? James insisted that he only needed one parent, really; and that I could have the weepy one."

"Lily," Remus said finally. "I can tell you at that he isn't going to change his mind. Once he decides on something, all the magic in the world won't move him. It makes him the most amazing and horrifying person I've ever met in my life. And we are both acquaintances of Dumbledore's."

"Pete told me about the conversation where he let you in on the fact that you were going to be his friend."

"That conversation is going to haunt me for the rest of my life," Remus grumped, but he was smiling a little.

"I love him Remus," Lily said so softly, but the expression on her face was luminous. "I'd cross any line to keep him safe. I've never had someone pick me before. And he's so stubborn about it."

"Then why are your hesitating?"

"Because I'm allowed." Lily muttered. "Because I'm eighteen years old, starting an apprenticeship for my masters that is entirely based on N.E.W.T.s scores I haven't seen yet; my mad scientist of a boyfriend wants to get married. And I can't hold together a relationship with my parents."

Remus grinned. "Under those conditions, I might be a little crazy too."

Lily glared at him before rolling her eyes with a sigh. "Am I being neurotic?"

"I think you're trying to be sensible when everything around you is moving really fast." Remus shook his head, shoving his bangs out of his eyes. "I know what the feels like."

"How did that turn out for you?"

"I ended up with three brothers risked their lives to learn how to become animagus illegally." Remus said, his voice full of amused resignation. "Whatever you decide to do about James, Lily, I'd strongly recommend making your choice soon. He only _likes _me. Think about what sort of scheme he'd make given time to convince you."

Lily groaned but couldn't quite hid the faint smile that curved her lips. "I don't know if I'm curious or horrified."

"Let's both be horrified." Remus said firmly. Then he reached over and curled his fingers around hers. "I'll be your secret keeper."

She swallowed and looked at him. "Thank you."

He shook his head. "I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing it for you and James. We don't know what is going to happen in the next few years, and your family... They could be used against you. You said it yourself, Dumbledore would want you to reconcile with them. Snape would use them as leverage."

"What do you want, Remus?"

His eyes were wolf bright when he looked at her. "I want you to be happy. And that requires them to be safe. But it might be beyond me to let them hurt you again, Lily."

She squeezed his hand. "We will cross that bridge when it happens. I won't say that it won't hurt me to lose them, and I won't regret it, but knowing they are as safe as we can make them... It helps."

He nodded and stood, waving his hand in the direction of the nearby houses. "After you."

Swallowing, she nodded. "Thank you, Remus."

X

Lily looked around the room and swiped her hands through her sweaty bangs with a sigh. She'd spent the day rearranging furniture and helping Peter enlarge the living space and kitchen. Those spells were tricky, and fairly draining, but more than worth the extra counter space. Finding a flat in muggle London had taken far less time than she had thought, but she also suspected that Peter had been looking far longer than he had alleged when he discussed the possibility of sharing a place after graduation.

It was hard to believe that graduation was only a week behind her. Pressing her lips tightly together, she ran her fingers over the quilt on her bed, one of the few things her mother had given her before she'd hidden them. She couldn't remember who she'd asked to hide them, couldn't put together the pieces of her memory to recall where they were; but the knot of worry that had been lodged in her chest for too long was gone.

Instead, she was just tired.

Peter stuck his head around the corner. He was grinning, face smudged with dust and sweat. "I'm starving. Want me to grab you food?"

"What were you thinking?" Now that she was flat on her back, getting back up seemed like an impossible goal. Peter opened his mouth and then paused, taking in her room.

"I like the colors."

Lily grinned tiredly at him. Finding furniture had been easy. Muggle consignment shops and secondhand stores meant they could buy things on the cheap and a simple repario fixed whatever damage there was. They were limited to the number of changes they could make, muggle furniture could be overstretched, but as they had been careful. Her walls were now a nice, calming blue instead of the plain, dull white they had been and her bedframe a cheerful cherry.

"Me too. Indian?"

Peter made a face. "Pizza?"

Lily laughed and shooed him. "Just bring me back something without anchovies, okay?"

"Sure thing!" He went to duck and then paused, grinning over his shoulder. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too, Pete. Me too."

Lily waited until she heard the door shut before allowing herself to collapse back onto the bed, staring up at her ceiling. She wasn't a fan of the sudden silence. It was one reason she'd agreed to move in with Pete, even if it was just a temporary measure while she tried to figure out what she needed to do.

Swallowing, she reached up and curled her fingers around her necklace, fingers going to ring that was warm from her skin. It'd been a week since she'd seen James. She hadn't been actively avoiding him, but everything had been such a whirlwind since graduation. When Peter had approached her post-graduation about being a temporary roommate, she'd said yes before she had really thought it through. But having space, having her own space, to be able to think things through was important.

She was cut off from her family. She was still reeling from that, knowing that their previous conversation was the last. The gut punch it had been when they had slid over the bank documents, the rigid, frozen look in her father's eyes when he explained that her grandparents had left her the money to pay for University. The disappointment in her mother's face when she told her that they didn't expect that to happen, and that the money was hers regardless.

Rolling onto her side, she squeezed her eyes shut. She knew her parents cared for her. The way her mother's hands had trembled as she slid over the documents on the account, the way her father had quietly asked her if she was happy. But they wouldn't accept her magic. Not anymore. And they didn't even know the real danger that left her wide awake and pacing since graduation.

At least they'd let her make a few simple, careful repairs to their roof and some of their furniture before they'd cut themselves off. And as much as she hated to admit it, the money would give her a chance to make ends meet until her apprenticeship started to generate an income. Even worse, was the acknowledgement in the back of her mind that now she wouldn't be dependent on James for help. She had been terrified that she'd accept his proposal as a way to protect herself. Now, accepting his proposal was something she would want, not something she had to do to survive.

And she hated that she'd been in that position at all.

"Hey there."

Lily rolled across the bed, heart pounding at the sudden, unexpected interruption. James was leaning against her door jamb, hands shoved into his pockets as he watched her. She swallowed at the expression behind his eyes.

"Hi."

He didn't move to step into her room, but his eyes drifted over her things, taking in her decorations. "I like the blue."

"Thanks."

His mouth curled just a little before straightening out again. "I thought I'd swing by. Pete said you've been busy."

"I have." Lily traced the way he stood, leaning against the door jamb and wondered what he was thinking. A week wasn't a long time, but it felt like it. Unexplainable, unexpected knots twisted up her stomach and she pushed herself into a sitting position. This was James - her best friend and the man she was ridiculously in love with. Being nervous was ridiculous, even for her. She wasn't certain she was ready for this conversation, but she definitely wasn't ready for it in her bedroom; unfortunately, she also owed him an explanation.

She stood up, "Would you like some tea?"

If she made it the muggle way, it'd give her hands something to do while she tried to get her thoughts together. And it would get them safely into the kitchen, where hopefully she'd feel less exposed. Her room might be mostly bare right then, but it was hers and letting him stand in her space that was so personal felt too intimate for her raw nerves.

James paused a moment too long before nodding, "Tea sounds great, thanks."

He stepped aside from the door, slightly into her room. Lily walked right past him as she exited, but he very carefully didn't physically crowd her space. Glancing up as she slid by, she swallowed at the way he was watching her from behind his glasses. James Potter's concentration could be unnerving, but with his ring bouncing against her breastbone, she felt unexpectedly flushed.

"We don't have much yet," she forced herself to say cheerfully, as she walked a little too quickly into the kitchen. "We're still working on getting all the essentials."

"Chocolate?" James inquired mildly, leaning against the wall and watching her.

"…chocolate, yes." She slid her eyes over as she flicked open a cabinet, wondering where he was going with this. It had actually been one of the first things she'd bought when she and Pete had gone to the little corner store. She'd been surprised at how something as little as hiding her good chocolate had helped her steady. "We've got a small emergency supply in the back cupboard."

"I mean I should have brought some," James said. "As a housewarming present."

_You know, if I'd known there was to be a housewarming._

_Shit_. Blowing out a breath, she put the kettle on the stovetop and turned it on carefully. "We haven't exactly sent out housewarming invitations," she said lamely, and she was fully aware of how thin this excuse sounded. "It's not like we're having a 'welcome to our new apartment' party."

"Maybe you should," James said.

"Maybe," she said finally, before straightening her shoulders and turning to face him. His face was set into careful neutral lines and she rested her hip against the counter as she tried to read him. "But we haven't had a chance to talk to the people we think are too important to hear about the apartment from a letter."

He made a noncommittal noise and she sighed.

"How did you find out?"

"Pete." James said with a shrug as he finally mimicked her stance, leaning back against the extended counter. "He sent me a note this morning saying that you hadn't seemed yourself and had we had a fight he wasn't aware of?"

Lily nodded and sighed, running her hands from her bangs. Pulling a face, she made a motion with her right hand. "I was going to write you tomorrow, to ask you if we could catch up. I'm sorry you had to hear about this from Pete."

He was quiet for several moments before he nodded. "Thank you. Why did I hear about it from Pete?"

"Honestly, my reasons sounded way better in my head. Before you showed up." She pulled a face and shoved her bangs out of her eyes. No place but to start from the beginning. "Pete asked me the day after graduation; you'd already left with Sirius. I said yes. Obviously, I went home after that. That weekend was..." she shook her head.

James frowned. "You should have written. I would've come and gotten you."

"I know. But it was important that I try... I don't want you to fight battles for me, James." She squared her shoulders and met his gaze head on. "It's important to me."

His eyes narrowed behind his glasses and he pushed away from the counter. "I'll admit, I don't like letting you deal with your problems alone, we're a team, remember? But when was the last time I took something over?"

Lily blew out a breath. "James... my family; I put them under fidelous."

"Good. I know how much you worried about them, even I'm not sure they deserve it."

She licked her lips as her fingers curled into fists. "I'm not the secret keeper."

James stilled, eyes widening behind his glasses. "Lils..."

She shook her head as he took another step toward her, eyes burning against the sudden unexpected rush of tears. She'd thought she was done crying about this. "They... they wanted me to choose between them and magic."

He ignored her protest and crossed the room in two strides, pulling her to him. Lily pressed her face against his chest and breathed in the familiar scent of magic that was just James. Curling her fingers into his jumper, she swallowed hard. "They wanted me to pick them or _you_."

His hands tightened on her back and he cursed under his breath. "I would never have asked that of you."

"I know. Merlin, I know James. But they don't understand. And I couldn't make them." She shook her head against him. "This apartment, Pete, they gave me something to do so I could think. It... It doesn't help that I'm terrified that I'll tell you yes for any reason other than the fact that I love you."

"I'm not."

"That's because _you're _crazy."

He ran his fingers through her hair, laughing against her temple. "It's because I know you. You've never let anyone push you into anything in your life. It took me _years _to even get you to look at me. And we both know if I hadn't started to grow up that summer before sixth year, and spent an entire year demonstrating my new maturity; you'd have never asked for help on the train home."

Lily pulled back, her cheeks flushed. "James..."

He dragged knuckles down her hot cheek. "Do you want to marry me, Lily Evans?"

"Yes."

"Then what is holding you back?"

She bit her bottom lip before it could tremble and swallowed. "I'm terrified."

"Of what? Us?"

"Of _losing _us." She whispered. "But not having you might be worse. I can't hold my family together, the most important relationships of my childhood are gone and there is a war brewing. I'm eighteen years old. How are we supposed to _make _these decisions?"

Lifting his hands, he cupped her cheeks between his long fingers. "We hope for the best. I'm not saying that the future isn't scary, Lils; we just can't let it rule us. And I trust you. If I have ever trusted anyone in my life, Lily Evans, it is you. I understand that you're worried, because I am too. But _hell _if I'm going to let some blood bigot or anyone else tell me that you aren't worth it."

"James..."

"But instead of worrying about fighting alone, Lils, fight _with _me. We're a team, remember?" He reached down and ran his fingers along the chain around her neck. "Marry me."

Swallowing, she reached up and touched his jaw, feeling the familiar line of bone. "You're sure? Because if you change your mind and break my heart, I'll... I'll do something horrible."

Laughing, he pressed his forehead to hers. "I think I've proven by now that I'm not changing my mind. If you're not ready now, then I'll wait. But I'm really hoping you won't keep me waiting forever, because I'm really not sure after almost five years what more I need to do to prove..."

She curled her fingers into the wild length of his hair, pressed her mouth hard against his. Pulling back just as his hands fisted in her hair, she swallowed at the heat behind his eyes. "Yes."

He paused, clearly startled and then the heat behind his eyes turned into a blaze. Hand sliding down her back, he hooked her around the waist and pulled her flush against his chest. "No take backs."

Lily let herself go loose and warm against him, curling her arms around his shoulders as she smiled at him. "I love you, James Charles Potter. And nothing would make me happier than to be your wife."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Please Comment.<strong>_

This chapter was kind of painful to write. I had to wrap up Hogwarts; which I am excited to do, but still, figuring out how to go about it was difficult. According to JK, this was a summer of much change. Reflecting that in three scenes took me much longer than expected.

First, JK wants us to assume that Lily's parents died sometime before Voldemort kills James and Lily. But we aren't given any details. Makes more sense to me that they would still be alive, but completely hidden from the wizarding world, and that they have no involvement with Harry. It's easy enough to arrange for Dudley to visit them without him. Why not hide Petunia as well? I honestly think that this point there is so much animosity between the sisters, that Petunia would never allow magic to protect them. She didn't have much choice where Dumbledore was concerned, and we all know how well she handled that.

Second, I wanted to show the bonds between Remus and Lily. They are both rejected for things they cannot help, or change, and I felt that would be an important part of their friendship. Third, it was important to show that both James and Lily are committed to each other and their thought processes.


	9. Godric's Hollow

I apologize for any grammatical errors now. Most of my writing time comes in the half hour bus ride to work and the half hour bus ride home from work. I'm not the world's fastest writer on my phone, and I'm pretty sure I don't have to bemoan the iPhone autocorrect.

* * *

><p>Peter looked exhausted.<p>

Lily bit her bottom lip as she automatically moved the mashed potatoes in front of Remus. The last few months had been brutal on all of them, but Peter looked ragged. More so than the past six months could account for.

Glancing at James, she held her tongue when he shook his head. He was worried too, had spent half the previous night pacing their bedroom. Curling her fingers in her lap, she ran her thumb against the solid weight of her wedding band. Nearly a year into her marriage and the heavy band still grounded her. Marrying James had been wonderful, being married was complicated and messy.

The first six months has been near perfect as they moved into the cottage at Godric's Hollow. The cottage was one of the smaller Potter properties, but neither one of them had accumulated enough things to really make it necessary for more space. It also has the benefit of being relatively unknown outside of the family, which gave them a chance to be Lily and James, not Lord and Lady Potter.

It took two months to wrangle the cottage into shape. The roof had needed minor repairs that Remus and Peter had finally finished after an afternoon of watching James and Sirius attempt it. They were brilliant wizards but terrible carpenters. She'd spent most of that day cleaning out the garden, avoiding the ridiculousness that was occurring on her roof; debating ward schemes with Remus and letting Peter talk her out of planting a flower garden.

_'I took herbology with you for seven years. I'll plant you the hardiest herbs available, and this time next year they'll mostly be dead! No flowers!'_

There'd been a disaster of an afternoon attempting to teach everyone the finer points of muggle painting. Lily couldn't remember a day where she'd laughed so hard. Especially once Remus had started a paint war; then proceeded to win. She'd finally agreed to use spells to change the colors of the walls and cleaning spells were surprisingly a specialty of the guys. Sirius had laughed at her.

_'The point of pranking is to not get caught; which means no evidence!'_

There'd been quiet days. Lazy Sunday mornings spent sprawled out in their back yard, making plans. Dreaming. Long nights after a grueling day of charms work with her husband's talented hands and even more gifted mouth. Their first argument as a married couple that'd finally ended after a twenty-four hour stalemate with James recruiting the others to turn her house into a botanical garden. And a note tucked into the messenger box they'd used to exchange messages a little over a year previously.

_'I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I'm still not sure who is right, but I was an arse. Forgive me.' - J_

Lily adored Godric's Hollow.

Originally, they had planned to stay in Godric's Hollow until she completed her Charms Mastery. Flitwick was certain she'd breeze through the work, although her current project was doing anything but progressing. But her frustrations just seemed to delight the diminutive professor, who insisted that it wasn't a lack of talent but a matter of scoop. And that she'd get there. James just grinned at her and emphasized why he decided to put off working on a Mastery with McGonagall (although Lily was certain if James hadn't locked the process into the Marauders Grimoire, he had been given a Mastery on his work for the animagus transformation alone).

Then James parents passed unexpectedly.

Healers had done all they could, but they were older by Wizarding standards and magic couldn't heal everything. The blow had rocked her husband, the parents he'd adored, just... gone. Lily had loved Dora and Charles fiercely and their loss was somehow so much worse than her parents. That first month had been awful. James had thrown himself into managing the Potter affairs and Lily had spent a month worrying herself thin before she'd called in backup. She had no idea what the boys had done with James that weekend, but he came home James; quieter, and somehow, more fierce in how he cared about those around him, but James.

Then Orion Black passed. Sirius had no love of his father, but it'd been a shock. He'd shown up, bleary eyed and piss drunk.

"Shouldn't have been surprise," Sirius said at the time, eyes wild. "The Black family dies young."

Remus had glared at him, the wolf bleeding into his gaze; the full moon two nights out. "Don't be stupid, and you'll make it long enough to wish you were as good looking as me in your old age."

Sirius had blinked and looked away, face drawn. Peter had sighed heavily, shaking his head.

"We all know I'm the pretty one. But I'll try not to draw all the attention away from your wrinkled arse when it happens."

Visits from any of the boys had been sporadic after that. Remus was around, but she rarely managed more than a wave as he and James buried themselves in the running of the Potter Estate. Sirius was obligated to stay in morning for his father, under Regulus' dictation. But even Sirius too was busy with muddling through the records of what Alphard had left him to do more than brood.

And Pete. Lily knew that Pete had agreed to help Dumbledore in whatever it was that he was doing to raise resistance against Voldemort. She and James had received invitations to the same organization through Fawkes. But after two days of heavy discussion, they'd both agreed neither of them were prepared for that kind of role. James was filling his father's shoes in the Wizamont, and even with his youth, he was being heard. It helped that Frank Longbottom had decided to remind people of their old alliance.

"The House of Longbottom is formidable," James had told her as they unwound near the fire, hands in her hair. "Our alliance is old."

Lily shifted, relaxing comfortably against the length of him. She liked this couch, even if Sirius complained that was it too narrow. Resting her cheek against the firm muscle of his chest, she sighed. "I didn't know you and Frank were friends."

"We were friendly in school. Two years was a larger distance then than it is now. I like him. He's solid, and his views mesh well with ours. Renewing the alliance was smart. And don't let his affable face fool you, he's one of Mad Eye Moody's protégés. He wiped the floor with me when we dueled today."

Lily lifted a brow. "Really?"

"He's good. He's agreed to weekly visits. I could use the practice. I imagine it won't be long before the others are involved."

Lily touched his jaw with her fingertips. "Would it bother you if I joined?"

James considered it and shook his head. "No. Alice, Frank's wife will probably join as well. And you're a dirty dueler."

Lily shrugged. "I was taught to duel to win. Snape knows my tricks though, so learning new ones is a good idea."

So now they dueled with Frank and Alice Longbottom once a week. The others joined when they could, and sometimes she saw Frank shake his head in disbelief at the sheer destruction the Marauders were capable of together.

"Moody would have loved to have them," Frank had quietly told her once. "They always have five plans of attack and two exist strategies in any situation; I'm not sure James and Sirius even require words to outline a strategy."

Mad Eye Moody's favorite student thought her husband was brilliant in a duel. And while they had turned Dumbledore down to outright join his resistance, she felt deep in her gut that one day that would change.

Because Pete had said yes.

"Someone needs to know what's being done," he'd pointed out to James. "You and Sirius, you're putting pressure on Old Voldy politically. He has to know that you'll never vote for some of the measures that have been hinted at in the pure blood circles; that'll carry weight with some of the more traditional sects, if not the blood purists. Dumbledore keeps too many cards close to his chest. And he has a point, as careful as he is, eventually the death eaters will manage to get a spy in their ranks."

Pete had some sort of oath that was supposed to keep him from discussing what was going on with the resistance group, but the previous oath the marauders had taken circumvented most of it. And that worried Lily. Because if a group of 5th years, brilliant through they were, could manage to find a work around whatever oath Dumbledore was using, then she didn't doubt Voldemort could as well. She'd taken the Marauder's oath the day she married James, and they'd been filling her in one things as they came up (the grimoire they'd completed was brilliant). Which was why she needed her Charms Mastery project to be completed, and soon.

But tonight was supposed to give everyone a chance to relax. To laugh. And she was staring at the mashed potatoes like a lifeline. Lifting her gaze to James, silently implored him for help.

But it was Sirius who broke the silence.

"Pete, you look terrible."

Scowling, Peter shoved a forkful of beef into his mouth and chewed. Always smaller than the others, he was moving from slender to thin. Lily worried about him. He'd added another couple inches to his height, which put him just at her eye level – the pudgy, timid boy from first and second year was long gone.

"Thank you."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're welcome. Now tell why you're worried."

"Or what has Dumbledore worried and has _you_ in knots." James offered.

"Dumbledore is always worried." Peter said slowly. He set his mouth in a grim line and then looked up. There was something in his gaze that chilled Lily.

"The Death Eaters are trying to recruit me to play spy. Dumbledore wants me to accept and spy on them instead."

Silence filled the small dining area as everyone absorbed the news. Then everyone started talking at once.

"No."

"You aren't considering..."

"But, Pete!"

"Are you insane?"

Peter looked at Remus and held his wolf bright gaze. "If I don't, who will?"

Lily squeezed James hand so hard she heard something pop. "Peter... They'd want you to take the mark. I've told you what I think he's done to the protean charm, how he's perverted it based on what information we have. If I'm right, you'd be linked to him. Until one of you dies."

He swallowed and squared his shoulders. "I have to assume that, but I don't know. Voldy has to know that Dumbledore would check for that. And marking a spy does no good. Easier to be caught."

Sirius sneered. "Because Dumbledore did such a good job of keeping the dark mark out of the school."

James studied him and clenched his jaw tightly for a moment before speaking. "You're determined to do this."

Peter curled the hand resting on the table into a fist and swallowed. "I found a family two nights ago. Muggles. They'd been slaughtered. The Aurors weren't far behind me, but when they arrived they just cleaned it up. They obliviated everyone non-magical and then left. But no one notices a rat, so they didn't notice me. There were children in that house. Two of them. They hadn't died first."

Lily reached over and pressed her free hand to his. "What's Dumbledore's plan? How are... Why are they recruiting you?"

Peter gave a shaky laugh and rubbed his palms over his face. "They've been trying to recruit me since Fifth Year. I'm always seen as the weak link."

Lily snorted, shaking her head. "That's stupid of them. But why did you let them?"

Sirius clenched his jaw. "Because Pete asked us to."

Pete opened both his hands, showing his palms and shrugging. "They worked on an obvious weakness. It gave us time to shore up the real ones."

"And now you want to use that to spy." James said, his tone strangely flat but his eyes were over bright.

"Yes." Peter nodded. "I am. I will. Things are bad, Prongs, but they'll get worse. He's made deals with some of the werewolves... How long until the worst of them start attacking witches and wizards? Many believe it's just a matter of time before he has alliances with vampires or the giants. We need information. I'll be careful, as careful as I can. But what I'm afraid of is that he's really after information about you."

James frowned, fingers tightening against Lily's grip. "Why?"

Remus looked grim. "I told you that opposing that last bill from Malfoy was going to draw attention."

James shrugged, uncaring. "The day I allow that slimy arse to push a bill about controlling werewolves into law is the day I take up knitting."

Sirius frowned, eyes narrowed in thought. "Yes, but you won."

Peter nodded wearily. "Everyone was surprised, and we think that it might be why he's having difficulty bringing some of the more moderate packs into line. You fought and won for them."

James snorted. "I haven't changed anything yet, I just kept it from getting worse."

"But that means something to them." Remus said quietly. "Does Dumbledore think that Voldemort was behind the bill?"

"There is no confirmation that any of the Malfoy family has taken the dark mark." Peter said. "But..."

"But Sev did." Lily said softly. "And Lucius Malfoy was something of a mentor to him."

Sirius smiled bitterly. "Regulus has one."

"You're certain." Remus asked.

"Positive. And Malfoy is too much of a pretentious arse to let the Black family beat him in this too. And there is no doubt Lucius is involved."

Peter nodded. "You're going to be a target, James... Lils. You're too public about opposing him and your family has a history of fighting Dark Lords. With so many being killed, they need someone to rally around. Dumbledore isn't willing to be in the open, not yet."

"Not to mention that Lily is a muggle born Head Girl and James married her." Remus said quietly. "I know people are already speculating about me. I don't know why Snape hasn't let it leak yet."

James lifted her hand to his mouth, holding it there for a moment. "Lily and I... We will discuss it in a moment. But first, what is Dumbledore's plan Pete. If you go in, how does he intend to protect you?"

Peter shook his head. "Right now it's just an idea to him. I haven't told him how serious they are about recruiting me. They want an in to how you think James. I don't know why he's fixated on you, but you need to be careful."

Sirius growled, shoving his hands through his hair. "I thought Dumbledore was smarter than this. Hinging everything on one man he knows so little about. He doesn't know what you are capable of Peter, he thinks you're a tool. And he'd send you to spy."

"He needs information..." Peter said carefully. "We don't know nearly enough about what is going on. He's concerned for me, of course, but he thinks the risks are worth it. I don't think he's careless with people, but I do think he gets too worried about the big picture."

Lily chewed on her lip. "He thinks they can be redeemed? The Death Eaters... they torture children!"

Remus closed his eyes. "Sometimes second chances are all a person needs. Some of them might not have understood the consequences when they joined. Some of them _are_ children."

James blew out a breath. "We've all benefitted from his belief in second chances." He stared hard at Sirius. "But I can't agree with him on this. Boyhood stupidity and lack of realizing consequences is one thing, but murder is another. And that's what it takes to have a dark mark. If they are filled with doubts, why haven't they gone to Dumbledore for help?"

Peter shook his head. "You'll never convince Dumbledore that they are beyond redemption. All it'll take is one broken, remorseful Death Eater who's willing to swear a vow of secrecy and we'll have a mole in the ranks. Oaths are avoidable, as we've learned, if you have something in place before."

"So what," Remus asked with disbelief. "You'll do it first? Slid into the Dark Lords ranks and give bits and pieces of information and hope it's enough?"

"Yes." He looked at his friends. "Everyone overlooks a rat. And everyone thinks I'm weak. They see what they want to see. And if he is going to target us, we need to know!"

"You are not going to try to join the death eaters without a plan." Sirius said flatly. "A careful one."

Lily closed her eyes and made a choice. "Snape is a legilimens. A very good one. I'd imagine that Voldemort is as well, so any plan, any discussion had best be hidden under our vows."

When she opened her eyes, they were all staring at her. She compressed her lips and looked at Pete. "I'll have a full list of all the spells that he's created, as well as their counters to you by tomorrow. Some of them are nasty. I'm sure he's made more. Do not eat or drink anything while you are with the death eaters. He's brilliant at Potions. Rumor has it he's on track to have his Mastery in half the usual time."

Remus looked resigned. "There aren't that many legilimens. I doubt Voldemort would want to make it common knowledge of what Snape can do."

Lily smiled grimly. "Snape knows that I'm aware of his skills. He'll be cautious, but his temper is cold. Do not underestimate him. He plans for the long term and is willing to sacrifice anything for those goals."

Sirius stared at her and slowly nodded. "He's the very last thing I want to respect, but I'm not so prideful as to die by it. Your certain he's a threat, so we'll act accordingly. But if he attacks you, Lily, James is going to have to be fast with his wand to kill him before I do."

Lily shook her head. "I'll brook no threat against my family, Sirius, so you'd have to be faster than me."

Peter sighed. "Dumbledore has instructed no lethal curses. So have the Aurors."

Remus narrowed his eyes. "You'd better let Dumbledore know that won't fly with us. If any of them try to attack, we'll hit back harder."

"Lily and I are moving." James said jarringly into the silence of the room.

Sirius looked up, eyes glinting. "Where?"

"Potter Manor."

Remus frowned, hesitated, and finally spoke. "Are you going to be comfortable there?"

The place his parents had lived. Had died. The beautiful, heavily warded manor James had been avoiding for weeks.

"No," he said flatly. "But it'll be worse if you lot aren't there to help us rearrange."

Peter glowered at him over a forkful of green-beans. "Didn't we just finish this one?"

Lily fought down a smile. "Yes. But... Well, we had intended to turn this place into a safe house of sorts. Hide it under the fidelous so that everyone had a place to run. The manor is unplottable and protected by family magic, but we're going to hide it too."

"The fidelous... A lot of people know where the manor is Lily."

Lily shook her head. "I'm... Yes. It's hard to hide something like that under the fidelous. It's too public. I working on something else. It's my charms mastery project. If it works, then we won't need the fidelous there."

"Will you be safe in the meantime?"

James gave a grim smile. "Yes."

"Are you sure you can't stay here?" Sirius asked, eyes worried. "Under fidelous you'd be safe."

"No." James said firmly. "We are not hiding. Not yet. Voldemort isn't the first dark lord my family has fought against, and the wards have never been breached. We'll be careful, but we need a place where we can plan. And Peter needs a safe place to rest and hide."

Peter blinked and then his eyes narrowed. "The same concept we had for Lily last year? He'd notice a portkey. I know there are spells that can hinder them."

James shook his head. "I don't know. We will have to figure something out, but we will. We just need to finish the perimeter..."

The sound of something crashing into the garden brought everyone out of their seat. For a moment, there was silence and then someone started screaming. Lily pulled her wand out from her pocket, close to James' heels as he pushed open the door. Muttering a shielding spell as they spilled out of the cottage, she squinted as Remus sent a glowing ball of light into the garden.

There was a prone, shapeless body wrapped in a dark cloak that was clearly injured. Standing next to him, palms out was a wounded, filthy house elf. Lily couldn't tell if the blood was his or if it belonged to the motionless figure on the ground. But what was horrifying, and had her clenching her fingers tightly around her wand was the gaunt, pale, skeleton-like creature that was reaching for the house elf. But whatever the elf was doing, he was managing to keep it from closing the distance between them.

"Dear Merlin," Remus breathed. "That's an inferni."

Sirius suddenly made a pained, furious sound from the back of his throat and lurched forward. Remus grabbed his arm and Sirius shook him off, violently.

"That's Kreacher."

Lily went cold. The figure the inferni was trying to reach was Regulus? "We need fire. I'll shield the house elf and... Whoever he is with. You four burn it."

Sirius nodded, motions jerky as he raised his wand. "On three."

Lifting her wand, Lily very cast the strongest shield charm she knew, locking her teeth together to hold it. Then suddenly, the garden was filled with fire. It shoved against her shield, pressed into all the open spaces and burned everything down to the dirt. When it was over, the only thing that was untouched were the two figures huddled together.

Lily broke into a run.

"No!" Kreacher croaked. "No mudblood shall touch Master!"

Sirius snarled at him. "Move and be silent."

Kreacher bared his teeth but to everyone's surprise, did as he was told. Lily looked at his hateful expression, but dropped to her knees anyway. There was so little of the man left. It looked like he'd been pulled apart and chewed on. And there was so much blood.

"Regulus," Sirius breathed. One eye opened and Regulus made a deep, hacking sound as he tried to breath. "We need to get you to Mungos."

Regulus groaned and shook his head. "No. Too late... for that. There were too many. Kreacher..."

Sirius jawed work as he glanced at Lily. She shook her head even as she frantically cast charms. She could help with some of the pain, but this kind of healing was beyond her. But she'd try. She heard Remus working next to her, diagnostic charms flying between them while James stood guard, his eyes scanning what was left of their yard.

She didn't see Peter.

"Who did this?"

Regulus sagged into himself and his eye closed. "Came back. Wasn't supposed too. Too important."

Remus leaned forward, hand tightening on Sirius shoulder. "What was?"

"Horoux."

Sirius shook his head. "What?"

"I only have one. Locket." He made another rattling cry and Lily cursed as she frantically worked to stop the bleeding. "Kreacher... pocket..."

Regulus open both eyes, staring at Sirius. "You were right. Over my head. Take... care of Kreacher. Saved... me." He breathed in deep, blood bubbling between his lips, bleeding from to many injuries to count.

His eyes lifted just enough to meet Sirius frantic gaze. Reaching up with what was left if his left hand he grasped Sirius' arm. "I'm sorry... brother."

And then he was gone.

For a moment, it was completely still. Then magic rushed into the burned out yard, thick and heavy as the family ring that had been lost with most of Regulus' arm reappeared on Sirius' right hand.

Sirius clutched at the body of his brother and wept.

X

Lily sat quietly, feeling wrecked. They'd buried Regulus in the back corner of their yard, under the trees. She'd never forget the anguish on Sirius' face when Remus had crouched next to the body, quietly suggesting that they go ahead and perform the rites.

"He died fighting Voldemort." Remus had held Sirius' gaze unflinchingly. "We can't have a public burial. That would require the House of Black to declare a blood feud with Voldemort. We can't risk it, not yet. Not until we know what a Horoux is and why Regulus died for it."

James crouched next to Sirius and gripped his shoulder. "House of Potter will stand with Black when the time comes."

That simply, they'd offered Sirius absolution for his brother. In one argument, they'd acknowledged that Regulus had tried to make amends, and turned his back to the Dark Lord and had been accepted as family by all of them. And Lily's heart cracked for all of them.

Swallowing, Sirius had gripped his brother's bloody cloak between his fingers and finally nodded. But behind his eyes had been a rage that had been palpable. "The only family that matters is here. Get Pete and we'll burry him under the trees."

Now there was blood under her nails a scourgify hadn't removed, her yard was a burned-out pit and she'd have to find the strength to clean her dining room. Her husband was upstairs with Sirius.

When Peter had reappeared, he'd brought with him enough Dreamless Sleep to knock out an elephant.

"Don't worry," Peter assured her as he dosed some tea. "Remus knows exactly how much to give him."

"How?"

Remus rubbed the back if his neck, but his eyes were on her stairs. "When I was younger I wanted to be a healer. Madam Pomfrey took pity on me and left some medical texts for me to read when I was spending time in the infirmary."

Lily gawked at him. "But... healing requires a N.E.W.T in Potions."

Remus blushed. "Yes. Obviously, Slughorn was relieved when I decided against that occupation."

Peter grinned, the smile almost reaching his eyes. "He begged."

Remus shrugged and reached for the tea tray. "It's also why no one encouraged me to become an Auror. Not that being a werewolf would have helped with that."

Watching the last two Marauders disappear upstairs, Lily pulled her knees to her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs feeling cold. Regulus Black had been murdered. Voldemort may not have cast the spell, but he'd killed Regulus all the same. She was terrified.

Sirius had somehow become her friend. Peter might have given her away at her wedding but Sirius had stood with James as his Best Man, had looked at her with acceptance and told her to make James happy. He ate breakfast at their house every other day and shared Sunday dinners with them.

Her husband had not flinched when he promised to go to war at Sirius' side. Blood feuds among the pure blood society were not to be taken lightly. It wouldn't happen today, and it wouldn't happen tomorrow, but there would be a culling in the House of Black for this.

Pushing to her feet she lit the fire with a flick of her wand. Hesitating, she rolled the familiar weight if it between her fingers. 10 and 1/4 inches of willow and a dragon heart string core it had been her constant companion since she was eleven years old. And someday it might be the only thing standing between her family and death.

"Hey."

Lily looked up and blinked to find James watching her. His hair was going in every direction, his shirt was untucked and he was barefoot and her heart lurched into her throat.

"Hi."

He studied her for a moment before walking over and standing with her in front of the fire. She was silent, trying to process what she was feeling, rolling the length if her wand between her fingers.

"How's Sirius?"

James sighed heavily, shoving his hands into his pockets as he bent his head. "Rough. Peter headed out, but Remus is staying. We'll sort the rest of it out in the morning."

Lily curled her fingers around her wand and took a deep breath at the unexpected surge of anger that threatened to choke her. Carefully she turned away and set her wand on the table. "Sort out _what_, exactly?"

"Lily..." He said slowly before turning to face her. She couldn't quite read his expression but there was obviously something about hers that set him on edge. Shoulders tightening, his voice held a faint note of tension.

"What's wrong?"

Lily stared at him, momentarily at lost for words. Was he... "What's wrong? Did you just ask me that?"

Reaching up to rub his face, James blew out a long breathe. "I'm running on nothing right now, Lils. With everything that has gone so spectacularly wrong tonight, I don't know where to start."

Arms crossing, Lily hugged herself. "Merlin, James. I don't know. The part were Peter wants to become a spy? The half-eaten, mangled corpse that used to be Regulus that was dropped onto our back lawn? Oh, I know. How about the part where you swore House of Potter to join House of Black in a _blood feud with Voldemort_?"

James moved forward, stopping when he was close enough to touch but not so close as to crowd her. "You don't agree with my decision?"

Lily balled her hands into fists. "I don't know! It's _Sirius_, of course we are going to stand with him. But it's one thing to stand and it's another thing to fling ourselves into a war."

His jaw tightened. "That's what you think this is?"

Lily reached up and rubbed her face, the sight of his temper deflating hers. "I don't know. I don't know anything and I'm absolutely terrified."

James reached for her cold hands and brought them to his mouth. Watching Regulus die had rocked him. Seeing Sirius unravel, seeing the strain and barely contained terror on Lily's face... the way she trembled with all the words she wasn't saying.

"You are the most important thing in my life." James told her fiercely. "There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe."

Lily bit down hard on her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. Blinking rapidly, she shook her head. "We fight together or we run together, James. No in-betweens, no what ifs."

Slowly, he nodded. "So be it. So, Lily Potter nee Evans. Do we fight or do we run?"

Lily was at a loss. Not two hours ago, with Regulus still warm between them, James had sworn aid to the House of Black in its blood feud with Voldemort. He carried an oath of loyalty that was strong enough to circumvent the oath of secrecy Peter had given Dumbledore. She'd taken the same vow, drunk with happiness hours after her wedding.

But he was offering to forsake all of that, for her. His face blurred as her eyes filled and she blinked tears down her cheeks. James was choosing her, _again_. Over everything else. And regardless of the bone deep terror of losing him, of watching her friends and family die... there was only one answer to give.

"We fight."

James let go of her hands to wipe her face. "Are you sure?"

"He killed Regulus." Lily said quietly. "He's killed so many others. He won't stop killing unless he is stopped. I'm scared, James. The idea of waking up without you one day..." She shook her head.

James nodded. "I spent so much time before we graduated thinking about fighting him. What it would be like. This is worse. You can't imagine this."

"Hey," she took his hand. "Terrified is okay. Scared it damn smart. But there is no way I'm letting any of our family do this alone. But James, we have to be _smart_. Careful."

"Tomorrow Sirius wants to ask Kreacher what happened. He also has to deal with his family which is going to be... Merlin, this is such a mess."

Lily tightened her grip. "Then what? We can't just treat this like another prank, James. Sirius can be such a hot head, but not with this. Peter is already worried that were making ourselves targets because of your opposition in the Wizamont. Targets disappear."

Pulling back, James cupped her face in his hands. "But we can't sit here and do nothing. Maybe if I'd become an Auror things would be different, but I don't see how. Voldemort won't stop until he _is_ stopped."

She shook her head. "Do you think that I want to watch the world burn around us? I'm just asking that we don't do anything rash. This isn't a game."

"I know." His eyes were determined behind his glasses. "Peter is going to ask Dumbledore to come by in the morning."

Lily nodded. "He needs to know about these Horoux, whatever they are."

"Among other things," James agreed. Suddenly he bent his head, mouth pressing against hers. Lily jerked at the unexpected pressure before sinking into the heat of it. When James pulled back they were both breathing hard.

"You can't do that to me, Evans. You're not allowed to sacrifice yourself to protect me. Whatever Regulus was thinking, whatever he thought the price was worth, I'm not sure it is."

Reaching up she pressed her palm to his face. "Hey, it's Potter now."

He just looked at her, the green in his eyes over bright. "I mean it."

"That goes both ways," she told him stubbornly. "Magic isn't worth having if it means I lose you. Don't you understand that the idea of you being killed, or worse, left dying like Regulus at my feet doesn't terrify me too?"

"Lily," James said as he reached out and pulled her against him. "I'm sorry. I should have had Remus put Sirius down."

"It's okay. Sirius needed you."

James rested his head against hers. "So did you."

Lily nodded, not trusting her voice. The events from the last two hours were clogging her throat and burning behind her eyes. So instead she concentrated on James and breathed.

And worried about tomorrow.

* * *

><p>So a couple of thoughts.<p>

I wanted to save Regulus. I really, really did. For me, one of the biggest injustices from the HP world was Regulus dying to fight Voldemort and Sirius never knowing about it. For a man who spent his youth in Azkaban and his freedom locked in a horrible house, I think knowing his brother loved him and turned his back on everything that was so precious to the pure bloods would have brought him a little peace. It saddens me that didn't happen. So I couldn't save Regulus. But I could try to make his, death worth it.

Obviously, they will not be staying at the cottage. Why? Because if the Malfoy's have a manor and the Blacks have a Manor, then I'm I can't understand why the Potter's wouldn't. I imagine they are completely different kinds of manors, but a home that is steeped in magic and tradition. I can't imagine a family like the Potter's wouldn't have one.

Obviously, we are going to seriously start changing canon now. This chapter took forever to write because I needed to frame things out. The next few chapters might be even slower, because I need to carefully start the end game.

Wish me luck.


	10. Cry Havoc

Notes at end!

* * *

><p>"You're making breakfast?"<p>

Lily turned away from the stove to face the listless man sitting at her table. His hair was a mess, eyes red rimmed, and he'd looked better after a three day bender.

"Do you have a problem with breakfast?"

Sirius blinked at her. "The last time you cooked a fry up, you swore to never do it again. You don't even cook on weekends when I surprise visit."

Hand settled onto her hip, Lily narrowed her eyes. "And you'll never get breakfast again if I hear one more word about it. And your 'surprise' weekend visits aren't really _surprising_."

James stopped chewing long enough to swallow. "Don't mess up my Fridays, Padfoot. I had to _beg_."

Sirius paused in the act of accepting his plate from Lily. "Wait, she cooks a fry-up every Friday and I get cereal or porridge?"

Lily didn't turn from where she was putting together her plate. "Porridge _is_ cooking."

"Friday is Pete's morning." James reminded him.

"He actually does the dishes." Lily said helpfully. "Fetches milk."

James frowned. "I get milk. _You_ banned me from dishes. Which is ridiculous, I'm better at cleaning spells."

"You stripped the plates of their design." She sat with a scowl.

"But they were clean," he reminded her. "And you hated that pattern."

Lily pointed her fork at him. "My point is that Peter voluntarily does these things. Dishes aside, you don't have a choice."

James snorted and hefted a loaded fork. "Rubbish. And don't act like Peter doesn't love you best. Bloke doesn't have a choice either."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sirius chewed thoughtfully, swallowing as he nodded. "No it's true. I just never saw it before. I always thought his one true love might be Remus - hey Prongs, you remember the travesty that was letting them partner for N.E.W.T.s? I'd think about that."

The sound of the backdoor opening and shutting forcefully against the wind outside didn't phase them.

James considered that. "Now that you mention it, it was Pete's begging that tipped the balance."

"I begged for what? Hope you made enough for Remus, Lily. I found him roaming far too early this morning."

Lily waved at the stove. "Help yourself. Sirius is whining because I made breakfast."

Remus deftly snagged a plate and swooped in behind Peter. "Isn't this why you were banned from breakfast last time?"

Sirius sat up straight. "She feeds you _too_?"

Lily arched a brow. "He occasionally helps me scrub out bathrooms."

"Traitors," Sirius scowled. "The lot of you."

James shook his head. "I know for a fact that you crawl out of bed at least once a week and eat at that pub of yours."

"But Lily cooks with love! And she doesn't _include me_!"

"And yet here you are eating my food, at our table. Whine, whine, _whine_!"

"You going to eat that tomato, mate?" Remus asked cheerfully.

Sirius hunched over his plate protectively. "Leave my food alone. Apparently, it's all I'm going to get!"

Lily rolled her eyes and gestured with her fork. "I've never let you starve. In fact, I think I've been generous. I can be _less_ generous."

James adjusted his glasses and looked at his best friend, even as he edged away from his wife. "She could ban breakfast. Lunch is sandwiches. Yesterday, we didn't get that."

Peter swallowed. "I like her packed lunches. She isn't stingy with pickles."

Lily saluted him with her mug and James frowned. "_My_ wife, wormtail."

Peter grinned. "Awe, Prongs, we all know the love of my life is Remus."

Remus arched both brows. "Sorry mate, I like like 'em a little taller."

Peter swiped the last piece of grilled toast. "I'll just console myself with the food here, provided by Mrs. Prongs."

"No." Lily said firmly. "Just no."

Sirius cracked a smile. "I like it."

"You live with me James." Lily warned.

James shut his mouth and shrugged. "Point to her."

Remus leaned back in his chair and sighed, fingers overlaid on his stomach. "Delicious. Thank you, Lily."

A chorus if agreements as people finished scrapping plates. Lily curled her fingers around her cup and studied the men who sat around her. Remus who was all limbs and too much focus; Peter slight and still next to him; Sirius all wild eyed and barely contained rage; James, her James, solid and determined.

"So how do we win?" She almost smiled at the four startled faces that turned to face her. "What? Winning is the only acceptable option. So what does your ridiculous, twisty logic suggest?"

There was a long silence before Remus sighed. "I don't know."

James drummed his fingers on the table. "Lack of information. Hard to develop a working strategy."

Sirius glared at the top of his hands. "I want to know what a Horcrux is."

"Why it's so important." Remus agreed.

Lily rolled her empty mug between her palms, considering. "Dumbledore?"

Peter pursed his lips and nodded. "I asked him to come by this morning. Told him it was a bit of an emergency, but that it'll keep until after breakfast."

"So he'll be here soon."

Sirius snorted and shoved away from the table. "And what? Do we actually think he'll tell us what it is? It's dark magic, obviously bad enough that I haven't heard about it and you know how my family feels about all the horrors from nightmares."

"So he doesn't tell us." Remus said with a shrug. "That'll tell us a couple of things won't it?"

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Sirius glowered. "Like what?"

Remus lifted his index finger, counting off his points. "It'll confirm that it's dark magic - the kind that's been buried into obscurity. How he reacts will tell us whether he knew of it before hand and suspected Voldy was using it or not. Can't fight what you don't know about."

Peter looked grim. "You know what worries me? If it's so obscure that Dumbledore knows of it but didn't think Voldemort did... how bad is it?"

James shoved his hands through his hair. "Oh, it's bad. It's going to be really bad."

Lily licked her lips. "We need to hide this."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Of course we are going to hide this. We've already shoved that bloody locket into a box and warded it to hell and back."

She glared at him. "No. _This_. Us. All of it. If whatever Voldemort has done is the nightmare of dark magic - if it's some kind weapon - how comfortable will Dumbledore be letting it hang out in our heads? The best secret is the one no one knows about after all. So we hide this in our oath."

Remus looked doubtful. "You think Dumbledore would obliverate us?"

"I don't know." She opened her hands and shrugged. "I trust that Dumbledore will do what he thinks is best and that this isn't his first war. I trust him to save as many lives as he can, and I know that he needs this information so that he can work on the problem too. But a lot of sins are hidden behind the greater good, and I won't forget last night. "

"No," Sirius said quietly. "None of us will forget last night."

Peter looked at James. "It doesn't matter, anyway. We have to hide it, since I'm going to be joining the death eater ranks in three days time."

"_What_?"

"I thought we were still _discussing_ that..."

"_Pete_!"

He shook his head. "It's done. Either I go through with it or they'll try to kill me. Not that they think I had options anyway."

James swore, eyes shut as he visibly tried to think through every possible scenario. "Bloody hell, mate. Three days doesn't give us much time."

Peter shrugged. "I know. Most of it is already safe. I think the rest of it needs to be as well."

Sirius stared at him, eyes dark. "Dumbledore will not approve."

"Dumbledore doesn't have to know." Peter replied quietly, looking around the room. "The people that matter do."

Remus pointed at Peter. "We'll talk about this later. Right now, we need to hide everything under our oath before Dumbledore shows up. After, we'll figure the rest out."

X

Dumbledore looked tired. Lily knew the headmaster was old, everyone _knew_ it. But she couldn't remember a time when she'd visibly seen it before. Lily was suddenly very thankful she hadn't looked at the morning papers yet. Lacing her fingers together with James' she let the men in her life take the lead.

"Sirius," Dumbledore said quietly, "I am very sorry."

Sirius simply nodded, but there was a furious, flat look behind his eyes that worried Lily. It'd faded a little during breakfast, but now it was close to the surface.

James leaned forward. "How much did Pete tell you?"

Remus entered the room and passed around the tea he'd fetched. Dumbledore sighed as he accepted his mug. "Very little. I would have come earlier, but was unable too. Events are becoming... chaotic. I'm not as young as I once was and I'm afraid it begins to show."

James nodded and with quick, precise sentences, outlined the events that had transpired. For a moment, it felt strangely like a meeting in Dumbledore's office, with James explaining the reasoning behind his more creative punishments as Head Boy. But the grave, worried expression on Dumbledore's face was a far cry from the patient, twinkling gaze she knew so well.

"Did he mention what it was that he'd tried to destroy?" Dumbledore asked, taking a careful sip if his tea. "There are many dark things that have slowly started to disappear from the places they were hidden."

James nodded. "Yes, but we've never heard of it before."

Remus spread his hands. "What do you know of Horcruxes?"

Dumbledore went very still. Looking up, his gaze was not that of a tired, aging headmaster. James tensed beside her.

"Where did you hear that word?" He asked finally.

"Kreacher," Sirius said flatly, summoning the house elf who glared spitefully. "Show the headmaster what Regulus gave you."

Kreacher pulled out the box that they'd warded the night before. Dumbledore pulled out his wand. He gestured with his free hand, expression grave.

"If I may be allowed?"

"Of course."

Lily blinked as Dumbledore laid down a complicated protection ward. The weight of it was heavy in the air and she repeated his incantation three times mentally, determined to research it later. Once Dumbledore was satisfied, he carefully untangled the spell box and lifted the lid.

For several long moments he did nothing. Then he closed his eyes, suddenly appearing far older than he truly was. "When I leave, I would like to take this with me. The warding was well done, but it is perhaps best if we put it behind barriers that are stronger still."

Shaken, Lily clutched at James hand. "What is it?"

"This..." Dumbledore's jaw worked and he closed his eyes. "A Horcrux is an abomination. One I did not think Tom was aware of or would risk making."

Remus grimaced. "That bad?"

"I believe it is best if you leave this particular puzzle to me." Dumbledore said firmly.

"Perhaps you don't understand." Sirius said softly. "The previous Head of the House of Black was murdered by Voldemort. This requires retribution. I will do this with or without your help."

Dumbledore crackled with energy. "This is not the time for blood fueds. Voldemort would destroy the House of Black. The very fact that he chose to make one of these horrors - that he _discovered_ how to make them - is cause for concern. He _cannot_ be _sane_."

And, Lily realized, proof of Voldemort's insanity had rattled Dumbledore. She wasn't sure why the atrocities committed by the Death Eaters were less damning than apparent insanity, but it was apparently important to Dumbledore. Lily shifted, pulling Dumbledore's attention from where he was staring at Sirius.

"Sir, we are no longer in school. While I'm sure everyone here appreciates your concerns - we certainly would never dismiss them - we are already involved. Regulus came to us. Please, _help_ us."

Dumbledore steepeled his hands. He studied them in silence for several tense moments before he sighed, a little of his presence deflating. "This is not something I can or will condone any of you being involved in. I'm willing to trust that the very name Horcrux will not leave this room, but I swore to myself that I would not pass the knowledge of what a horcrux is to anyone. Are you willing to join the order?"

James shook his head. "I think it is best that we continue as we have. For now. Peter can act as a liaison if we find something of interest."

"Then some things must be kept secret still." Dumbledore said quietly. "I will not risk others who have trusted me to keep them safe."

"I wish you'd reconsider." Remus said quietly.

Dumbledore looked apologetic. "I'm sorry, my boy. But this is not something I can risk, outside of the protections I have put into place."

Sirius visibly ground his teeth. "What can you tell us?"

Dumbledore was silent for a very long time. "I miss being a professor. Being Headmaster is rewarding, and I would not part with it so soon; yet, teaching was a connection with students and is one I miss."

Peter hedged a look at a furious Sirius and cleared his throat. "Sir?"

"Tom Marvolo Riddle was born December 31, 1926 at Wools Orphanage in London. His mother was a witch and his father a muggle. He was brilliant and Head Boy of his year."

Remus frowned at him, tapping his fingers against the coffee table. "That name is familiar."

James suddenly blinked. "That's because you've cleaned that trophy... What was it? Some sort of service to the school?"

Dumbledore quirked a faint smile. "Yes. The trophy cases are not nearly as well kept now that you've graduated."

Peter lifted both hands. "Happy to do our part!"

"Yes," Dumbledore agreed, before his eyes stopped twinkling. Lifting his wand, he wrote out the name of Tom Marvolo Riddle. Then, with a flick of his wand he rearranged the words.

"I am Lord Voldemort." Sirius murmured, body rigid in surprise.

"A story and an anagram will not be enough to sow discourse among his most loyal, but perhaps it will hamper more moderate followers." Dumbledore adjusted his spectacles. "But I do wish you'd avoid drawing that much attention to yourselves."

Lily shook her head. "Someone must."

He nodded and stood, picking up hat. "Peter, I must apologize. But understanding what I do now of the situation, I am not certain it's wise for you to go further with what we had discussed. I believe your friends will agree with me."

He paused, hat in hand. His posture was weary, but there was something burning behind his eyes when he finally looked at them. Lily was reminded of the first time she'd seen him as a first year, and the unimaginable awe she'd felt.

"I cannot stress enough how dangerous it would be to further investigate the matter of the Horcrux. This is a problem that I will devote my full attention to and I ask that you trust me."

"Will you keep us appraised?" Lily asked.

"For now, it may be best that it stays with me." Dumbledore repeated. Then he paused and considered. "Perhaps, once you have finalized your wards and if Fawkes permits it, we can communicate regarding possibilities later."

James inclined his head and stood. "I'll show you out."

Dumbledore nodded. "My thanks."

Once they had left the room, Remus held up one finger and shook his head. Lily blinked and waited, watching as wands were held in hand. When James returned, he too was holding a wand. Realizing what logic was in play, Lily leaned back and waited. Magic filled the air, pushing into all open spaces as her boys weaved their spells.

"Okay. That should buy us a few minutes." James said. "Remus?"

"I don't know." He said finally, eyes troubled. "He gave us just enough information to be useful but I don't know to what purpose. Why tell us Voldemort's identity now? Why not release it to the public? There are a number of old houses that would be appalled that he is a part-blood, regardless of his magical genealogy.

Peter frowned. "What _is_ his genealogy anyway?"

Lily grimaced. "Tracing it will take time, assuming we could find anything. Tracing it without being noticed will be harder."

Sirius slashed one hand through the air. "He was very specific about staying out of this whole Horcrux business. Why?"

James arched a brow. "I'm going with imminent death."

"Seriously?" Lily demanded.

"What? The odds are that making one is something truly horrific, so how complicated do we think destroying one is? Imminent death is always a he just wants to keep this to himself. You've seen the books in his office, Lils. Portraits to keep watch and spells to confuse titles. Dumbledore likes his secrets."

"Could be he's testing us." Peter said thoughtfully. "See what we will do with the information."

Sirius snorted, hands shoving into his pockets. "Kill Voldemort, obviously."

Lily tapped her fingers along her thigh, a nervous twitch she'd picked up from James. "This isn't going to be easy. Dumbledore was clearly worried and for a moment..."

"Oh, he considered it." Sirius said quietly. "And the reason he didn't had nothing to do with laws or morals. Obliviating us wasn't a sound tactical decision. No way to know if we had precautions in this place."

"He noticed the wards were still not complete." Remus murmured.

"How long do we have until people know you're Head of House?" Lily asked. "Who will they assume the title goes too?"

Sirius frowned. "I'll have to check. Regulus obviously reinstated me quietly, or we'd be inundated with owls."

James waved his hand. "This place is unplottable. Since breakfast. Brace yourself once you leave, mate."

"So what do we do now?" Lily asked, watching the silent looks passing back and forth.

"We get Pete ready for his initiation." James said finally. "We get this house ready and we finish moving to the manor. Remus - will you be reaching out to the werewolves?"

He nodded. "Dumbledore has been hinting how helpful it would be, and it'll help with the illusion that we've let this Horcrux issue go."

"Good. Sirius, mate you might as well get comfy in your old room at the manor."

Sirius raised a brow. "Why?"

"Lily is working on her Charms Mastery. We'll need help looking through dusty books. I'd also appreciate the extra wand about once I let it slip that Voldy is a half-blood."

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Lily asked quietly.

"I think it might push some of the people on the fence away." James said finally. "For all his pretty words, so does Dumbledore or he'd never have given us that information."

"Do you think the Potter Library will have what we are looking for?" Peter questioned.

James shrugged. "I don't know. We've collected a lot of old things, so it's possible. But if not, then the Black Library will."

Sirius grimaced. "We don't have the Black library yet. My mother lives there."

Peter blinked and then grimaced. "Oh boy."

"Yes." James said finally. "That's going to be an issue. But it also might be fun."

Sirius stared flatly at him. "Fun."

"I've spent years waiting to irritate Lady Black. Hate to waste an opportunity." James shrugged. "But before that, we might as well set up a few back-up plans. Contingency, and all that."

"Oh?" Lily asked. "And who or _what_ is that?"

"An old friend of my dad's."

X

The muggle cafe was tucked into a corner in the heart of non-magical London. The tea was excellent but James was highly suspicious of the food in front of him. Thankfully, it didn't appear that he'd have to eat it.

"Keep your hands where I can see them. And tell me what I said you when you met my wife."

Magical eye hidden behind an eye-patch, Mad Eyed Moody frowned heavily at him. "You told me not to underestimate her or I'd be missing my other eye."

"Hello, Moody. We're you followed?"

"Not so quick. What were you wearing the day your dad introduced us?"

"I was told I was naked as the day I was born. Being as I was too young to remember it myself."

Sitting down, Moody paused to consider the food and then shrugged, pulling it over to start in on the chips. "I was surprised to get your message. I was under the impression that only a _certain _group of people could use that messaging service. And I know for a fact you haven't accepted that particular membership."

James smiled. "Constant vigilance."

Moody snorted. "So it would seem. You wanted to meet?"

"My Dad trusted you," James said slowly. "That carries weight with me. That Longbottom continues to think you're trustworthy also means something."

Moody slid a flask out if his pocket. After offering it to James, Moody dumped a liberal amount of what smelled like scotch in his tea. "Once, we were partners. Your old man made a hell of an Auror until he decided he preferred politics."

James nodded. "He mentioned a few stories."

"What do you need lad?" He looked around the shop. "This cloak and dagger nonsense suggests you aren't wanting an academy reference."

"First, I need your word that this will stay between us. Dumbledore cannot know about this."

Moody narrowed his eye. "You don't trust Dumbledore."

"I trust him to do what he thinks is best." James said honestly. "He's a good man and a dangerous Wizard, but he's holding to much information, to close to his chest. This is to important for games."

Moody gave him a long look. "What is 'this?'"

"A contingency plan. If something happens to me and mine, someone else needs to know."

Moody considered him for a long time, working through the plate of food methodically. "Dumbledore and I go way back. Saved my life a few times. Hard to do, that."

James smiled at him. "What, with your magical eye and all."

"What stories did your father tell you, exactly."

Never losing his smile, James reached up and tapped above his left eye. Nodding once, Moody gave a sharks smile in return. "Alright. I'll keep your secrets."

"Are you willing to swear a vow on that?"

Both eyebrows winged up as James slid over a piece of paper. Amused, Moody looked it over. Then blinked.

"This is very cleverly worded."

"I have a very clever wife."

Moody grunted. A few moments later, magic had bound him to hold the secrets. "Now what is all this fuss about?"

"I have a spy in Voldemort's circle."

Moody went very, very still. James was dead certain his magical eye was whirling behind that eye-patch. "How much do you trust this spy?"

"With my life, Lily's life and the lives of every person I hold safe."

Moody shook his head, ignored his tea and drank straight from his flask. "That's ballsy, even for a Potter. Why do you think Dumbledore wouldn't approve?"

James let his smile fade and met Moody gaze straight on. "Because when this is over, I don't intend for a single Death Eater to be in power. There can be no mercy for the murderers of children. This blood war is just an excuse for their perversions, to prove their overinflated superiority and to divide our world even further apart by class. But I might not be around for it."

Moody shrugged. "Neither of us might be, lad."

"There are other contingency plans." James said simply. "I hope we never use any of them. In five days time, you'll receive another message. The oath you just took will hide the information, until it's needed. It was good to see you Moody. Take care of yourself."

"Aye. And stop wearing Longbottom out with your wand. I need the lad in one piece."

"Teach him to dodge faster."

"Good man, Frank. Strong mind, good wand work - feet like lead." Pushing to his feet, Moody walked away from the table and wondered just how many ways the young Lord Potter was going to turn the Wizarding world on its head.

Then he thought about the scrap of paper he'd left behind. That carefully, creatively worded vow. And grinned to himself.

Clever wife, indeed.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Please comment.<em>**

So its started. The war part. This has been mostly scripted for a while, but its slow going.  
>Very slow going. Expect time skips. There is no way I will be able to write out the next few years without them.<p>

I think it was important to show in this chapter how insane the idea of horcruxes are to Dumbledore. How horrific he finds them. How important it is to him to keep that information quiet until he has no other option. I also think that it would be important to James and the boys to have as many contingency plans as possible in place. It makes no sense that they would leave loose ends - any that they could avoid - after having spent years learning how to tie them up, with pure blood politics and pranks.

Obviously, I made up that James' dad and Mad Eye were partners, but I don't think that becoming an Auror is a usual job for an heir to a house. It makes sense to me that James would have considered it seriously if he grew up with a Dad who'd once been one. Circumstances what they are in my story, he was unable to follow in those footsteps.

Potter men all seem to be cut from very familiar cloth, after all.


End file.
